Last night, I was enjoying an ice-cold Michelob Ultra at my favorite watering hole, after a long day of work.
The Royals game was on in the background, and a certain Mr. Mark Teahen was at the plate with a man on base. He had that "I'm going to pop out to second base look in his eye", and, as luck and talent and averages would have it, that is exactly what he did. To be fair to him, I fully expected him to single in the run, since the game was out reach, and Mr. Teahen is not known for his play under pressure.
Before the pop-out, however, I took note of two startling statistics: (1) a Michelob Ultra has only 95 calories in it, and (2) Mr. Teahen has only 47 ribbies for the season. A primary thought sprung into my mind: how can a Mich Ultra taste so good, with only 95 calories, and then came a secondary thought, and one more relevant to this Journal: how can Teahen have only 47 RBI's for the season? [Side note: how can he only have four more ribbies than Yuni--this may a subject for a seperate inquiry]. We all know that half of 95 is roughly 47, so the issue presented here can be stated in a different way: Mark Teahen has knocked in a quantitately similar number of runs to the calories of half of a Light Beer. Think that one through the next time you buy an $8 bottle of beer at the Old K.
If a Light Beer has only 95 calories, a professional hitter with 47 ribbies would certainly seem to qualify a Light Hitter. Ipso facto, case closed. As such, I propose that Teahen's new nickname officially be Light Beer: i.e., he goes down easy, especially with men on base.
This seaon has left a bad taste in everybody's mouth. I say get proactive and trade Light Beer, at our earliest opportunity.