MILWAUKEE: In an unprecedented move, the Major League Baseball commissioner’s office announced today that they would grant the Royals a “Do-Over” this offseason. Effective immediately, all moves executed so far this offseason by Royals GM Dayton Moore will be revoked and the team will be allowed to start over with a clean slate.
“It’s little bit like playing chess on your mobile phone,” said Bud Selig when asked why he initiated the move. “You have those times when you’re riding public transportation or you’re waiting for the dentist and you’re playing mobile-phone chess. You make a hasty move and seemingly out of nowhere, the computer slays your queen. What do you do? You end the game right there and start a new one. I know that’s what I’d do. I think the same opportunity should be offered to the Royals, owners around baseball reluctantly concede they should be given another shot.”
Recent contracts signed by Kyle Farnsworth, Horacio Ramirez, and Willie Bloomquist will be torn up, while Coco Crisp and Mike Jacobs will be returned to their former teams, along with the players they were dealt for.
“We thought about maybe allowing the Crisp deal to remain in place, but you don’t get to cherry pick when starting a new mobile phone chess game, so we won’t do that here,” said Selig.
The Royals front office had mixed feelings about the do-over. “Had I known players like Pat Burrell would be going for roughly 2/3 the money we spent on Hoagie last year, I guess I wouldn’t have pounced so quickly on Jacobs,” Royals GM Dayton Moore conceded. “And I definitely wouldn’t have done the Farnsworth deal,” he said chuckling, “I don’t know what the heck we were thinking there. We looked up from that move and realized all of a sudden, ‘hey wait a minute, now we can’t afford the Burrells, the Dunns, the Furcals.’ Shoot, if I’d known Farnsy would cost us a shot at Furcal, I never would have done it.”
The Royals inquired if all other teams’ moves could also be erased, so that the Royals could start over on an even playing field with the rest of baseball, but that request was declined.
“Oh, we talked about it,” said Selig. “That’s something we thought of, but at the end of the day, an MLB-wide do-over was maybe going a bit too far.”
After the announcement, a band of Royals fans paraded through the Country Club Plaza in Kansas City, popping champagne in the Royals’ honor for the first time since 1985.
“It’s just a huge relief,” said one guest blogger at Royals Review. “I was getting ready to turn to another sport next summer, like Korfball. I’m glad I get to keep watching baseball.”