Flashback: The Battle of Arlington's Tragic Ending

I don't typically write much about the Royals, as I deem that you all do a much better job of making sane reasonable arguments. However, back in April I wrote this as an offbeat game summary of the finale between the Rangers and the Royals. I forgot to post it here then, and just rediscovered it buried in my Facebook account right next to a blog on hot chicks playing cellos. I felt in the ever increasing gloom that is falling upon us, it might be nice to look back on brighter times like blown saves in April. This is what happens when a History and English student addicted to sports spends too much time thinking about something.

The Battle of Arlington's Tragic Ending

The battle was unexpectedly calm, as neither side had managed to inflict the lethal blow. The Royal army had devastated the defending Ranger army for two days, first through offensive show of force and then by diversionary tactics of subtle brilliance. Yet the Rangers were not swept away, and held one last chance to salvage some pride and hope from the battle. The first attack of the third day came from the defenders, walking into favorable situations on their own turf and watching the visitors give ground. Then, the valiant visitors fought back and steadily equaled their opponents and then took the fight to the defenders.

Heavy blows rained down upon the defenders flanks, and then steadily they marched forward without giving any ground back. First, Chia Pet Chin Jacobs struck the left flank just over the defenders walls. As the Rangers struck back, they were counterattacked with smaller infantry, whose impact cannot not be overlooked. Names like Young Buck, Mitchy the Kid, the Swiss Army Knife, and Bert will never be forgotten. At this moment, David of Jesus struck the right wall with half the force Jacobs mustered, and the Rangers looked fated to be swept away. However, Trey of the Hills is known by the Royal Nation for his awful strategic maneuvers and puts his second strongest man forward, Don Cruz. He performs admirably, so the hapless general senses a need for another to take his place. Ron the Lefty, was brought in to face their deadliest offensive champion. Their champion had been bruised and beaten throughout the three day battle, never once able to strike a lethal blow, and neither would he in such a moment. After the lefty vanquished him, victory seemed certain.

However, fate did not side with the lefty, as he fought on he tired and erred. The other men disheartened by his failure erred as well, and the Chia-Pet Chin fell on his own sword Lefty was replaced by an able yet tragically flawed man. James the Wright was never meant to be in such a situation, yet had fought valiantly in the early stages of the campaign and seemed to be the only option, except for the mighty Mexicutioner who has been held back for only the most dire of situations. Like the others before him, James fought with honor yet could not move his troops to beat the enemies back into their dugout positions. At this point, the battle was a stalemate, and fate rested in the choice of which fresh troops to send to fight next. As the Rangers sent forward their savior, who responded by calmly disposing of the Royals. The Royals were bound to finally turn to theirs.

As I glanced expectantly upwards hoping to see our savior, I was greeted by an unexpected face. The mercenary soldier was called forward, but he was not right for this battle. I knew what that face meant for our fate, and how those glasses will be burned forever into my brain. Even against a fighter who skills are vastly overrated he was simply outmatched. I knew it was over, never to be claimed by the loyal men in blue standing behind him who had fought so hard for victory. He took the field with an air of confidence and the match began. His first feeble attempt veered wide of the mark, and was simply ignored by the gritty man straddling the fate that awaited him. His second lunge was parried, and into the hearts of all the Royal family the enemy sword plunged. We all watched in horror as this long, but easily winnable battle came to its inevitable impasse.

We had been defeated for the third time in the campaign in the same manner. As our simple brawler cannot compete in the arena of war for which he was once young and capable of doing battle, he is now worthless to the further deepening cause. As the Royals strive to achieve dominance, a new competitor is only two days march away and one that dearly seeks the same trophy as our fledgling nation. We must learn from the battle of today, as we arrive in Tribal lands the day after morrow. There we must regain the honor lost by our leaders and mercenary soldier, and then perhaps, we can find a second campaign worthy of our Triumvirate and their ever increasing dominance. As the Brave Leader and Glassman look on, their troops head northeast, with their heads slightly sunk from where they inhaled the air of success the day before.

Here's a recap
Here's the Box Score

Three notes:
1)I wonder how many historical periods I accidentally reference in this.
2)If you are angry about a game, trying to creatively describe your heartbreak over an April loss is surprisingly useful

3)The April nicknames were much more positive, and certainly are attributed to some of the readers here. Feel free to take credit for those.