One of the best things someone can do to gain the respect and trust of a white person is to attend a baseball game at Wrigley Field, the home of the Chicago Cubs. There are rumors that Wrigley Field is like the device in The Fly that turned Jeff Goldblum into a bug, except that instead of turning a human into an insect, it can turn nonwhite people into white people... Wrigley is a reminder of days gone by, although it is unwise to point out that white people are being nostalgic for an era when baseball was only played by white people. It will make them feel sad and will likely ruin their expensive "bleacher" seats... A trip to Wrigley Field with a white person can be the final piece in the friendship puzzle. Be sure to bring khaki shorts, which are required for entry to the stadium.