If The Royals Were Poets
If the Royals were poets, who would they be?
Jason Kendall: Consistent, persistent, sheer quantity (and obsession with quantity) obscuring a brilliant beginning. A unique individual, an uncommon model. Career noted for a significant wound, for one, the tragedy of France, for the other, an ankle in Pittsburgh. Considered, too much so at times, a mentor of sorts, an inspiration for others. In the end, overpaid. William Wordsworth. Honorable mention: Alfred Lord Tennyson.
Scott Podsednik: Easily accessible. A one trick pony (harsh) or someone who did one thing well (nicer). Seems in a hurry. Overrated. Sylvia Plath. You could also talk me into, at the player's peak: Allen Ginsberg.
Billy Butler: An easy fellow to love. A man who invites warm sentiments and feelings of familiar pleasures. Never the best, but far from the worst. Not one to challenge us, yet also one who never disappoints. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. Or, to be slightly more pessimistic: Oliver Wendell Holmes.
Zack Greinke: Has received, for better or worse, considerable attention for their anxieties. An individual voice and a singular talent. Certainly, if we may say so, in a basic way, strange. Possessors of an ability to make us see everyday things in a new way. Emily Dickinson.
Kyle Davies: A son of the South. Not terribly good. Sidney Lanier. If he gets better: James Dickey.
Jose Guillen: "Temperamental" is the label fellows of this sort usually get, if we're being polite. Prone to the rant. One who lives in their own mental universe. Didn't age well. Ezra Pound. If you prefer, or demand, a less noxious crazy, perhaps William Blake.
Brian Bannister: Modern. Up to date. A primary source who works as if he's aware of the secondary sources to be written. Smart, but not better than passable. Allan Tate. Also works: John Wain or basically any poet from the 1960s on.
David DeJesus: Over-shadowed by more brilliant peers, almost unfairly so. One who would do a variety of styles well, none greatly. Consistent. Had odd way of generating critics. Deserving of greater acclaim. James Russell Lowell. If you wanted to stress the boring aspect: George Crabbe.
Joakim Soria: A talent found unexpectedly (or so the story goes). Romantically celebrated as a man from outside the metropole, a less developed place. Perhaps, in this way, pigeon-holed into a strict role, but also loved the more so for it. Robert Burns. Would also accept: John Greenleaf Whittier.
Willie Bloomquist: Attempted nearly every style, every meter. Was for a time, curiously renowned. It's too much to criticize them now, fight another battle if you really care. Not good enough even to be worth it. Will be forgotten anyway. James Gates Percival.
Rick Ankiel: He was once a man of the future. Somewhere it went wrong. There was a comeback and a new position, and some acclaim. A hard nut to crack. In the end, unreadable. Samuel Taylor Coleridge.
Yuniesky Betancourt: A litmus test. If someone tells you "oh, he's quite good" you know in an instant that you're listening to a fool. It doesn't even make sense... Or, perhaps they just really wants to establish how old-fashioned they are, how much they can see what you can't. John Dryden. Or, stressing more of the former and less of the latter, Gertrude Stein.
Brayan Pena: What is this here? Who was the mind behind these short verses? There is, or was, or might have been, something here. Perhaps. We'll never know. The Anonymous Author of Every Random Poem Someone Finds In The Archives.
Mike Aviles: Really, not much of a body of work, when you get down to it. However, what there is, might be considered to be just short of that upper level. Enough to make you wonder. Just don't over do it. Hart Crane.
Kyle Farnsworth: Memorable and in the end famous. A long career of short work. Not one to be used, with much success, in serious situations. Ogden Nash.
Alex Gordon: It always seems unique, but it is sadly typical. A bright beginning (or what was thought to be a beginning) and an early end. Was it his fault or just bad luck? Many end up in the wrong place at the wrong time. Planted, we might say, in infertile soil. For now, we must go with a real man of obscurity, though known in his day: Joseph Brown Ladd.
Dayton Moore: Devoted and faithful. A believer in old fashioned models. A protege of the elite who was put on display as a talent to be celebrated. Notably, and for some, annoyingly, religious. Ended, unfortunately, in obscurity (for one, of course, this is yet to come). Phillis Wheatley. Also works: Jones Very.
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I watched
the Cardinal vs Rockies game yesterday and with a runner on 1st, Olivo threw the ball past 2nd base on a ball four to the batter so the runner went to 3rd. Also, he let piches get by him. Jason Kendall is not fully appreciated by people on this blog, but I think he brings many intangibles to this team as well as leadership. He is the leader of this team right now showing these AAAA players how to play major league baseball. One last point, I wonder how many wild pitches we had last year comparted to this year at this point in the season.
clearly, his leadership is reflected in the improvement of the pitching staff
and the massive large increase in wins from ’09 to ’10
Hmm
Jason Kendall is not fully appreciated by people on this blog
I would say that everyone here “fully appreciates” a guy with a .285 wOBA and bad catcher skills. They just “fully appreciate” how god-awful he is. It’s also not like he’s very likable either.
Overgay is Destiny
did you ever consider this?
Who was the catcher of the AL Cy Young winner last year? Miguel Olivo. And how has said Cy Young winner fared this year with Kendall as his catcher? Not as good as last year.
Now, who is the odds on favorite for the NL Cy Young this year? Ubaldo Jimenez. And who is his main catcher? Miguel Olivo.
Say what you may, but it seems that not only in personal stats, but also in “the effect on teammates,” Olivo is far better than Jason Kendall.
Dear Alex Gordon:
I still think you will be awesome, but for the love of God, please stop getting hurt.
Sincerely,
RF
Where are in wins this
year at this time compared to last year.
by BlueBloodRoyal on Jul 9, 2010 5:31 PM EDT up reply actions
Or for that matter
how about wild piches ?
by BlueBloodRoyal on Jul 9, 2010 5:36 PM EDT up reply actions
First of all, I'm not going to even address wild pitches. I think you mean passed balls, but either way, I don't want to look them up.
I don’t think passed balls are really that big of a deal. But even if you do, you must also realize the value of throwing out runners, something which Olivo does much better than Kendall. And you talk about Olivo throwing the ball into centerfield yesterday, well, I was watching that game as well, and I think it was Clint Barmes who did a dismal job of getting in front of the ball. It bounced in front of the bag, on line. That is acceptable. Jason Kendall, on the other hand, has routinely thrown balls into centerfield this year. I believe he leads the Royals in errors?
And now to the wins. Currently, the Royals have 3 more wins then they had last year. Meanwhile, the pitching has gotten worse. Therefore, the wins are attributed to the offense, and a month or so of good bullpen work. Jason Kendall is certainly not a big part of this offensive attack. The thing we were best at last year, starting pitching, has gotten worse, and this is the area where Jason Kendall’s intangibles should have the most effect.
The Rockies are also 3 wins ahead of where they were last year at this time. And this is true even though they really haven’t hit well, this weeks Cards series aside. Their improvement is based on starting pitching, and Olivo is the main guy handling this staff. Also, along with Carlos Gonzalez, he’s really been one of the only consistent hitters on the team.
I shouldn’t need to make this argument, because anyone can see that Miguel Olivo is clearly better than Jason Kendall.
Dear Alex Gordon:
I still think you will be awesome, but for the love of God, please stop getting hurt.
Sincerely,
RF
They Both Blow
Just in different ways.
I used to be an A's fan until they left town and got good.
by philofthenorth on Jul 9, 2010 10:57 PM EDT up reply actions
You have to give Kendall some credit for that
but Podsednik has to get at least half of it
I'm not a sabermetrician, but I do play one at FanGraphs and Beyond the Box Score.
Can't get enough of me? Check out my Twitter feed.
by Matt Klaassen on Jul 9, 2010 6:10 PM EDT up reply actions
Let's do the math
If Podsednik is responsible for 3 wins, and Kendall is responsible for -1… (3+(-1))/2 =2, so Pods is in fact responsible for half of it.
I think there’s something to this “math” stuff after all!
I am now channeling Will McDonald's optimism.
This is the commenting equivalent of yelling
‘Play some Skynyrd!’ during an opera.
Free Bird, Dude!
I used to be an A's fan until they left town and got good.
by philofthenorth on Jul 9, 2010 11:05 PM EDT up reply actions
Reminds me of this song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLoNE-QxRH8
Glad I came, just wish I hadn't stayed so long.
People ask me what I do in winter when there’s no baseball...Rock Chalk Talk
Thank you, sir.
The only posts from a baseball site my wife let’s me read to her are your poetry posts. She enjoyed this greatly, even with her limited knowledge of the baseball side of things.
Byron for Keats and a poet to be named later
at the trading deadline in 1818? Keats, that is, coming off the disappointment of Endymion but with promise?
Sure, it’s easy to say now that you’d be nuts not to make that trade, but in July 1818, it would have been a daring move to make. You would have been the genius of your poet fantasy league.
by 2X2L on Jul 9, 2010 9:14 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
(So many awesome jokes)
I'm not a sabermetrician, but I do play one at FanGraphs and Beyond the Box Score.
Can't get enough of me? Check out my Twitter feed.
by Matt Klaassen on Jul 9, 2010 9:57 AM EDT up reply actions
Ogden Nash is better than Farnsy
If Billy really starts to phone it in, he’ll be James Whitcomb Riley. You’ve nailed Guillén with Ezra Pound, who was a raving maniac whose poetry makes no goddamn sense whatsoever. Yuni, based on his utter incompetence, should be William McGonagle. Whittier was boring and often obvious, which Soria is not. T.S. Eliot would be, perhaps, Albert Pujols, too good for anyone on the Royals. Shakespeare’s sonnets would be Ruthian.
I would not take Byron for Keats. You’d have to throw in Mary Shelley, at least.
"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey" - Unfortunate cricket commentator
sure, nobody would take Byron now
but Childe Harold had been a success, with Don Juan yet to come. In the day, I think that trade would have been received about as well as Williams and Hubbard for Kent, Tavarez, Vizcaino, and Roa was in San Francisco. Could you really have predicted at the time of the trade what Kent would become? Keats? I still say you’d have had to be the Cedric Tallis of your day to pull that off. Or just insanely lucky, like Sabean, who thought Tavarez was the hidden gem.
Beat me to it
"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey" - Unfortunate cricket commentator
Allan Ginsberg is the freaking man.
Don't Fuccop Succop
by chicks_love_chiefs on Jul 9, 2010 9:30 AM EDT reply actions
Don't like him
Overrated. Just went through the motions a lot. Overprolific. Not as cool as Bob Dylan, who makes more sense than any Beat poet.
"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey" - Unfortunate cricket commentator
but a lot of fossils from the 1960s love him
your argument is refuted
I'm not a sabermetrician, but I do play one at FanGraphs and Beyond the Box Score.
Can't get enough of me? Check out my Twitter feed.
by Matt Klaassen on Jul 9, 2010 9:58 AM EDT up reply actions
I have a soft spot for any counter culture legend.
But you are right….Bob Dylan tops them all.
Don't Fuccop Succop
by chicks_love_chiefs on Jul 9, 2010 10:04 AM EDT up reply actions
I would have loved to smoke a joint with these two.
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Don't Fuccop Succop
by chicks_love_chiefs on Jul 9, 2010 10:07 AM EDT up reply actions
I'll admit some of this is over my head
loved it anyway
Somehow, seems like DDJ should be Shel Silverstein, “ya know?”
I'm not a sabermetrician, but I do play one at FanGraphs and Beyond the Box Score.
Can't get enough of me? Check out my Twitter feed.
Also
does this mean you can sing every Greinke start to the theme song from Gilligan’s Island?
I'm not a sabermetrician, but I do play one at FanGraphs and Beyond the Box Score.
Can't get enough of me? Check out my Twitter feed.
To be ridiculous,
I propose John Milton for Trey Hillman.
Both claimed secret, divine knowledge inaccessible to the rabble—one justified the ways of God to man; the other failed to justify the first-inning bunt to anyone.
Neither very well liked by his underlings. Milton’s daughters often despised him; Trey’s players were often unsure who he was.
Both apparently fail to educate due to thorny syntax and obscure language.
One literally blind; the other, well . . .
Just a few thoughts.
by RoyalCreole on Jul 9, 2010 10:30 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Does that make GMDM Dante?
by Official Arrowhead Pride Parade on Jul 9, 2010 11:25 AM EDT up reply actions
This was a great read
I gotta disagree about Ginsberg, though. My students go crazy for him and he’s always the poet (along with James Wright) that they can quote at the end of the year. So, Bo Jackson for all the memorable stuff he did?
Bo would be Thomas Chatterton
Never got a chance to show really what he could do, but had a brilliant beginning to his career that foreshadowed much greater things to come.
"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey" - Unfortunate cricket commentator
The real question is
who will be our Louis Zukofsky?
by Yunielateral Movement on Jul 9, 2010 10:49 AM EDT reply actions
Kendall could be Dylan Thomas
While Dylan rages against the dying of the light, Kendall does the same by refusing to retire (or take a day off, for that matter)
"We're gonna win with pitching and defense" General Manager Dayton Moore, circa winter 2009
"Where did all these Indians come from?" General George Armstrong Custer, circa summer 1876
Wilson Betamit: e.e. cummings
doesn’t make sense yet it does (maybe this out of his league)
by Official Arrowhead Pride Parade on Jul 9, 2010 11:27 AM EDT reply actions
I would put Gordon down as cummings
Never lived up to the promise, but underrated because of said promise.
by Yunielateral Movement on Jul 9, 2010 11:30 AM EDT up reply actions
did Wordsworth really have that good of pen control?
"Things could always be worse." - Buddy Bell
by buddyball on Jul 9, 2010 11:28 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Excellent...
though I have a couple of quibbles..first, I’m not a fan of Emily Dickinson, thus I cringe with her comparison to Greinke. I think a better fit would be someone like Caedmon (who is featured in Bede’s Ecclesiastical History), an illiterate shepherd who happened to have a gift for hymns and poetry (though, unfortunately, also has a Christian worship-y band named after him). I guess Dickinson and Caedmon are different kinds of savants…I prefer the one who, if things turned out differently (no baseball/poetry career) might be in the meadows (professional golf career), to the one locked in her room.
I’d say Moore is less like Wheatly than like a person who “discovers” or “translates” ancient poems but really is writing his/her own stuff. James Macpherson or Edward Fitzgerald would be good comparisons here. Each found (or claimed to find, in Macpherson’s case), older poems in a strange language and translated them, trying to find the lost secrets of long ago (the Braves way) but really only highlighted their own versions of the past and showed much more about their own eras and personalities than the truth (the Process).
by mikewormdog on Jul 9, 2010 11:44 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
those are both solid points
I was thinking of some older poets to try to include…
personally, I am not a big fan of Dickinson… Caedmon def could work
Having just received my illustrious diploma in English from Mizzou
This post really warms my heart. However I would argue it needs more British WWI poetry. Gordon, for example, could be Wilfred Owen—both of them great young talents who were not able to reach their full potential, one held back by the tragedy of an anonymous death in trench warfare, the other beset by injury and misfortune. Owen’s most famous poems read as scathing indictments of the futility of war and the actions of his superiors, where as Gordon is a living testament to the futility of impressing his willfully ignorant general manager.
“Anthem for Doomed Youth” indeed.
by Soria's Unibrow on Jul 9, 2010 11:59 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
could also work for Kila...
the problem I sorta had was that we really only know/remember the really great poets, and the royals don’t have too many even good players
Owen was definietly in my head, although I always stupidly confuse him with Randall Jarell because of that “Death of the Ball Turret Gunner” or whatever it is
I am so weary
of your unremitting campaign to besmirch the fair names of John Dryden, James Gates Percival, and Phillis Wheatley.
This is all well and good but....
who would bat ninth?
(awesome post Will)
Given enough velocity even a pig will fly
by MarioVanPeebles Republic of China on Jul 9, 2010 12:55 PM EDT reply actions
outstanding post!
Your erudition is only surpassed by your sense of restraint, to wit:
1. There is no mention that Ankiel may well be the Albatross around the Royals’ neck in a week or two,
2. You rightly did not mention our country’s greatest poet/poetry: Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysberg Address.
"Shot by my own men."
The Most Elegant
Prose poem ever.
I used to be an A's fan until they left town and got good.
by philofthenorth on Jul 9, 2010 1:42 PM EDT up reply actions
not to mention that it literally changed the world...
"Shot by my own men."
18-11!
I'm not a sabermetrician, but I do play one at FanGraphs and Beyond the Box Score.
Can't get enough of me? Check out my Twitter feed.
by Matt Klaassen on Jul 9, 2010 2:15 PM EDT up reply actions
The most elegant numerical poem ever
I used to be an A's fan until they left town and got good.
by philofthenorth on Jul 9, 2010 3:08 PM EDT up reply actions
Lincoln's straight-to-the-point, elegant style
changed the previously clunky American non-fiction, persuasive-essay, journalistic, and oratorical styles forever. Before, all these Edward Everett Hale types would go on for hours about nothing, or about obvious arguments, using entire thesauruses. Hale had jabbered on for two hours at Gettysburg before Lincoln came on and said in two minutes what the whole point was.
"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey" - Unfortunate cricket commentator
And how could we not have a place for Rudyard Kipling, btw?
Something about “and never breathe a word about [the Royals’] loss?”
"Shot by my own men."
Right before I went back to grad school
I had a dream that my advisor forced me to do a Master’s thesis on John Dryden, which is bizarre, because a) I’m not an Enligh/Comp lit person, and b) I don’t know anything about John Dryden.
I'm not a sabermetrician, but I do play one at FanGraphs and Beyond the Box Score.
Can't get enough of me? Check out my Twitter feed.
it was a bizarre dream
I had moved here I talked to my advisor… honestly, I couldn’t even remember who John Dryden was, I may never have read of his poetry. I think the dream was that I had to write a paper on him for a class (???), and my advisor liked it so much he went ahead and got it approved as my master’s thesis. He was all “great, your master’s is done,” and I was like “yeah, but who gives a crap about John Dryden?”
Isn’t is thrilling to hear about other people’s dreams?
I'm not a sabermetrician, but I do play one at FanGraphs and Beyond the Box Score.
Can't get enough of me? Check out my Twitter feed.
by Matt Klaassen on Jul 9, 2010 2:40 PM EDT up reply actions
Their Pets And
Really cute things their kids did/said fall into the same category.
I used to be an A's fan until they left town and got good.
by philofthenorth on Jul 9, 2010 3:11 PM EDT up reply actions
how about my golf game too?
I, for one, find it fascinating.
"Shot by my own men."
One more thing
Does Scott Podsednik actually do any one thing well? I’m asking in all seriousness.
I'm not a sabermetrician, but I do play one at FanGraphs and Beyond the Box Score.
Can't get enough of me? Check out my Twitter feed.
he is excellent at being Scott Podsednik
Nothing more, and nothing less.
"Shot by my own men."
He Married Well
I used to be an A's fan until they left town and got good.
by philofthenorth on Jul 9, 2010 1:43 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single ballplayer in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”
by Soria's Unibrow on Jul 9, 2010 2:29 PM EDT up reply actions 3 recs
okay, now that was strong
Great Expectations?
I am going from memory here…
"Shot by my own men."
The Guillen-Pound one was nice.
In college, I was walking through the library one day and thought I’d take a look at an Ezra Pound collection. Needless to say, I didn’t get very far.
She thinks she missed the train to Mars; she's out back counting stars.
Bring Bring Straight things like horses on fire, or something to the effect.....
what about the surly drunken poet of the blue collar intelligentsia, Charles Bukowski……he’s Guillen: repugnant, overrated, and small grains of truth to be delved if you can get past the bluster
by Nighthawk at the Diner on Jul 9, 2010 1:57 PM EDT up reply actions
Thanks; I Was
Trying to remember his name. Some people I have known think he’s god, but he’s just repulsive and ugly.
I used to be an A's fan until they left town and got good.
by philofthenorth on Jul 9, 2010 3:14 PM EDT up reply actions
I've seen a documentary on him....
and it was kind of tough to stomach. I do like his blue collar anti social angles in small doses, and he wrote some stuff before he died that has some insight. But I know the type you speak of, those who think Bukowski represents something. I’m thinking mainly of record store clerks.
by Nighthawk at the Diner on Jul 9, 2010 4:53 PM EDT up reply actions
Bukowski Rocks
you have to see the glass half empty to appreciate him and the cynicism and there is no better voice for fat whores-On our rotoleague website we actually post a monthly Bukowski poem – my team name is Pull a String (a puppet moves)
Peter Weir doesn't approve
of you stat nerds rating poetry

BANGARANG!!!
oops, wrong Robin Williams movie.
Given enough velocity even a pig will fly
by MarioVanPeebles Republic of China on Jul 9, 2010 3:32 PM EDT up reply actions
Not Knowing Jack
About a subject, particularly poetry, does not mean you’re stupid.
I used to be an A's fan until they left town and got good.
by philofthenorth on Jul 9, 2010 3:16 PM EDT up reply actions
Thank you
It’s not that I don’t appreciate it. Just went to an engineering school. Poetry 101 wasn’t an option, unless I was one of the few English majors, I suppose.
HS Grad Here
So I never had to read much poetry, either. I’m more into Smokey Robinson.
I used to be an A's fan until they left town and got good.
by philofthenorth on Jul 10, 2010 12:15 AM EDT up reply actions
im no poet
but your team is the hottest 4th place team in all of baseball right now…my sox were there just 5 weeks back. i just want to say keep the hope alive, they may get up to second!?!
good luck to you guys, i wish you well after this series. dont expect a repeat of what happened last week
Just taking a couple minutes to act like a retard.
Thank you, thank you, SSS. Thank you for accepting people who act like retards, if not actual retards. by Mitch. on Jun 24, 2010 1:16 PM CDT
by Grinder Rule #42 on Jul 9, 2010 2:37 PM EDT reply actions
To Roads Diverged
One was Frank, the other was Jeter.
I used to be an A's fan until they left town and got good.
by philofthenorth on Jul 9, 2010 11:02 PM EDT up reply actions
T. S. Eliot?
Yeah, he’s great, no doubt, but there’s just something creepy about him that even his staunchest admirers can’t deny….
Hmmm….

I'm not a sabermetrician, but I do play one at FanGraphs and Beyond the Box Score.
Can't get enough of me? Check out my Twitter feed.
He Sings The
Body electric, alright.
I used to be an A's fan until they left town and got good.
by philofthenorth on Jul 9, 2010 11:03 PM EDT up reply actions
missed lerew as bukowski and chen as hoagland
champion of the working class, sufficiently lewd and decidedly cryptic
understated, brimming with unusual perspective and the perfect amount of humor
by Professor Stephanie Willbanks on Jul 9, 2010 6:58 PM EDT reply actions
Not appreciating
the knock on Sidney Lanier. But I’m pretty sure that’s just me. But seriously, you couldn’t find a more no-account hack Southern poet to dump on?
But then, if I went through and equated the Royals to various composers/musicians, I’m sure much ire and discord would result.
The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them. -- Albert Einstein
by The Ol' Perfesser on Jul 9, 2010 8:55 PM EDT reply actions
definitely there are better options
but I couldn’t think of any ;)
obvious problem though: no one knows the bad poets
One last though
Lanier, in addition to his poetry, was also the premier flutist of his time in this country. I have full confidence that Davies has no such secondary skill.
The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them. -- Albert Einstein
by The Ol' Perfesser on Jul 12, 2010 4:47 PM EDT up reply actions
Davies can build a McDonalds
That’s what he and his dad do in the off-season. Pretty complex skill, actually, since you have to read the blueprints and do the water and electricity right and know how to pour concrete and about forty other things.
"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey" - Unfortunate cricket commentator
Well done sir
for a blog especially this piece was intelligent, witty and appropriate, we are all better for it
Trey Hillman request please- perhaps a Japanese poet who translated to nonsense in English


















