Get the Cards a body bag , yeeeeaaahhh! Just when we thought the season might be over, Mike "The Missing Avilanche of Salvation" Aviles begins to rake and lead this whole team to a series of wins that can't help but put the team in the wild card, and probably the division race. Nothing can possi-bligh go wrong at this point, amiright? I think it's time for DMGM to finally make some moves to move this teams chance of contention in 2008 from 85% all the way to 99.99999999% (there is a chance that Aviles might get hit by lighting, a piano might fall out of an airplane onto him, Ozzie Guillen might try some wacky religious thing, or something like that). We're so close, baby!!!!! Here are a few moves I suggest that DMGM might consider. No, that he MUST DO. Or I will never ever watch a game (even on GameDay) involving these losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers losers111111!!1

• Despite Aviles' hitting at a rate that will be easy enough for him to maintain (and probably build on), his defense at SS is a little spotty (that doesn't mean  true Royals fans can't dream of "scissoring" him, whatever that means) . I say move him to 3rd, where his skillz will shine and his numbers already are more exciting than spoiled, aloof, hole-in-his-swing baby Alex Gordon.
• But what do the Royals do about SS then? Well, it's time for a Kenny WIlliams fleecing. An idiot who clearly forgot how a few bunts and a whole-lotta-Scott Podsednik won the White Sox the World Series in 2005, he now seems to be overvaluing OBP and Power with the acquisition of totally selfish non-grinders like Nick "Moneyball" Swisher and Carlos Quentin. This is when the Royals make their move -- Remember Alex Gordon? The guy who just got benched for a homegrown hero? Package his entitled ass together with Ramon "I'll never be closer because 9 is scarier than 7 or 8" Ramirez for Orlando Cabrera and Paul Konerko. Addition by substraction -- getting rid of clubhouse cancer and non-leader and throw in a dude who once gave up some hits late in a game. Addition by addition -- two dudes who dont' care about numbers (except maybe really meaningful ones like errors) and have rings and now how 2 win. Pure GRIT, baby.
• Failing that, Moustakas for Eckstein. 'Nuff said.
• This will free up Teahen for the outfield. Meh, who cares. Throw him in the Cabrera-and-Konerko deal for all I care (that = more playing time for future superstar Joey Gathright). What's important is that Konerko might be aging, so the team needs to preserve him. The answer may surprise you. A real EXPLOSIVE surprise. That's right: Ross Gload needs to be the everyday          1B.. Between his D at first and O-Cab's error-free defense at short, in every game, the Royals will be 3-4 runs ahead before the first pitch is thrown.
• Costa NOW!
• What about Billy Butler, you say? Who cares. THE FUTURE IS NOW PEOPLE!!! Maybe trade him for a proven closer. Eric Gagne, I dunno. Who cares. 2008 it is!!!! DANG THE (bleep) TORPEDOS, FULL (bleep)ing SPEED AHEAD RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWGHGH!!!111

[As requested. Promises Kept.]