I caught up with Mark McGwire's Crybaby Tears (MMCT) recently, and wanted to share the results of my interview:
Me: You must be tired?
MMCT: Yes. It's been a roughly decade or two.
Me: Why does McGwire cry so much?
MMCT: No idea. Apparently he has a lot to cry about.
Me: Do you ever want to just slap him and tell him to act like a man?
MMCT: No, not everybody can be brave as a Civil War General shot by his own men, you know.
Me: Yeah, but I never took steroids and lied about it and then acted like a pussy when I was caught.
MMCT: Good point. My bad.
Me: What were your thoughts when he broke the home run record?
MMCT: It made me want to cry like a little baby.
Me: I can only imagine. I bet his acne was pretty worked up too.
Me again: Were you aware he was taking steroids?
MMCT: Stonewall, I don't want to talk about the past.
Me: That's bullcrap. I'm not getting paid enough for this. This interview is over. I'm an online journalist, not some podunk Congressman.
And that's how the interview ended.
Let's just say McGwire and I won't be gettting together for beers during the I-70 Series this year.