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BREAKING NEWS: Tony Pena Jr. steals your significant other!

KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI. Confirming rumors that had been in the works since Sunday after the third Royals-Blue Jays game, sources close to the Kansas City Royals have confirmed that Tony Pena Jr. has stolen your significant other. At least for the time being.

"I can't believe it," [you] were quoted as saying after hearing the news. "It's one thing for that prick to ruin my life by not hitting his own weight, but this is just ridiculous. He looks like the love child of Legolas [from lord of the rings] and LL Cool J."

Pena and [your significant other] were reported to have been dating behind [your] back ever since Pena stopped hitting well in May of 2007. Pena, when asked to comment, reminded your humble reporter that "ho, ho, I am richer than [you], after all."

[Your significant other] could not be reached for comment, but Pena hinted at an engagement that could be consummated with a summer wedding. Pena also said it would be great to get married at home plate before one of the Royals home games.

When asked about your prediction of the happiness of the potential newlyweds, [you] only growled and said: "they'll never make it to first base."

 

3 recs  |  Comment 35 comments

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On the positive side,

at least you know she will be safe from spousal abuse – that guy can’t hit anybody

by loyal2sdad on May 27, 2008 3:42 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

That's it, now I've had enough of this guy

This will not stand. Trade him to a team in the Chinese Taipei league.

I probably disagree with you.

by NYRoyal on May 27, 2008 3:48 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

dont have a topic that says the words 'BREAKING NEWS' and the name "Tony Pena" in it

it makes my ears perk up like we demoted him or something.. but funny post

Yasuhiko Yabuta is to Major League Baseball as Drew Carey is to The Price is Right

by focs on May 27, 2008 3:52 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

I'm sorry, focs,

just attempting to inject some humor into the situation.

A mind without purpose will walk in dark places.

by NHZ on May 27, 2008 3:55 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

I wish that were an option

And if he had any options remaining, it would be.

I probably disagree with you.

by NYRoyal on May 27, 2008 3:58 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Correction

Plus-plus-plus.

:)

I probably disagree with you.

by NYRoyal on May 27, 2008 4:04 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

make that

plus-plus-plus-minus

by ZeppelinDZ on May 27, 2008 4:08 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

I am a

plus-plus-plus-plus-minus-minus-minus-minus-minus-minus-minus shortstop, myself.

A mind without purpose will walk in dark places.

by NHZ on May 27, 2008 4:20 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Yeah, plus-plus

two plusses for the two errors he committed yesterday that the official scorer didn’t charge him with…

Sarcasmâ„¢. It's the new gravy.

by jonfmorse on May 27, 2008 5:01 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Yes

A mind without purpose will walk in dark places.

by NHZ on May 27, 2008 4:01 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Can

I still trade them for a pair of tickets and a couple beers. Ok I’ll settle for a couple beers.

sign Greinke a Evan Longoria type deal now.

by kcscoliny on May 27, 2008 4:04 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

So's your mom

Relive Royals History at royalsretro.blogspot.com

by RoyalsRetro on May 27, 2008 4:05 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

I knew you might take this news badly...

I’m sorry. I hate being dumped too. :P

A mind without purpose will walk in dark places.

by NHZ on May 27, 2008 4:08 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Amazing

I lol’ed. Have you fanshotted that? You should.

A mind without purpose will walk in dark places.

by NHZ on May 27, 2008 4:13 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

I think it was already, I'm not sure. Wasn't it a couple weeks back.

One of the funniest stories all year. That and the White Sox “slumpbuster” thing.

OMG Banny. FWIW I am only crdtng u w/3 runs allwd bc of DDJ OMFG

by devil_fingers on May 27, 2008 4:14 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

good that we’ve got an adultery tag established…

by royalsreview on May 27, 2008 6:10 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

I'm going to use as much as possible.

A mind without purpose will walk in dark places.

by NHZ on May 27, 2008 7:05 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

I like the "you" tag as well

OMG Banny. FWIW I am only crdtng u w/3 runs allwd bc of DDJ OMFG

by devil_fingers on May 27, 2008 10:16 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Being a narcissist, however,

I demand a “me” tag.

Sarcasmâ„¢. It's the new gravy.

by jonfmorse on May 27, 2008 10:18 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

I'll tag my next post

“jonfmorse” :P

A mind without purpose will walk in dark places.

by NHZ on May 28, 2008 9:19 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

I think "joel" needs to be a tag

billybutlerformvp is getting into that territory, too

OMG Banny. FWIW I am only crdtng u w/3 runs allwd bc of DDJ OMFG

by devil_fingers on May 28, 2008 10:00 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

I'm not sold on the former,

but billybutlerformvp should be the tag I use in posts when pitcher wins or fairweather fans are mentioned. :P

A mind without purpose will walk in dark places.

by NHZ on May 28, 2008 10:12 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Geez, now I just feel sorry for him

what kind of fairweather fan would pick the Royals? Making fun of someone like that might be a hate crime.

OMG Banny. FWIW I am only crdtng u w/3 runs allwd bc of DDJ OMFG

by devil_fingers on May 28, 2008 10:43 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Also

I think “joel” (aka “steve phillips”) definitely should be in some sort of RR Hall of Fame, and a tag has to be in there. That’s a bigger no-brainer than Huber’s retired number.

OMG Banny. FWIW I am only crdtng u w/3 runs allwd bc of DDJ OMFG

by devil_fingers on May 28, 2008 10:44 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Your input is appreciated.

I will see what I can do with my next post. :D

A mind without purpose will walk in dark places.

by NHZ on May 28, 2008 10:54 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

stunning

+10 for adultery.

i’m going to stab him, i really loved my wife.

The first thing I know about someone in a KC hat is that they're loyal.

by grantfunk on May 27, 2008 7:07 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Let me guess

You thought of the final punchline first?

by mazoboom on May 27, 2008 10:59 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

This post

practically wrote itself, mazoboom. The words flew from my fingertips faster than a half-inning with the Royals batting.

A mind without purpose will walk in dark places.

by NHZ on May 28, 2008 9:18 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

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