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Watch Your Bako

Of Baseball in 2007 no profounder truth can be uttered than to admit that the players don't care about the Game (with a capital G) anymore. Across the internets the widespread belief is that the players are selfless, dedicated to their teams, passionately involved with the fans and disinterested in money. Ceaselessly, today's Game is compared favorably to the Game of our fathers, as everyone from managers to journalists to hot dog vendors celebrate our progression out of 1960s scoring levels, one-run strategies and hurlers throwing 130 pitches every start. You cannot watch a baseball game without hearing subtle progressivism and a denigration of the Bad Old Days. Everywhere, a blind devotion to the new, as evidenced by the LA media's warm embrace of Paul DePodesta, now entering his fourth year with the Dodgers.

This has become both a cliché and lie. I come to you as Marx did in Capital, as a lonely voice speaking the truth against a rising tide of lies: baseball players are self-interested pursuers of money, regardless of team loyalty.

Certainly, many of you will balk at this dramatic statement, initially. Yet a dark part of you, the region home to your profoundest insights into the sable fate of man, will surely, in fits and starts, realize that this is in fact the case.

We must have the courage to speak this naked truth. We must broach a topic so shocking that to this day sports-radio, ESPN, and the local columnists dare not touch it. Instead, they waste ink talking about the graduation rates of college student-athletes, the lies behind public stadium funding and the fact that NFL players die at age 55. They hover around these stories while national scandals involving steroids and Terrell Owens go totally unreported.

We must bring the truth of free agency to light. If not, our sacred national innocence cannot be restored. If not, the redolent social harmonies displayed by baseball during the Reserve Clause Era will be lost in the archive of history.

Which brings us to Benedict Bako and his new home.

Royals-Orioles just got a whole lot more interesting.

As you will recall, in December of 2005 Bako joined the Royals. Only 34, the expectation throughout the Midwest was that Bako would finish his career as a Royal, probably playing through age 45.

Thousands of fans envisioned a bright summer day sometime during the 2010s when they would stand up and cheer as Bako blasted his 15th, or even 20th career home run, in a Royal uniform. They wanted to witness his 5th career stolen base, his 150th career RBI, his 10th career triple, in a Royal uniform. Yes, its silly, but big round numerical landmarks are important to us. Especially when its one of our own, a true Royal like Bako.

What becomes of a dream deferred?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?
Or does it explode?

Here's the dirty little truth about Paul Bako: yes, he puts up numbers, but they don't mean a damn thing to him.

Certainly, you don't become a career .235/.308/.321 hitter without talent. But I stand before you to proclaim that he's a phony. He's a sordid blackguard who stands as an exemplum of the rotten center at the core of our dear base-ball.

Each year it's the same: Bako rides into town, mashes like no other, then - surprise surprise - just happens to leave for another city.

-2004: .203/.288/.283 (Bako rocks Chicago)
-2005: .250/.362/.300 (A dream season with the Dodgers)
-2006: .209/.261/.229 (A Hero in KC)

-2007: Signs with Baltimore.

Anyone else see a pattern? We know what 2008 will bring, don't we? Another press conference, another set of lies.

I hope this fraud goes into the Hall of Fame wearing a jester's cap. One with bells.

We all bought in, and then we woke up jilted, with a "Dear John" Letter and a airline bill to Baltimore.

Last summer, this deceitful fraud sat back as the KC media fawned over him. With a king's hauteur, he played the role of team-leader and mentor. On March 3, 2006, he told reporter Alan Eskew that he was around to help John Buck. Help him do what? Become a coward?

"I didn't realize quite how long I have been in the big leagues to start gravitating toward that role," Bako said. "I'm proud and I'm happy to get the opportunity to do that. John is a great kid, a hardworking player, a blue-collar type player, which is a pleasure to be around a young guy like that."

End the lies Bako.

Here's what he was thinking the whole time: "Its time for Bako to get paid!"

To be sure, countless Orioles fans believe Bako is their man. They believe that he will retire as an Oriole, move to Delaware and hit the book promotion circuit with St. Cal. They believe he bleeds black and orange.

A trip to any Kansas City elementary school will quickly disabuse them of that notion, as they see a generation of betrayed children with un-dried tears on their cheeks.

1 recs  |  Comment 45 comments

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Nice piece
Did you see that Bako hit a three-run homer against the Yankees? Talk about random contributions.

by NHZ on Apr 12, 2007 12:47 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

yes, Bako is our main man
I remember our acquisition of Paul like it was just yesterday. I couldn't sleep at nights -- I was so excited. I had to shout it from the rooftops: "Paul Bako is here! Paul Bako is here!"

May the worse team lose, my Royal friends.

by SC on Apr 12, 2007 3:40 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

I think we all remember
Just where we were when we heard Gabor Paul Bako III had signed with the Royals. It was a pretty special day. I even bought World Series tickets! Too bad Baird is gone and we no longer sign premier free agents to get excited about.
Relive Royals History at royalsretro.blogspot.com

by RoyalsRetro on Apr 12, 2007 10:15 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

just proof...
you cant buy a title
FIRE BELL

by FireBell on Apr 12, 2007 3:46 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

So many a summer night
I recall with that computer wallpaper. It was mine, it adorned my desktop with one of the great hero's of the 2006 Royals.

Now after your piece, I see the light. Bako used us in a manner similar to Frank Thomas and Oakland. He used it as a launching pad for a new contract, ignoring that we had nurtured him for a whole season.

Damn you Paul Bako!

Nice work RR.

by wildthang on Apr 12, 2007 4:00 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

so who're you switching the wallpaper to now?
Reggie? If it has the same affect, maybe you should seriously consider it ;D
Greinke Jersey: $99 Outfield Plaza Ticket: $14 Meeting Your Idol: Priceless

by loyal2theroyals on Apr 12, 2007 9:05 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

redman was mine
All-Star mark redman
FIRE BELL

by FireBell on Apr 12, 2007 9:33 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Bako's dead to me
watch your back Gabor
FIRE BELL

by FireBell on Apr 12, 2007 9:32 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

I just hope that bastard reads this!
He used KC like a congressman uses a page.  Well, we may not be terribly urbane here in the mid-west but we know when we've been played.  Bako can go to hell.  

And Baltimore, next year when you shuffle your stunned and hurt self into KC after getting the same treatment from Bako, don't expect a shoulder to cry on.  

This series is for the kids.  It's payback time baby!

by James Quinn on Apr 12, 2007 9:39 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

exactly
its for the children

bako=scum

FIRE BELL

by FireBell on Apr 12, 2007 9:49 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Tough Work
being a backup catcher, when all you have to do is hit slightly over .200 and play competent defense.  For all that meet this modest criteria apply here...  Seriously, Bako sucks what he provided that Paul Phillips didn't, I'll never know.
lordbyronk

by lordbyronk on Apr 12, 2007 9:57 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Was Paul Phillips
ever Greg Maddux personal catcher? I rest my case.

by royaldaddy on Apr 12, 2007 6:21 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

That was a great read - L. Hughes would be proud
I almost wasn't able to finish it all, as it brought back all of the pain.  

And the tears.

by marbotty on Apr 12, 2007 10:10 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

I almost gave up baseball.
When I heard about Bako's betrayal I almost swore off baseball altogether.  The only thing that brought me back was the fact that we brought in Jason LaRue to take his place and took Soria away from the Padres.  Other than that I was done.

by EricConley on Apr 12, 2007 10:13 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

many fans feel the same way
it was a very "say it ain't so, joe" moment for an entire generation

by royalsreview on Apr 12, 2007 12:09 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

It's down to this:
A final showdown between longtime rivals.  I can't wait to watch our own Wreckin' Ram, Gil Meche, mow down his cross-town punk rival, Mighty Lion Bako (may your soul never rest---traître).

Acadiana may never never be the same.

"Laissez les bons temps rouler!"

by kjfinkes on Apr 12, 2007 10:35 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

i love that they are from the same town
i wonder who has the hotter wife
FIRE BELL

by FireBell on Apr 12, 2007 12:05 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

I get it - I think
Did you mean to use the term "irregardless" in the 2nd paragraph as being consistent with the tone of the piece or is this just an honest mistake?

by Tarnished Crown on Apr 12, 2007 11:31 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

He also said "internets"
I'll give the English PhD candidate the benefit of the doubt.

by mazoboom on Apr 12, 2007 11:58 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

regardless & irregardless
in practice seem to mean the same thing, but that shouldn't be the case, since theres that "ir" at the beginning

either way, i changed it... regardless is better

by royalsreview on Apr 12, 2007 12:08 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

It's like the flammable/inflammable debate
But it'll be a cold day in hell that I respect someone who says inflammable.

by marbotty on Apr 12, 2007 12:11 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

"Inflammable" means flammable!
"Who woulda guessed?"

-Dr. Nick Riviera

Relive Royals History at royalsretro.blogspot.com

by RoyalsRetro on Apr 12, 2007 12:35 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

No problem
It's not like this forum is Shakespeare.

I just wasn't sure if it was part of the joke (which was well received).

If only Bako was as honest with himself as Sal Fasano....

by Tarnished Crown on Apr 12, 2007 2:07 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

mr. bako
"Thousands of fans envisioned a bright summer day..."  

I think you meant, "Hundreds"?  Or perhaps, "Tens".  

by grab cubed on Apr 12, 2007 2:00 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

bako is exactly whats wrong with sports
he just cares about his stats
he doesn't care about winning

life was better in 1969

by LeoBloom on Apr 12, 2007 2:18 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

You make me wish
I was a Royals fans ;)

Bravo.

visiting A's and Mets fan

by rfloh on Apr 12, 2007 3:18 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Bako Caption Entry
Hey, just imagine I am the batter.  Three down the middle and we'll be out of this mess.

Good thing you are a lefty.  I've made a career out of being a left handed hitter. You'll be a millionaire whether you're any good or not.  Just look at me.

by daveyork on Apr 12, 2007 4:20 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Feel my veteran presence!
Let my veteran presence flow from my hand to your body, giving you the intangibles to get this hitter out!
Relive Royals History at royalsretro.blogspot.com

by RoyalsRetro on Apr 12, 2007 4:35 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Bako says...
"And this is where I inserted the knife into Kansas City's back.  Right between the shoulder blades.  God I'm glad to be here in Baltimore.  I think I'll stay here until I retire."

by James Quinn on Apr 12, 2007 5:00 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Don't listen to them kid...
...you get paid no matter how bad you do.  God Bless Bud Selig!

by EricConley on Apr 13, 2007 10:47 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Hi
My name's Paul Bako.

by NHZ on Apr 13, 2007 4:02 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Urban Dictionary
Paul Bako search at Urban Dictionary (hat tip to Camden Chat)
Relive Royals History at royalsretro.blogspot.com

by RoyalsRetro on Apr 12, 2007 4:40 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

I find it pretty sad
that he went from the AL to the NL and his stats jumped up significantly. Just more proof that the Cardinals consistantly have an easier schedule.
Greinke Jersey: $99 Outfield Plaza Ticket: $14 Meeting Your Idol: Priceless

by loyal2theroyals on Apr 12, 2007 5:04 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

I heard
during the game last night Split was saying that the Royals have the toughest schedule in the MLB.  It would not surprise me unfortunately, I have no idea who the source was that said it.  
lordbyronk

by lordbyronk on Apr 12, 2007 5:08 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

I don't know the source either....
but think about the teams we have to play. 18 against the Tigers, 18 against the White Sox, 18 against the Twins, 18 against the Indians. All are predicted to have a strong year or have been strong in the past few years. 72 of our games are being played within our division; unarguably the toughest division in baseball to play in. Then you have to add that we're going against the Goliath Yankees and Red Sox for a combined 16 times. We honestly don't have a stretch "easy" teams until we hit interleague play.

Compare that to the Cardinals, who get to play teams like the Pirates, Cubs, Astros, Brewers, and Reds. 80 of their games are against those five teams! That's 49% of their games. They get 6 games against the Nationals. Octoberball is almost a shoein for them, regardless of how shitty they are in the regular season.

Greinke Jersey: $99 Outfield Plaza Ticket: $14 Meeting Your Idol: Priceless

by loyal2theroyals on Apr 12, 2007 5:22 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Of course it is
The Royals are the only team in the AL that don't get to play the Royals.
Relive Royals History at royalsretro.blogspot.com

by RoyalsRetro on Apr 12, 2007 5:30 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

ouch...
Greinke Jersey: $99 Outfield Plaza Ticket: $14 Meeting Your Idol: Priceless

by loyal2theroyals on Apr 12, 2007 5:37 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

In Theory
The D'Rays are a team we should beat, but it seems like they beat up on us every year.  Of course, we only play 6 games or so against them.
lordbyronk

by lordbyronk on Apr 12, 2007 5:44 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

noticed the same thing
he's a bonafide .600 OPS guy in the NL

by royalsreview on Apr 12, 2007 5:49 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

BAKO!!!!!
You have screwed us yet again! Vengeance will be ours!
Relive Royals History at royalsretro.blogspot.com

by RoyalsRetro on Apr 13, 2007 10:11 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

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