Hey Coco is still available. Look, if you were Baltimore, who would you rather have? With the rumors of Podsednik, take it with a grain of salt. We have enough all grit, limited talent players like Wilie. Also even if we sign Podsednik for a good price, he is a significant upgrade over Josh Anderson. Anyway, until players like Jarrod Dyson and Derrick Robinson make their mark, what choice do you have as a Royal fan?

Zack, Soria, Butler, and Gordon would be untradeable. Callaspo, Meche, and DDJ would be available at the right price, which is more than Felix Pie. Everybody else I would be more than willing to deal. Or, in several cases, pay money to be rid of. Too bad Woody Harrelson’s dad is in jail for murdering a federal judge, or we could hire him to do a hit job on Guillén.

OT: It might not sound politically correct, but what about “Black Jack” Soria as a nickname? It sounds cool, there’s the high-roller gambling reference (of course, blackjack always wins), and there was a genuine Old West outlaw named Black Jack Ketchum, who was white.

Black Jack was not an especially successful outlaw, though he did ride with the Wild Bunch sometimes. They finally hanged him for train robbery in New Mexico in 1901, and his execution is notable because they’d never hanged anyone before in that county and weren’t real sure what they were doing. They set the drop way too long and it tore his head off. Photo postcards were made and widely sold, and I believe there’s one posted at Ketchum’s Wikipedia page.

We need some outlaw nicknames for the Royals. Gordon could be “The Nebraska Kid.” Butler could be “Baby Face.” Banny could be “Doc.” Callaspo could be “Machine Gun.” If DDJ is sporting a goatee, he could be “Blackbeard.” Or “Pretty Boy.” Farnsworth could be “Mad Dog.” Or “Wild Bill.”