Ode to the Light Hitting First Baseman
Ode to the Light Hitting First Baseman
For years the Royals have been enamored with light-hitting first basemen, whether it be for the defense, their grit, or their outright moxie. First base has long been a position where teams employed burly home run hitters, usually the most feared man in the lineup. Not Kansas City. We like our first basemen to fling their bat at the ball, hit ground balls, make productive outs, and play solid defense. Sure, we've had the occasional John Mayberry, Willie Aikens, Steve Balboni, and even Hall of Famer George Brett. But who wants to see boring, rally-killing home runs, when we can see Hal Morris hit a weak ground out?
It is time to give these Princes of Pop-ups the recognition they deserve. I bring you, Ode to the Light Hitting First Baseman.
Pete LaCock 1977-1980
452 Games .277/.329/.380
12 Home Runs
Grit Factor: High
You must be gritty
With a name like “LaCock”
The children, they’ll tease you
With names that will shock
The Royals dealt Mayberry
Who looked like a blimp
But when they looked to LaCock
His bat would go limp
Pat Tabler 1988-1990
287 Games .279/.339/.347
4 Home Runs
Grit Factor: High
Pat was as clutch
As a hitter could get
If the bases were loaded
RBI were a sure bet
He wasn't strong like an ox
Or fast like a bullet
But he had a nice swing
And a pretty sweet mullet
Gerald Perry 1990
133 Games .254/.313/.361
8 Home Runs
Grit Factor: Low
The Royals were dazzled
By his All-Star bat
Gerald hit .300
An important stat
One thing to consider
Before trading ol’ Char
Was it really such a feat
To be a Braves All-Star?
Todd Benzinger 1991
78 Games .294/.334/.386
2 Home Runs
Grit Factor: Medium
First base was a mess
In 1991
Martinez and Benzinger
Could score nary a run
With Carmelo not hitting
It was Todd’s turn to go
Nicknamed “Mercedes”
He played more like a Yugo
Wally Joyner 1992-1995
518 Games .293/.371/.434
44 Home Runs
Grit Factor: Medium
Wally showed much power
In ’86 and ’87
“Wally World” was a hit
The Angels were in heaven
Then he went to KC
And the power would fall
And Royals fans discovered
It’s a small “World” after all
Hal Morris 1998
127 Games .309/.350/.381
1 Home Run
Grit Factor: Medium
Hal Morris was here
And gone in a flash
His interest in KC
Was simply for cash
But he provided us memories
Of baseball in the sun
We'll never forget
That one home run
Dave McCarty 2000-2002214 Games .255/.317/.432
20 Home Runs
Grit Factor: Medium
He found new life in KC
After being a draft bust
He showed off some power
And fielding you could trust
After getting a contract
He never as well fared
But that cash was guaranteed
So thanks Allard Baird!
Ken Harvey 2001-2005271 Games .274/.322/.411
27 Home Runs
Grit Factor: Low
A rotund singles hitter
Without much power
He was named as an All-Star
His one shining hour
While some first basemen
Cause opposing pitchers terrors
Ken Harvey was simply
A comedy of errors
Doug Mientkiewicz 2006
91 Games .283/.359/.411
4 Home Runs
Grit Factor: Off the Charts
Always a slick fielder
With a World Series ring
The Royals were excited
At the grit Doug could bring
Alas, he never hit homers
As the summers got muggy
But to be quite honest
This ode is not fair to Dougie
Ross Gload 2007-2008
145 Games .276/.310/.399
7 Home Runs
Grit Factor: Mientkiewicz-esque
We were more than happy
When Sisco left town
But when we saw Ross hit
Those smiles turned to frowns
He slaps at the ball
Its what he does best
But someone should tell him
To take off the dress
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What a collection of talent!
I remember Pete LaCock’s claim to fame was that his father (or possibly step-father) was Peter Marshall, who was the famous, longtime host of Hollywood Squares. When that’s your main qualification for being a starting major league first basemen…’nuff said!
by cookierojas73 on May 30, 2008 3:55 PM EDT 0 recs
(applause)
I know this is meaningless stuff that we enjoy, but enjoy it I did! Next, how ‘bout some odes to self-declared team leaders—Elartons past, present, and future. Or did I miss that?
OMG Banny. FWIW I am only crdtng u w/3 runs allwd bc of DDJ OMFG
by devil_fingers on May 30, 2008 3:57 PM EDT 0 recs
Tabler
Tabler was one of those guys who seemed to get big hits a lot (in actuality, he probably wasn’t)... I actually saw him hit a walk-off HR, though, in 1989 off Kenny Rogers (I think) at the only game I’ve ever been to at The K. So he’s got that going for him…always a hero in my book.
Wow, that’s a long time ago…back in the days when we were still reasonably competitive…
Thanks for putting this together- great stuff!
by cookierojas73 on May 30, 2008 3:59 PM EDT 0 recs
In 1988
He was 8 for 9 with the bases loaded. CLUTCH!!!!
Relive Royals History at royalsretro.blogspot.com
by RoyalsRetro on
May 30, 2008 4:03 PM EDT
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Oh yeah
tabler sometimes works color for the Blue Jays… not the end of the world. Certainly about 10-20x better than any of the Yankees’ idiots.
OMG Banny. FWIW I am only crdtng u w/3 runs allwd bc of DDJ OMFG
by devil_fingers on May 30, 2008 4:02 PM EDT 0 recs
I was at a game where
Todd Benzinger hit a grand slam for the Royals. Perhaps his shiniest moment. According to the NY Times, it was July 23, 1991. I thought he’d turn out to be pretty good, since the Royals had just gotten him a couple of weeks earlier. My 12-year-old brain was wrong, though he was perfectly average (OPS+ 100) as a Royal.
by mikewormdog on May 30, 2008 4:48 PM EDT 0 recs
This is awesome
Accidentally not thedude925 anymore. I do hate this new name.
by wildthang on May 30, 2008 6:40 PM EDT 0 recs
Nice
The Royals really have been extraordinarily unlucky in trying to come with a first basemen who can hit.
A mind without purpose will walk in dark places.
by NHZ on May 30, 2008 6:46 PM EDT 0 recs
You're being kind, NHZ!
Maybe they’ll have better luck with Eric Hosmer? Rumors seem to be linking KC to him.
by cookierojas73 on
May 30, 2008 8:19 PM EDT
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If the Royals pass on Smoak to take Hosmer
an angel will lose its wings.
by DarthYoshi on
May 30, 2008 8:57 PM EDT
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I meant more recently.
Everyone always says that it’s easy to find first basemen who can produce at an average level.
Ross Gload
Justin Huber
Ryan Shealy
Ken Harvey
Mike Sweeney (specifically his tragic decline due to back problems)
You’d think out of all these guys, one could still OPS .800 for the Royals. An 800 OPS is simply not that hard to do. Nope. There’s some element of bad luck in play here, considering all of these guys had something going for them.
A mind without purpose will walk in dark places.
by NHZ on
May 31, 2008 4:10 PM EDT
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It's The Curse
Of John Mayberry.
I used to be an A's fan until they left town and got good.
by philofthenorth on
May 31, 2008 4:41 PM EDT
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Pete LaCock...
Has a gorgeous daughter. I worked with her about 6 years ago @ a Bar & Grill in KC. Absolutely GORGEOUS!!!
by GoBabies!! on May 31, 2008 3:07 AM EDT 0 recs
wow
that’s great. you did forget the most important thing about Wally though, the thing that every announcer said when he was playing in the field: “Best throwing first baseman ever.” what a legacy….
Success is counted sweetest by those who ne'er succeed. - Emily Dickinson
by buddyball on May 31, 2008 10:34 AM EDT 0 recs
Hopefully
Billy doesn’t live up to this legacy. I doubt if we sign draft Hosmer story on ESPN says he is gonna demand 7 million. Maybe that is a scare tactic so we don’t draft him. Take Smoak, switch hitter who could help us alot faster.
Billy at worst will be Sean Casey jr.
by kcscoliny on May 31, 2008 1:04 PM EDT 0 recs
Simply spectacular...
I had to wear goggles so the grit wouldn’t get in my eyes
"If a tie is like kissing your sister, then losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out." -- George Brett
by u l washington's toothpick on May 31, 2008 3:14 PM EDT 0 recs
Mere Goggles Cannot
Stop that kind of grit.
I used to be an A's fan until they left town and got good.
by philofthenorth on
May 31, 2008 4:42 PM EDT
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Wally the chump
To this day Wally Joyner is my father’s most hated mlb player. Wally’s nickname was the chump in my household. The Royals, and especially Joyner, were never clutch in my fathers opinion. If the royals were up 9-2 in the seventh inning he would always guarantee a Joyner hit or RBI because it didn’t matter and was a stat padder. But if they game was on the line in the 9th and Joyner was up he would literally get up from his seat and head to the exits. He knew the chump would never come through. I was 5-9 during the Joyner years I believe, but even now when we go to games my dad will still bitch about Wally Joyner. Ha
by tcon125 on Jun 2, 2008 12:16 PM EDT 0 recs
Now we know what happened to Butler's power potential
Maybe that spot has been cursed by John Mayberry since Herzog got pissed and had him traded. Heh – we need a “curse” of our own, even if it is a bit weird.
Seriously, that was one of the more entertaining posts I’ve read in a while!
by loyal2sdad on Jun 2, 2008 1:45 PM EDT 0 recs
This is great stuff
Wow. The post, I mean.
If only Ken Harvey really were a fatter version of Sean Casey as he seemed to be during that magical half season of 2004, then two of these would not have been a part of this brilliant mockyoumentary
by Stat Ninja on Jun 2, 2008 3:25 PM EDT 0 recs








