A Recap of the Post-Season Awards Banquet

Well, it's been a while since we've unearthed a Royals transcript, and not much interesting has happened in the meantime.  Let's see, Ron Mahay got traded, Aaron Crow just signed, and the Royals have gone on a late season winning streak in an attempt to ease the sting of the ineptitude seen throughout the season.  That's about it.  

Oh, we had a few more defenses of "The Process", a few more Trey-isms, and a lot more losses.  But despite the lack of events, I apologize for the transcripts going missing throughout July and August.  I guess you could say I went all Mark Teahen on you.   (Ba-dump-ching!) 

Anyway, in an attempt to restart the series, here's the latest transcript we've been unable to unearth --  this one coming from the organization's internal post-season awards banquet.  Hope you enjoy.

Dayton:  Good evening everyone.  You may have noticed that we are having the awards ceremony a little early this year as there are still a handful of games remaining.  Honestly, we've got a lot of work to do this offseason and wanted to get a jump start on it as soon as possible.  Besides, the awards were pretty much decided anyway, there's no reason to delay gratification for a job well done.

As many have noted, we had a rough season this year in terms of wins and losses.  But that's only one way to judge things -- a better way would be to look at our own personal growth.  We've learned how to deal with failure, which means we've won at something more important: our lives.  Everyone really a winner in that sense -- not in terms of wins and losses of course, which really isn't a fair way to judge us at this point in the process, but it terms of personally.  The front office as well. 

We've also learned to deal with mistakes and failure and internalize the lessons learned.  We had a postmortem analysis on the season several weeks ago, but we may need to change our finding based on the hot September.  Our initial findings were telling us that we have a lot of work to do to prepare for next season, but the last couple of weeks have brought it full circle and seem to be saying "Trust the Process."

So, with that, don't think of this 90+ loss season as a failure, think of it as winning at learning one of life lessons."

Dayton: "So let's begin with a fun award -- the award for Best Broadcaster.  These men helped the fans come to a better appreciation of Royals baseball through their tireless efforts at narrating the games.  They also did their part in defending the organization against the attacks from various media outlets and bloggers.

And the nominees are:

Bob Davis:  For his ability to turn a routine pop-up to second base into a potential 3-run home run.  And with Yuniesky on the team, we have no shortage of routine pop-ups!

Ryan Lefebvre:  For his ability to mock modern statistic analysis in accordance with the teams' official stance.  The way he mocks quality starts and yearns for more bunts is fantastic.

Frank White: For his ability to add his knowledge of the game as a player in support of Ryan, and well known for chuckling throughout the broadcast.  We had one of our stats guys try to come up with a new stat to describe Frank's performance.  They came up with Chuckles per Innings Televised, which is at an absurdly high 4.23.  Yes, you could say that Frank really knows his CHIT."

/Awkward silence

"Ahem...

And the winner is................................BOB DAVIS!!!!!!! Come on up here Bob!!"

  Bob Davis: "THANK YOU DAYTON.  THIS COULD BE THE GREATEST AWARD EVER GIVEN TO AN ANNOUNCER.  I HAVE A FEW PREPARED REMARKS THAT SHOULD ONLY TAKE ABOUT 10 MINUTES OR SO. "

/Bob grabs note cards out of his pocket

"THANK YOU EVERYONE."

/Bob leaves the stage and sits down

Dayton: And now we're moving on to the award for best teammate.  This person exemplifies the traits necessary to be a leader of the Kansas City Royals.  Your nominees are:

Jose Guillen:  As you all know, Jose had a bit of a rough season in the clubhouse last year.  He showed up overweight, went on his babies tirade, tried to attack fans, and said he didn't want to play in Kauffman stadium anymore.  Well, those things are a thing of the past -- Jose had an amazingly quiet season -- he didn't demean the fans or badmouth teammates to the press, he only came out against himself -- for that, he's our first nominee.
Mike Jacobs:  Mike's been lauded as being a great clubhouse presence ever since he arrived in the trade from Florida.  I mean, how could he not be a good teammate?  Someone who rarely plays and is as bad as he is when they do has to be doing something right in the clubhouse.

And our final nominee,

Miguel Olivo:  Some of you may remember an incident during the summer when Mike and Josey got into a scrape outside the team hotel.  What you didn't know what the Miggy was instrumental in breaking that up and patching things up between the two.  I believe we have a video of it:

/Lights dim as it cuts to video popping up on the projector - Jose, Mike and Miguel all sitting around a table in the outfield drinking beers.  Jose and Miguel are drinking Dos Equis, while Mike sips on a Camo 40 oz.

Miguel: "Look guys, I know you're both pissed at each other right now, but the truth is that you're both wrong.  Look, I'm going to lay this out, you're both bad at defense, and neither one of you can take a walk.  But you know who has an even worse reputation at taking pitches?  That's right, me.  And have you seen my half-hearted stabs at balls in the dirt?  Heck, I can't even seem to catch any runners stealing this year.  And look at Ryan Freel -- that guy can't get on base to save his life.  So, just let it go guys, there's no point in arguing who sucks more, because there's plenty of guys on this team who are worse."

/Lights come back up and Dayton is seen wiping a tear away from his eye

  Dayton:  And the winner is......"Miguel Olivo, for his 'Beer Summit'"

/Miguel jogs up to the stage, Dayton shakes his head

Dayton: You never walk, do you?

Miguel: You know you love it..

/Miguel jogs back to his seat

Dayton: Ok, and now we come to the award for best defense on the club.  I had our coaches work a long time on compiling the nominees for this award, but I tell you, I don't know how they judge this stuff, I really don't. 

Dayton: "And your nominees are:

David DeJesus: For his play in LF.  We've been working hard at getting him in the running for a Gold Glove.  I'm not sure exactly how that's going; supposedly there is some kick back from some nerds.

Zack Greinke: For his outstanding defense at pitcher.  We're also trying to get him a Gold Glove.

Billy Butler: For his -- 'ABILITY TO TURN A 3-6-3 DOUBLE PLAY?!?'...............I......just...I....<inaudible>"

/Teahen and Butler laughing in the corner of the room

"excuse me...and......<cough>......................................

and Willie Bloomquist: For his ability to play all over the field."

....

And the winner is:.........................................................David DeJesus!!!!!!

/David runs up to the podium to accept his award

David:  Well, you know it started out pretty disappointing, I had a terrible April. But you know, you just keep your head up, keep on smiling, keep worki----

/JoGui runs onto the stage

JoGuiManwich: Yo David, I'm real happy for you and Imma let you finish, but I just wanted to say that Yuniesky's defense is the best of ALL TIME!

David: Ummmmmm....O......K.......................................

/David leaves the stage, head hung down.

Dayton: And now we're moving on to the Most Valuable Player on the club.  This person was the most valuable to us at helping us win games.  Many writers and fans have suggested ways to help us pick out the most valuable player on the team, but in the end, there's really only one way to evaluate who was the best player:  The player who had the most RBIs.  And as of today, that's the Big Man, Billy Butler.  Come on up here Billy!

/Billy walks up to the stage and picks up his award

Billy: I'd like to thank the team for continuing to believe in me and for giving me a chance to prove myself at first base.        

...

Oh, and thanks for not trading me for Yuniesky.

/Billy leaves the stage as crowd giggles and Dayton glares

Dayton: Up next is our award for 'Pitcher of the Year'.  Much like "MVP", there are a lot of "statistics" that can be "used" to help you make a decision determining the winner.  If you're in to that sort of thing.  But for us, there was only one number that mattered in making the decision -- and the number is 16.  That's right, Zack's 16 wins as a pitcher.  That number alone showed us just how well he pitched in leading the team.  Unfortunately, he couldn't be here this evening, he left town early -- something about "getting away from all of the losing".  Anyway, we're excited to have him here at least 3 more years!

/Dayton places the 'Pitcher of the Year' trophy aside.

Dayton: We have a special guest announcer for our next award.  Presenting the award for Manager of the Year, give it up for the legend, #5, George Brett.

/George walks to the stage, drink in hand, to a large round of applause

George:  "Being a manager is one of the toughest jobs out there I've been told.  These guys have to deal with harsh criticism in the media, from fans, and do you know how many guys they have to compete against?!?

/Holds up 3 fingers

So, here they are, your candidates for 'Manager of the Year':

John Gibbons: For his masterful control over the team during Trey's absences.  He managed to do it without punching a single player.

  Trey Hillman: For his success at turning Greinke into the Cy Young candidate that he is and turning Billy Butler into one of the best young hitters in KC in recent memory.

And your winner is:"

/George fumbles around trying to open the envelope, drops it, picks it up, and ends up tearing it open like a bag of potato chips

"Trey Hillman!"

/Trey moseys up to the stage to accept his award

Trey: Thanks guys.  This and the vote of confidence have been fantastic.  I'd like to break it down and show you all how I had a role in making Zack and Billy into the players they are today, how we taught Billy to induce fearful contact, and how we implored Zack for press the envelope and be proactive with his fastball while achieving a synergy with his breaking pitches thereby creating a whole new pitching paradigm, but there's too much.  I'm not going to bang my head against the wall trying, because quite frankly there's stuff I just can't educate. I just can't.

/'One of the greatest baseball minds of our generation" accepts his award and leaves the stage

Dayton: "And now we're moving on to a category that's close to my heart: 'Most valuable former Mariner or Brave'.  These players, through their effort and talent have made us into the team we are today.  And the nominees are:

Josh Anderson.  Affectionately referred to as "White out" by teammates, which may be one of the best cross-promotional nicknames ever.  Mike <looking over at Mike Arbuckle>, do we have someone in contact with 3M to see if we can get Josh a promotional deal?" 

/Mike nods in approval

"Fantastic. Moving on, our next nominee is...

Jose Guillen:  Sure, he's had a down year this season, but those 20 HRs and 97 RBI last year.....I've been told that there weren't any complaints about those numbers.

  Miguel Olivo:  Miguel came into his own this year.  He called amazing games in helping Zack win the Cy Young, and he hit a ton of home runs.  We expect him to transition his game calling skills to the rest of the pitchers on the staff to help them also maximize their potential.  And as long as he continues to hit 20 or more home runs a year, we've got ourselves a long term solution at catcher.

Kyle Farnsworth:  Kyle had a bit of a down year, as he was injured for about half of the year, and had some unusual struggles with giving up home runs.  We're expecting big things out of him next year though.

Yuniesky Betancourt:  My staff assembled quotes from baseball people I know and trust throughout the industry after we acquired Yuni, and I saw like quotes like: ".... really won the trade", "complete rip-off for ...", "...had the best tools in the game in 2005....", "You've got to love this trade if you're a fan of ....".  He's been nothing short of amazing since coming on board, and we're expecting big things next year.

And the winner is...........................................Me."

/Stunned silence following by a few random claps

"Come on.  None of these guys would even be here if it wasn't for me.  Me.  The creator of 'The Process!'"

/Dayton holds up the award with one hand

Dayton: "So that about wraps it out.  We had a lot of fun tonight, but we've all got work to do in the off-season ahead.  Keep safe, and remember to keep on trusting the process -- we've still got the Plaza on standby for an October parade!"

PECOTA: The Process is Sound. /wrists