27 November, 2011
10:58pm - Sunday
Dear Mr. Claus,
I know you haven't heard from me for a while, but I thought I might try to reopen the lines of communication. I'd like thank you for the often perfectly acceptable gifts over the years. You must admit, though, that given such detailed (yet plain and straightforward) instructions, you were bound to overlook and/or misinterpret certain vital details.
So, I'd like to propose that, by simply granting me (a reasonably satisfied customer) one last yuletide gift, you, Mr. Claus, will be graciously forgiven all your past shortcomings and areas of consistently lackluster performance. This very reasonable gift would consist of the following four items:1) The Kansas City Royals immediately sign Carlos Beltran, CF, to a 4-year $70 million contract with a club option.
2) The Kansas City Royals are part of a three way trade of Wil Myers, LF to the Rangers for CJ Wilson, SP, and of Lorenzo Cain, CF, to the Marlins for Mike Stanton, RF. Third part of the trade is Lorenzo Cain, CF, to Rangers for Wil Myers, LF, to Marlins.
4) A little expediency from your end for once.
Oh yes, and--Happy holidays.