Royals Review: An SB Nation Community

Navigation: Jump to content areas:



Around SBN: Last Jannero Pargo Post Bar-right-arrows



Winning streaks, Major League comparisons, and...optimism?

Star-divide

So last night, I went to the Royals game.  They had not won since i returned after graduating from college in Saint Louis.  12 days I resided in Kansas City again without a Royals victory.  That curse was exorcised Saturday night, although there were a few moments where I was certain we were going to blow it.  Pena and our outfielders created a blooper on a dropped fly ball.  Joakim Soria doubled his season total for baserunners allowed.  Anyway, we won.  Today, we won again, 6-1.  Holy hell.  That's two in a row.  Tuesday, if we win in Chicago, that's called a winning streak  (Thank you manager Lou Brown).  This reminds me of the baseball classic "Major League."  Every season, because the Royals really mimic those terrible Cleveland teams of the late 80s and early 90s, I like to compare our laughability and roster with that of the Indians team in the hilarious movie.  While I'm sure it's a stretch to do, and it always is, it at least amuses me to make comparisons.  I'll add some quotables as well.

Willie Mays Hayes=Joey Gathright-- "Every time you hit the ball in the air I want you to drop and give me 20 push ups"

Roger Dorn=Mark Grudzielanek--"What am I supposed to do? Dive for it?"  (apologies to Grudz because he is still one of our better players, but the age is showing and the skill doesn't seem to be there)

Pedro Cerrano=Jose Guillen  (attitudes notwithstanding)  "I hit straight ball very much.  Curveball.  Bats afraid."

Rube Baker=John Buck (southern accents, throwing issues, likeability) "My momma always said, 'It's better to eat shit than to not eat at all.'"

Harry Doyle=Denny Matthews "Baker swings and sends  a 'real screamer' towards short.  Ah wrap up with it, fires to first...and Baker beats it with a head-first slide.  So the Indians have a runner.  I think I'll wet my pants."

Rachel Phelps=Glass family  "These are the players we'll be inviting to Spring Training this year."---"This guy is dead"--"Cross him off the list then."

Charlie Donovan=Dayton Moore  "That reminds me.  I was going to ask you.  What exactly is our team concept?"

Lou Brown=Trey Hillman  "Come on Dorn.  Get in front of the damn ball.  Don't give me this Ole bullshit"....also "No, keep him in, let's see how he reacts."

Past Royals that make the cut and fit accurately:

Rick Vaughn=Mike MacDougal  "Look.  I'll throw it.  You just make sure you catch it."

Jake Taylor=Brent Mayne "I'm hungover.  My knees are killing me and if you were gonna pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees."

Eddie Harris=Paul Byrd  "Crisco...Bardol...Vagisil.  Any one of them will give you another two to three inches drop on your curveball.  Of course if the umps are watching me real close, I'll rub a little jalapeno up my nose, get it runnin', and if I need to load the ball up I just...wipe my nose."

 

 

Anyways, just some entertainment to hold us over on the off day.  Draft coming up as well.  I look forward to reading a lot from you studious people.  I love the Royals and love all the stat analysis, just not enough to do all the research myself.

0 recs | Comment 9 comments

Story-email Email | Print |

Comments

Display:

Haha

laughing my ass off. Good stuff, I love the Major League movies.

by I need more Esteban on Jun 2, 2008 8:02 AM EDT   0 recs

This is good stuff

It’s hard to think of a fair Dorn comparison, but about Jose Offerman? Dude was a butcher with the glove.

by Stat Ninja on Jun 2, 2008 8:40 AM EDT   0 recs

is gathright omar epps version or the wesley snipes version?

And who is Jack Parkman? Based on the 2007 stats at Kauffman, it’d be Hafner or Konerko. But based on 2008, it’s Grady Sizemore, hands down.

This space intentionally left blank.

by marbotty on Jun 2, 2008 9:34 AM EDT   0 recs

snipes

the epps version had money, no talent outside baseball, and hit for power when he wanted. snipes was flashy, dared people to throw him out on the bases, and did remarkable things like outrunning people in springs bare-footed in pajamas, which I dunno but might be comparable to jumping cars….and pitchers. As for Parkman, I wanted to think of someone who is a total prick and used to play for us that kills us every time we play against him. Since I don’t know the guys personally it’s hard to say who’s a prick. But former Royals who are Royal-killers now include: Jermaine Dye, Johnny Damon, Raul Ibanez, David Cone, Kevin Appier, Tom Gordon, and maybe others. Let me know if I’m forgetting someone.

Never giving up on your team is what makes you a good fan.

by kcisbetterthanstlateverything on Jun 2, 2008 1:09 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Another great line:

“How could you trade my best player without telling me!”
“I don’t know, I’m in over my ass, I’m not gonna make next month’s payroll”
Grumble Grumble
“But I didn’t sell Parkman outright, I got you an outfielder….he used to play for the Giants”
-Lou looks intrigued
“Not those Giants”
Cut to Tanaka running into the outfield wall and dropping the ball, knocking himself out cold.

Ah I love that movie.

by I need more Esteban on Jun 2, 2008 3:26 PM EDT   0 recs

We could really use

A Kamikaze Tanaka.

Relive Royals History at royalsretro.blogspot.com

by RoyalsRetro on Jun 3, 2008 11:12 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Comments For This Post Are Closed


User Tools

Welcome to the SB Nation blog about Kansas City Royals.

FanPosts

Community blog posts and discussion.

Recommended FanPosts

Zackgreinke2_small
Top 10 outfield prospects
Nyroyal3a_small
Banny, we're breaking up
31049_small
Ryan LeFebvre Drinking Game

Recent FanPosts

Jose_guillen_powder_small
Statheads, help me out
Jose_guillen_powder_small
What do we do with Guillen?
Sweeney_takes_weaver_small
RRMLP: Burlington (NC) Royals Season Recap
Stadium-sellout-450w_small
DM on 610 right now
Small
Trade Proposal
Olly_8_small
RANGERS, ROYALS RUMBLE FOR SUCK RIGHTS
Gesture_raised_fist_with_index_and_pinky_lifted_small
Decision 2008: God, Hoagy, I'd've Died for You; or, Nicknaming Brandon Duckworth
Small
Jon Garland, Free Agent Landmine
Jose_guillen_powder_small
The Gordon injury got me thinking...

Post_icon New FanPost All FanPosts Carrot-mini


Site Meter