Ode to the Light Hitting First Baseman

For years the Royals have been enamored with light-hitting first basemen, whether it be for the defense, their grit, or their outright moxie. First base has long been a position where teams employed burly home run hitters, usually the most feared man in the lineup. Not Kansas City. We like our first basemen to fling their bat at the ball, hit ground balls, make productive outs, and play solid defense. Sure, we've had the occasional John Mayberry, Willie Aikens, Steve Balboni, and even Hall of Famer George Brett. But who wants to see boring, rally-killing home runs, when we can see Hal Morris hit a weak ground out?

It is time to give these Princes of Pop-ups the recognition they deserve. I bring you, Ode to the Light Hitting First Baseman.

Pete LaCock 1977-1980
452 Games .277/.329/.380
12 Home Runs
Grit Factor: High

You must be gritty
With a name like “LaCock”
The children, they’ll tease you
With names that will shock

The Royals dealt Mayberry
Who looked like a blimp
But when they looked to LaCock
His bat would go limp

Pat Tabler 1988-1990
287 Games .279/.339/.347
4 Home Runs
Grit Factor: High

Pat was as clutch
As a hitter could get
If the bases were loaded
RBI were a sure bet

He wasn't strong like an ox
Or fast like a bullet
But he had a nice swing
And a pretty sweet mullet

Gerald Perry 1990
133 Games .254/.313/.361
8 Home Runs
Grit Factor: Low

The Royals were dazzled
By his All-Star bat
Gerald hit .300
An important stat

One thing to consider
Before trading ol’ Char
Was it really such a feat
To be a Braves All-Star?

Todd Benzinger 1991
78 Games .294/.334/.386
2 Home Runs
Grit Factor: Medium

First base was a mess
In 1991
Martinez and Benzinger
Could score nary a run

With Carmelo not hitting
It was Todd’s turn to go
Nicknamed “Mercedes”
He played more like a Yugo

Wally Joyner 1992-1995
518 Games .293/.371/.434
44 Home Runs
Grit Factor: Medium

Wally showed much power
In ’86 and ’87
“Wally World” was a hit
The Angels were in heaven

Then he went to KC
And the power would fall
And Royals fans discovered
It’s a small “World” after all

Hal Morris 1998
127 Games .309/.350/.381
1 Home Run
Grit Factor: Medium

Hal Morris was here
And gone in a flash
His interest in KC
Was simply for cash

But he provided us memories
Of baseball in the sun
We'll never forget
That one home run

Dave McCarty 2000-2002
214 Games .255/.317/.432
20 Home Runs
Grit Factor: Medium

He found new life in KC
After being a draft bust
He showed off some power
And fielding you could trust

After getting a contract
He never as well fared
But that cash was guaranteed
So thanks Allard Baird!

Ken Harvey 2001-2005
271 Games .274/.322/.411
27 Home Runs
Grit Factor: Low

A rotund singles hitter
Without much power
He was named as an All-Star
His one shining hour

While some first basemen
Cause opposing pitchers terrors
Ken Harvey was simply
A comedy of errors

Doug Mientkiewicz 2006
91 Games .283/.359/.411
4 Home Runs
Grit Factor: Off the Charts

Always a slick fielder
With a World Series ring
The Royals were excited
At the grit Doug could bring

Alas, he never hit homers
As the summers got muggy
But to be quite honest
This ode is not fair to Dougie

Ross Gload 2007-2008
145 Games .276/.310/.399
7 Home Runs
Grit Factor: Mientkiewicz-esque

We were more than happy
When Sisco left town
But when we saw Ross hit
Those smiles turned to frowns

He slaps at the ball
Its what he does best
But someone should tell him
To take off the dress