Catching Up With the 1994 Royals: Part 14 - Billy Brewer

by Freneau on Dec 4, 2011 10:08 PM EST in Honoring & Remembering Former Kansas City Royals

The following is a guest post by Clam Simmons, a librarian living in New England. Clam is not my pen name or persona. Clam is on twitter @orangehunchback. He recently contacted me about writing a series of pieces about the 1994 Royals. These are their stories.

Catching Up with the 1994 Royals - Part 14: Billy Brewer

Last week during "Thanksgiving" I roller bladed to Duluth, Minnesota. My ex-girlfriend Debra thought it was crazy. She didn't know that Rico Rossy had told me that former Royals Legend Billy Brewer was selling his above ground pool business in Duluth (Billy B's World of Water). I called Brewer when I got into town on Black Friday. He said to meet at the Target snack bar because he needed to buy some stocking stuffers.We spent twenty minutes hovering around a pair of prepackaged garden salads.

Did the economy drain the water out of the pool business?

No.

The pool business is good?

Yes. Minnesota people love having two pools: one for polar bear swimming in the winter, the other they use as a holding tank for mosquito repellant.

Two pools in one backyard?

Yes.

Where do people swim?

Lake Superior.

Wow. Why would you sell such a lucrative business?

I'm moving to Dubai.

Why are you moving to Dubai?

I'm moving to Dubai with my girlfriend Suzanne Somers.

How long have you been bewitched by Ms. Somers?

That's private. Don't ask me questions like that ever again. If you do, I'll throw my salad at your face.

May I ask what draws you to Dubai?

Yes.

Okay. What draws you to Dubai?

I'm taking all my pool money and all my life savings and we're going to pay for one month's rent on the 139^th floor of the Burj Khalifa. In that one month Suzie is going to offer free jazzercise education classes. If we can get a single trillionaire to sign a one -year membership we will be able to stay. Who knows? Maybe in a couple years I can start selling pools there.

Do trillionaires exist?

Dubai is bedazzled with trillionaires desperate to unload sacks full of cash.

What if you can't keep the jazzercise studio open?

Again, that is too personal of a question for me. So I will not literally answer your question, but I will say that I may or may not be interested in joining the management team of Springfield, Missouri's Bass Pro Shop International and Ms. Sommers may or may not be interested in joining the Baldknobbers Jamboree Troupe of Branson, Missouri.

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For a few years

A friend of mine and I gave away a yearly “Billy Brewer Award” for the relief pitcher most likely to pour gasoline on any situation. It was named in honor of Billy, who won the inaugural 1995 award. We decided to give up the award after the historically bad 1999 bullpen, as there were too many worthy recipients and we could not separate the suck.

"Trying is the first step to sucking" -Jimmy Chance

by KHAZAD on Dec 5, 2011 7:15 AM EST reply actions

Who won in 1996?

Were honorees given gas cans or Oil Can Boyd memorabilia?

by ClamSimmons on Dec 5, 2011 9:33 AM EST up reply actions

Pichardo

In a close race. He was given the edge over the likes of Valera, Magnante, Jacome, etc. because he was used more in the late innings and it seemed at the time as though every runner on base when he came in scored. (though BR says it was only 39%) Valera was probably leading at the end of July, but then he was mercifully gone. (I can’t remember whether it was an injury or they released him)

"Trying is the first step to sucking" -Jimmy Chance

by KHAZAD on Dec 5, 2011 12:47 PM EST up reply actions