FanPost

The 25 Man Roster as Kitchen Tools

 Putting together a major league roster is like putting together a kitchen.  You need some of this, some of that.  There are things you need and things you want.  You’ve got a budget, and it’s easy to spend too much on disappointing performers.  How would the Royals current 25 man roster look at the Bed, Bath and Beyond of roster construction? 

 

 

  U-meascups-dry_medium

 Brian Bannister

Measuring cups – it’s all about the numbers, the tinkering, getting the right mix – but if you measure wrong, you won’t like the results.


China_apple_peeler_corer_slicer200881919582_medium

Bruce Chen

Apple peeler/corer/slicer – why do you even have this?

To-18s_stainles_steel_toaster_oven_812_medium

Kyle Davies

Toaster oven – you were with your parents when they bought one and it sure looked great.  They didn’t have much luck with it so they gave up on it and let you have it.  You haven’t had much luck with it either, but every now and then, you get a pretty great frozen pizza out of it, and you just can’t let it go, even if it catches fire about every fifth use.

Flame_medium

Kyle Farnsworth

Crème brulee blowtorch – in very limited applications, can be a useful tool, but at the end of the day, it’s still a freaking blowtorch.

Bush-fp026-food-processor_medium

Zack Greinke

High end food processor – it slices, it dices.  You want power?  It can pulverize food.  Want finesse?  It can slice and grate with care.  Loved by high brow foodies and traditional home cooks alike, this is the best appliance in your kitchen.

 Belgian-waffle-maker-waring_medium

Luke Hochevar

Waffle iron – maddeningly inconsistent, hard to live up to expectations.  Some times you get delicious Belgians, other times you just get smokey batter stuck to the iron – it’s boom or bust for breakfast!

 Scissorsbluehandle_medium

Dusty Hughes

Left-handed kitchen shears – well, they’re left handed, so there’s that.

 Broken_microwave_medium

Gil Meche
Broken Microwave – the once mighty stalwart of the kitchen that’s really seen better days, just hasn’t been the same since it was used for 132 straight minutes to cook a complete dinner.

 

 



 Potato_ricer_590_medium

 Josh Rupe

Potato Ricer – um, what?

 

 

 Pressure_20cooker_medium

Joakim Soria

Pressure cooker – works best in high pressure situations, will go long periods of time without use, and is occasionally used to just boil water to get it some work.

 

  Presto_deep_fryer_medium

 

Robinson Tejeda

Deep Fryer – powerful tool, can be a bit messy, disaster when not working properly.

 
Dlusso_20c0651_20ceramic_20ivory_20spoon_20rest_20favor_medium

Brad Thompson  

Ceramic Spoon rest – pretty much set up for failure, nasty stuff dumped on them, once they’re broken just throw them away like the last one.

 

Stainless-steel-knife-sharpener-df-ks06-_medium

Jason Kendall

Knife sharpener – relies on grit, not as useful as the newer models.

 02114a_medium

Brayan Pena

Fondue Pot – when was the last time you saw one of these in use?

 
Garlic_press_and_garlic_medium

Mike Aviles

Garlic press – what a great tool!  Once you got it, you couldn’t figure out how you ever cooked without it.  It broke and your cuisine suffered mightily.  But hey, you got a new one and things are looking up again!

 

Sieve_medium

 

Yuniesky Betancourt

A sieve – everything gets through.

 

Willie Bloomquist

Spork-sul-l_medium

 

Spork – needs no explanation – ‘does’ everything, does nothing well

 


3125446a-3b94-4c93-8ebc-3b2939d3f123_400_medium 

Billy Butler

 

Charcoal grill – lots of fun, pretty reliable, not as much power as some of the more expensive grills, but a solid performer.

 

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Alberto Callaspo

Butcher knife - very good at what it does, but please, don’t try to peel potatoes with it (or play it at second base).

  Lefse_potato_peeler214_medium

Chris Getz

 

Potato peeler – basically the opposite of the butcher knife – seems okay at what it does, but don’t try to chop meat with it – on balance probably less useful overall than the butcher knife.

 

Rice_cooker1232466910_medium 

Kila Ka'aihue

 

Free Rice Cooker – well, you got this as a gift, you didn’t even acquire it.  You’re still waiting to try it out.  I know, I know, everything says it’s better than what you have now but one of your friends saw one once and said it only had white rice heat, you don’t know if it could handle brown rice BUT YOU’LL NEVER KNOW UNLESS YOU GIVE IT A CHANCE.  RICE COOKER NOW!


 Chef-knife_medium

David DeJesus

Chef’s knife – good at everything, terrific at nothing.  Solid performer day in and day out.  You really rely on it, even if it never gets the notoriety of other pieces.

Juicer_ovm900c_003_medium 

Jose Guillen

 

Overpriced Juicer – seemed like a good idea at the time, you had that one smoothie that one time that was sort of good, so why not?  Your juice seemed good, but a closer look showed that it was actually sort of toxic, then one of the gears was broken and it just totally stopped working. 

Poly-cutting-board_medium 

Mitch Maier

 

Plastic Cutting Board – cheaper than the older, wooden models and provides comparable performance – less likely to rot.


Egg_-_mushroom_slicer_medium 

Scott Podsednik

 

Mushroom slicer - It only does one thing, and you’d be pretty surprised how poorly it actually does it. 

 

This FanPost was written by a member of the Royals Review community. It does not necessarily reflect the views of the editors and writers of this site.

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