Indians Commit to Destruction of Our National Innocence Through 2010

When fans packed the stadiums to see Betancourt chase immortality in pursuit of the Holds record, no one said anything. When we all followed his FIP and PRC ratings, we all just shrugged our shoulders. When he led the Tribe bullpen in WPA, all we could talk about with Triv the next day was how exciting things were at the Jake. When his WXRL totals climbed ever higher, we all just accepted that it was natural and a testament to his "training regime".

Blood is on OUR hands. The blood of our dead National Innocence. Three weeks late the coroner told us something else, this was a double murder: she was pregnant with Sanctity of The Game and Father-Son Bonding over Clear-Headed Belief in Purity of Baseball.

Still, as the truth comes out, and more and more pitchers ROID HEAD SLUGGERS get busted, it is painfully clear that steroids caused at least 50% of all home runs hit since 1987.

Thank God Congress is addressing this issue. Thank God MLB spent $40 million on the Mitchell Report. Sure, our National Innocence is dead. But as I stand atop her cenotaph, I've never felt stronger in my moral convictions.

CLEVELAND -- Rafael Betancourt, one of the AL's top relievers last season, signed a two-year contract Wednesday with the Cleveland Indians, who avoided going to salary arbitration with the right-hander.

Financial terms were not immediately available on the deal, which includes a third-year club option.

The 32-year-old Betancourt was arguably the majors' best setup man in 2007.

Sources close to Royals Review have obtained records which indicate Betancourt wears an invisible brace which can supply him directly with steroids during the game.

Still, as you would surely note if you lived in the eighteenth century, once your innocence is destroyed, there's no going back because you are already ruined forever. Thanks to the continued presence of National Innocence Destroyer Betancourt and the vile Paul Byrd, Cleveland now becomes the nexus of all evil.

Basically, all Northeast Ohio is now, alternatively, that haunted building in Ghostbusters or the town in the Future in Back to the Future II after Biff becomes all powerful.

Log In Sign Up

Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Royals Review

You must be a member of Royals Review to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Royals Review. You should read them.

Join Royals Review

You must be a member of Royals Review to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Royals Review. You should read them.




Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.