Spring Training stats don't mean anything...unless you're fighting for a roster spot

So maybe I shouldn't be angry about this, maybe it's just the Bud Light and expensive hookers (maybe they're just random Korean women)* talking...but does Doug Waechter realize he is fighting for a roster spot? I come home expecting to find another courageous victory in the Battle for Grass Creek only to discover some kind of sick rudimentary compass in my lawn.

*This might sound racist but they are actually Korean women. I live with Asian foreign exchange students, and Bob Kelso sends my roommates tuition payments.

In fact, this may not be a question posed only to Waechter, but others in the hunt for roster positions. Now admittedly, I am not a sabermetrics guru, I am learning on the job from the rest of you. However, as rudimentary as it is, one's ERA cannot be 31.50.

Two points:

1)We are willing to ignore Spring training stats if you are one of the following:
SP: Gil Meche, Zach Greinke

RP: Joakim Soria, Kyle Farnsworth (Due to contract, not his actual worth), Juan Cruz, Ron Mahay

Also we note, the Royals have sent up 31 pitchers and only six have locked in roster spots (or staff heirarchy),. So that leaves 25 men, who could theoretically improve their standing by pitching well.

2)However, let's be honest, these men are pretty locked on our staff, barring injury or apocolyptic regression in the next two weeks.

Meche, Greinke, Davies, Hochevar

Soria, Cruz, Farnsworth, Mahay, Tejada, (possibly Bale)

To be fair, not all have "Waechtered" their spring games. Davies and Hochevar have pitched well enough to lock up rotation spots as of now. Ducky has proved he can be the best eight or ninth starter in baseball, and I say that with all affection. Ramon Colon has shown his skills, which during his MLB career have proven to be ineffective, if not useless.

If he ever pitches, this should always be displayed on the Jumbotron.

(Thanks to devil_fingers' SP article for reminding me of this)

So here's how the last rotation spot battle is stacking up. Ho-ram wants desperately to be in the bullpen, or just sucks. Bannister is playing mind games with everyone but the hitters. Sir Ponson looked his usual self today, and sadly he may be our best no. 5 option. We have spoken on depth, and acknowledged that our fifth starter need not be an all-star. Yet I still cringe at the thought of any of these men pitching every fifth day, why?

Now, the bullpen is another story. Waechter is the impetus for my post, because he has been horrendous. Sure, it is just two innings, but seven runs, come on. Put TPJ on the mound and the other team would have scored six or seven less. Jo-el is still my mortal enemy and strikes fear into my heart every time he gets the call. Bale is out. The also-rans (Colon, Wright, Phillips) are faring well. There will be twelve pitchers on this roster for better or worse, and three will come from the following.

Ramirez, Bannister, Ponson, Waechter, Bale, Peralta

Outsiders: Wright, Colon, Heath Phillips (? I really had no idea who he was, and seemingly his stats offered no help, any personal thoughts would be helpful.)

I would prefer HoRam was a reliever, since he would be far more effective in such a role. Sometimes, Bannister might as well be humping a doorknob, because he seems to be lost on what the objective of pitching is: to get the batter out. If that puts Mr. Congeniality, Sidney Ponson, in the fifth spot I might cry myself to sleep as he eats all of my barbecue and destroys the chemistry carefully constructed by clubhouse leader, Jose Guillen. If HoRam is a reliever, two of those spots are locked down. I'll say Waechter gets that last spot, by default until Bale returns, but doesn't he have to show some improvement upon what he accomplished today?

I'm guessing this is just a long overdrawn way of asking: If Spring Training means nothing , why do we care? I know we've been languishing in a NBA/NHL world since the Super Bowl, and this is our pastime. Yet if these men aren't playing for roster spots, why doesn't everyone "Waechter" their Spring Training, including us (We have been trouncing our opponents on the open threads, kudos)? We've said frequently that these stats don't matter, but when do underachievers without guaranteed contracts improve or head over to minor league camp?

I'm sorry for my anger (Blame the latest battle lost), but I have dreadful nightmares about the Royals when April approaches and I need assurance it won't be the same as every April. Except for that magical one where I dropped some Orange Sunshine and the Royals were leading their division throughout the month. When I finally got out of rehab, they were in third and I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the whole incident. Or maybe that happened because Mike and I had a super prayer together before the season (I was probably high when that happened also, don't tell Sweeney).

We have established that we have an effective pitching staff, but I would be happier if our fifth starter and last bullpen options performed to a level of a replacement-level pitcher (or even close) before we tossed them into the fire. Also, if Peralta makes the roster,  and gives up a HR in his first appearance, I may hurt someone (a St. Louis resident, so no one useful). So comrades, please sooth my nerves, or chastise me for wining about a problem that we discounted days ago.

As for the offense, let's hope Spring Training stats do mean something.