A massive waste of time.
But here it is, in all its glory. Many of these are pretty weak. But I did it, dammit.
I did it.
Please come up with better ones. Like I said....some I just included because I lost my comedic/wittiness compass midway through it all because my brain was fried.
Yuniesky Betancourt: "Batter Nine You Sucky" (probably one of the best, and somebody else came up with it)
Scott Podsednik: "Noted Dick Spots", "Pot-Stoned Dicks"
Alex Gordon: "Lo, Danger Ox", "Grand Ole Ox", "Real Ox Dong", "Ex-Long A-Rod"
Alberto Callaspo: "Pal To Caballeros", "Capable Oral Slot", "Rascal Let A Bloop", "Ol’ Alpaca-Lobster"
Eric Hosmer: "Me So Richer", "Me Hi-Scorer", "Crime Horse"
David DeJesus: "Jive-Ass D-Dude"
Mitch Maier: "I Emit Charm", "Car Hit Mime", "He Mimic Tar"
Chris Getz: "Chez Grits"
Kyle Farnsworth: "Frankly He Worst"
Noel Arguelles: "Enrolls League", "Lone Eagle Slur", "Organelle Slue" (just because it's downright horrifying), "Nu-Age Eel Rolls", "Reel On, Seagull", "Eel-Angler Soul", "Sullen Ogre Ale",
Brian Bannister: "Brain Breast Inn", "Inner Brain Stab", (somebody else take care of this, so, so many possibilities)
Aaron Crow: "Racoon War"
Juan Cruz: ?
Kyle Davies: "Veiled Yaks"
Zack Greinke: ?
Gaby Hernandez: "Ayn Rand: GHB E-Z", "Hazy Genre Band"
Luke Hochevar: "Hero Have Luck", "Cave Hulk Hero"
Dusty Hughes: "Shy Used Thug", "He's Gutsy, Duh!"
Anthony Lerew: "Ornately Hewn", "Wantonly Here", "Yon Whaler Net", "No Whale Entry"
Victor Marte: "Crater Vomit", "Tit Cam Rover", (problem here, two options "Rev. Tit Cam" and "Mr. Tit Cave" both require the inclusion of "or")
Gil Meche: "Chile Gem" (not a lot of options)
Edgar Osuna: "A Dangerous", "Dog-Ear Anus", "A Go Asunder", "Aroused Nag", "A Gonad Ruse", "A Sand Rogue" (lots and lots of possibilities)
Carlos Rosa: "Orca or Lass?" --- not a lot of options
Joakim Soria: "As I Irk A Mojo" --- not a lot of options
Robinson Tejeda: "Rebooted Ninjas", "Banjo Desertion", "Debonair Jetson"
Blake Wood: "Walk Booed", "Weak Blood"
Jason Kendall: ?
Brayan Pena: "Banyan Rape", "Banana Prey", "A Nearby Nap"
Manuel Pina: "Up Mein Anal", "Lean-In Puma"
Mike Aviles: "Mike's Alive" ?
Jeff Bianchi: ?
Willie Bloomquist: "Mosquito-Bile Will", "Obliques Limit Low"
Billy Butler: "Liberty Bull", "Blue By Thrill"
Josh Fields: "Dis Elf Josh" (lame)
Kila Ka'aihue: ?
Brian Anderson: "Bad Inner Arson", "Iran Band Senor"
Jarrod Dyson: ?
Jose Guillen: "Genius Jello"
Jordan Parraz: ?
Roman Colon: is this one even necessary?