It’s great :)

After incalculable (number) years as a long suffering (ironic adjective, e.g. “die-hard”) Royals fan, this recent Royals era, starting in the last millennium (negative baseball event, e.g. “trade,” “acquisition,” “losing streak”) has finally worn out my masochistic tendencies (ironic term, e.g. “loyalty”). I have always been someone with a high tolerance for pain (hilariously false term, e.g. “optimistic”), but this is too much.

The Royals’ general manager, Bill Bavasi Dayton Moore (name of Royals general manager), obviously doesn’t know anything about the rules of baseball, particularly that the pennant is not awarded to the team with the most players previously employed by the Atlanta and Seattle baseball clubs (fundamental body of baseball knowledge). Every move he has made is wrong. Trading Zack Greinke for a bag of batting practice baseballs Jeff Francoeur (most recent transaction) is the worst thing he’s done since sometime last week (cliche such as “last straw”).

The mustachioed one (no, not him- the newer version)‘s (name of Royals manager) ineptitude continues to inspire fits of uncontrollable giggling from the opposing dugout (synonym for “rage”). I mean, did you see {insert any of the many trivial mistakes from the game yesterday} (trivial mistake in recent game)? Clearly he should have chosen a better career like rodeo clown or, save that, boarded a plane back to Japan, then *let John Gibbons manage as he doesn’t know where Hillman keep the magnetic poetry kit normally used to fill out the lineup card* and replaced Farnsworth with a pitching machine, (impossible suggestion which likely would not have changed outcome) then the Royals would have won. He has cost the team 162 (number above 20) wins this year. He needs to go, and so does everyone associated with the team except Trevor Vance (name of pitching coach or other coach).

Jose Guillen, Miguel Olivo, Mike Jacobs, and insert current shortstop here (names of current Royals players) can’t judge the strike zone as well as a team of Stevie Wonder and Louis Braille, keep Tom Emanski from having his face melt like the Nazi in Indiana Jones , or know which base to run to even if Dave Owen was still working at Bob Hamelin’s dealership, selling cars as he was last year (fundamental baseball skills). This is even worse than the era of All Star Ken Harvey, that time he got hit in the back with a throw, and the tarp (names of former Royals players). Whoever Nick Swartz gets within 10 feet of (current player) is injured even more than Mike Sweeney (Mike Sweeney).

Until it is once again popular to pretend to like baseball in this city (ridiculous condition, e.g. “until the front office is replaced”), I am bandwagoningly (self-important adjective, e.g. “officially”) done as a Royals fan. I wish it didn’t have to be this way (insincere apology), but I just can’t take it anymore. I’d go root for the Cardinals, if their self-proclaimed best fans in baseball weren’t a bunch of whiners (final pretentious, attention-whoring statement).

You just can’t beat “replaced Farnsworth with a pitching machine”- I think that needs to be added in as permanent text for its timeless quality :)

24
ridiculously huge
23 year stretch
love for baseball
sane

daytona moore
how to not lose 100 games per season
trey hillman still having his job
dumbest decision yet

trey hillman
tears from the 5 fans in attendance at non-grienke games
him pushing back zack grienke’s next start to resign and start jimmy gobble
cloned zack grienke 4 times,
cloned joakim soria 5 times,
then fire the rest of the pitching staff
and prayed the team can score one run
with one of the grienke’s on the mound
51 but soon to be 100
whoever teaches mike jacobs to hit

mike jacobs
miguel olivo
tony pena jr
kyle farnsworth
hit
field
or pitch depending on which one they’re paid to do
jimmy gobble
scott elarton
benito santiago
nobody can be ever
mike sweeney

until the royals can hit .200 as a team for a season
forever
i would like to believe in “new…blue…tradition” or that hope is coming sometime soon
we all might as well go watch the royals AA team play because that’s going to be they’re roster in 3 years anyways