A Modest Proposal: No More Kendall Talk

by StonewallPDS on Mar 24, 2011 7:09 PM EDT

This year, a year we call 2011, and a year that the Mayans might have called "Run For Fuckin' Cover!!", I plan to abstain from Jason Kendall, and I think everybody else should too.

There is nothing new to say about Jason Kendall. There are no novel complaints left about his skeels. All the grit jokes are so worn they couldn't be used to sand a spanked baby's ass. There is no new annoyance in his game that hasn't been covered, here and elsewhere. My modest proposal is that we no longer discuss Jason Kendall. Let him be the Ellsworth Toohey to our Howard Roark: we won't even think of him.

Jason will be with us the rest of the year, my friends, this much is true. He is like a rash on that part of your body you can't scratch, because your gut hangs over your belt and you are out of breath by the time you try to reach it. In other words, he will be here until he is gone. But that doesn't mean Kendall must occupy every third comment on every other thread, and I can confidently predict there is no useful Fanpost or Fanshot worthy of Jason Kendall--except this one, of course. In short, let's give him the Fredo treatment, prior to the rowboat and firearms.

Won't you join me in this journey of self-discovery, this act of civilly disobedient anti-suckitude? This will require some self discipline for all of us, but, just like the showing of a bluff after the bet is won, I believe this will be "good for the game."

Please sign up below. You'll be proud you did.

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Comments

More or less agree...

But I can’t sign in blood, because you never know when there’ll be another turn to the Kendall story

by Freneau on Mar 23, 2011 4:03 PM EDT reply actions

Can we refer to him as

“He who shall not be named”?

"We're gonna win with pitching and defense" General Manager Dayton Moore, circa winter 2009

"Where did all these Indians come from?" General George Armstrong Custer, circa summer 1876

by loyal2sdad on Mar 23, 2011 4:20 PM EDT reply actions

HWSNBN for short

Your 2010 Royals Review Fantasy Football Keeper League Champion
Opening Day is March 31st!!!

by averagegatsby on Mar 23, 2011 8:36 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs

If you say his name three times in the dark in the bathroom

He will appear and weakly ground out.

Relive Royals History at royalsretro.blogspot.com

by RoyalsRetro on Mar 24, 2011 11:53 AM EDT up reply actions 7 recs

So would it be ok to write something like this?

That HWMNBN, he can some kind of bring the suckitude?

"Things could always be worse." - Buddy Bell

by buddyball on Mar 25, 2011 2:08 PM EDT up reply actions

im down

Fire Everyone

by billybeingbilly on Mar 23, 2011 4:31 PM EDT reply actions

Who?

by kcbottom9th on Mar 23, 2011 4:33 PM EDT reply actions

Wait a minute...

You weren’t trying to suggest we should eat him?

Chaim Mattis Keller New York City's # 1 Royals fan!

by cmkeller on Mar 23, 2011 4:38 PM EDT reply actions

No, Just His

Children.

I used to be an A's fan until they left town and got good.

by philofthenorth on Mar 23, 2011 10:49 PM EDT up reply actions

I'd love to sign up for this

but the season is long and the mind is weak. i will more or less rage hard about a plate appearance he has or the fact that he plays 59 games in a row. I want to be on board with this but i must respectfully decline

Do these effectively hide my thunder?

by splitty on Mar 23, 2011 4:48 PM EDT reply actions

yeah

I think I’m with you on this. I just don’t think I could do this for a whole season.

Maybe we should have a seperate “Bitch about ‘He who shall not be named’” thread. That way we can vent, and the people who don’t want to read it can avoid that thread.

Tension is the enemy. - Charlie Lau

by aHorseWithNoName on Mar 23, 2011 7:51 PM EDT up reply actions

I think I could abide by a gag order

So long as it is voided upon his 30th game in a row without a day off.

Relive Royals History at royalsretro.blogspot.com

by RoyalsRetro on Mar 24, 2011 11:54 AM EDT up reply actions 2 recs

I find this proposed modification

entirely acceptable.

"Shot by my own men."

by StonewallPDS on Mar 24, 2011 12:11 PM EDT up reply actions

absolutely

Fire Everyone

by billybeingbilly on Mar 25, 2011 12:55 AM EDT up reply actions

Yes!

Turning Kool-Aid to Jesus Juice since 2009.

by Discodave on Mar 23, 2011 4:49 PM EDT reply actions

His name has already been erased from my mind.

by AxDxMx on Mar 23, 2011 6:25 PM EDT reply actions

I've got an

Indecent ~~Modest~~ Proposal. He can sleep with my significant other for one night, but then he has to ~~pay me a million dollars~~ leave the Royals forever.

The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

by SagehenMacGyver47 on Mar 23, 2011 6:57 PM EDT reply actions

You sure your S.O. would agree to that?

Maybe you and HWSNBN could pull a Face/Off?

by AxDxMx on Mar 24, 2011 12:02 PM EDT up reply actions

Yeah, joke's on her - Kendall is no Robert Redford

The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

by SagehenMacGyver47 on Mar 24, 2011 1:32 PM EDT up reply actions

butu what if he gives us another "rewind yourself"

by Freneau on Mar 24, 2011 1:14 AM EDT reply actions

okay, one more exception is granted

"Shot by my own men."

by StonewallPDS on Mar 24, 2011 12:11 PM EDT up reply actions

I'd agree to no gratituous Kendall posting

But he’s going to play and therefore make news, and it’s going to be hard to ignore him throughout the season.

"America is a nation without a distinct criminal class, with the possible exception of Congress." --Mark Twain

by Juancho on Mar 24, 2011 2:32 AM EDT reply actions

how dare you, sir

Making watching baseball as fun as doing your taxes.
My Twitter feed.

by Matt Klaassen on Mar 24, 2011 2:35 AM EDT reply actions

"Hey, maybe he really does like everyone. But if you like everyone, do you actually like anyone?" - big matt

by Crooow on Mar 26, 2011 11:28 PM EDT up reply actions

supposedly, that’s his bone sticking out of his ankle.

"Hey, maybe he really does like everyone. But if you like everyone, do you actually like anyone?" - big matt

by Crooow on Mar 26, 2011 11:28 PM EDT up reply actions

If that's true..

Wouldn’t there be blood everywhere?

by kcgiant06 on Mar 27, 2011 11:53 PM EDT up reply actions

his bones are so gritty that they instantly cauterize the skin if they come through

Sign a new CBA NOW, you greedy bastards.

by kabrink on Mar 28, 2011 11:45 PM EDT up reply actions

This too

I fully support the ban, as long as it includes veiled Rewind Yourself references.

by TampaRoyal on Apr 1, 2011 10:10 AM EDT up reply actions

I will attempt to partake but...

I know that I’m weak, and he’s a dumbass and that sooner or later I’ll succumb to him being the biggest asshole pile of suck that we have to endure. Having said that, I’ll try.

I'm waiting for my wave of talent to arrive.

by mitchfreakingmaier! on Mar 24, 2011 9:59 AM EDT reply actions

Sir, this is all any man can do

Try, that is.

"Shot by my own men."

by StonewallPDS on Mar 24, 2011 12:12 PM EDT up reply actions

Yes. Perfectly sums up my position as well.

by Gross(est) on Mar 24, 2011 12:59 PM EDT up reply actions

my anger will get the best of me on this, so I'm going to pass on this call to inaction

Todd Haley's kids know more swear words than I do.

by kcisbetterthanstlateverything on Mar 24, 2011 2:31 PM EDT reply actions

Can I still post this though?

Your 2010 Royals Review Fantasy Football Keeper League Champion
Opening Day is March 31st!!!

by averagegatsby on Mar 24, 2011 5:53 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs

Well done sir!

I'm waiting for my wave of talent to arrive.

by mitchfreakingmaier! on Mar 24, 2011 5:54 PM EDT up reply actions

I don’t get it. Is that superimposed over JFK’s pic or something?

"Hey, maybe he really does like everyone. But if you like everyone, do you actually like anyone?" - big matt

by Crooow on Mar 26, 2011 11:30 PM EDT up reply actions

Jason Fuckin' Kendall!!!

by Gross(est) on Mar 27, 2011 11:27 PM EDT up reply actions

I will abstain

until the first game he bats in the #2 hole.

"Trying is the first step to sucking" -Jimmy Chance

by KHAZAD on Mar 24, 2011 7:35 PM EDT reply actions

First, they said I couldn't talk about Betancourt...

…and I said nothing. Then they said I couldn’t talk about Francouer and I said nothing. Then they said I couldn’t talk about Kendall and I said nothing. When they said don’t about setupunchtag, I rose my voice to complain there was nobody left to talk to…or something like that. Anyway, if anyone asks me to board a train I’m coming at you with a %$&*@ knife.

If women only slept with nice guys...guys would only be nice. And they don't. And we're not.

by setupunchtag on Mar 25, 2011 11:50 AM EDT reply actions 5 recs

well played sir,

Obscure references of this kind are to be encouraged.

"Shot by my own men."

by StonewallPDS on Mar 25, 2011 2:28 PM EDT up reply actions

I kinda figured that out...

…with the Elsworth Toohey reference. And as for Kendall, I think a critical mass of consensus of his suckitude has been reached among the posters, and to go on about it borders on the nearly-literal beating of a dead horse.

If women only slept with nice guys...guys would only be nice. And they don't. And we're not.

by setupunchtag on Mar 25, 2011 9:14 PM EDT up reply actions

Martin Niemoller, obscure?

"America is a nation without a distinct criminal class, with the possible exception of Congress." --Mark Twain

by Juancho on Mar 26, 2011 11:51 AM EDT up reply actions

If only Any Rand was more obscure

BTW, Jesus, Kendall sucks. I can so no logical explanation for the huge number of PAs that he receives.

by Nighthawk at the Diner on Mar 27, 2011 10:21 AM EDT up reply actions

Nighthawk:

I assume you will not be standing in line for tickets to the Atlas Shrugged movie set to open on April 15?

"Shot by my own men."

by StonewallPDS on Mar 27, 2011 11:32 AM EDT up reply actions

correct, I'll be getting materials ready for my daughters socialist summer camp

we’re going to memorize the anemic amount of Fed taxes paid by Fortune 500 companies, and sing songs about income inequality. And probably mix in some fishing and kickball.

by Nighthawk at the Diner on Mar 27, 2011 8:54 PM EDT up reply actions

I already have GE's 2010 tax bill memorized.

$0! How about that horsesh*t? If you paid even $1 in income tax for 2010, you paid more than GE!

The system is broken, and if something isn’t done soon, we’re all done for.

by AxDxMx on Mar 28, 2011 12:18 AM EDT up reply actions

If you're self-employed...

…and making between $53,000-$106,000, you will pay more in Social Security taxes this year than Zack Greinke, for example (in fact, if you made $106,000, self-employed, your SS tax bill will be roughly double Greinke’s). Not percentage-wise. Period. Guy making $13,000,000 a year pays less in Social Securtiy (around $7,200) than a guy making $55,000 (around $7400), working for himself. So, yeah, the system is quite broken.

If women only slept with nice guys...guys would only be nice. And they don't. And we're not.

by setupunchtag on Mar 28, 2011 11:39 AM EDT up reply actions

The self employment thing is different.

The employer pays half of their employees’ Social Security and Medicare. If you employ yourself, you are responsible for paying both halves. While it may suck that you have to pay both halves, I don’t necessarily think that it is unfair. And besides, there are things you can do to reduce your tax bill legally. If you turn your business into a corporation, you’ll only owe the SS and Medicare on your wages instead of all your income from the business.

by AxDxMx on Mar 28, 2011 4:50 PM EDT up reply actions

You are obviously not SE.

…or you would most certainly ‘think it is unfair’. How much of your employer’s contribution are you paying out of pocket, btw? I guess I could incorporate, and not pay taxes at all, like 50% of US corporations. There’s that.

If women only slept with nice guys...guys would only be nice. And they don't. And we're not.

by setupunchtag on Mar 29, 2011 10:11 AM EDT up reply actions

Actually, I am self employed.

I am an LLC, S Corporation, 1 employee business. As a business owner, I have to pay 1/2 of my employee’s (Me) SS and Medicare tax from business money. I pay the other half on my W-2. The rest of the business profit passes through to my individual income tax return. What’s not fair about it? If you employ yourself you have to pay both ends, that’s just the way it is set up. Do I like it? Not really, but it’s hardly worth complaining about.

If you want something to complain about, complain about the fact that the cap on SS is at 106,000 in wages. If they would double the cap while keeping benefits level, that would go a long way towards making SS solvent.

by AxDxMx on Mar 29, 2011 11:50 AM EDT up reply actions

this is ridiculous, it is true

throw some lavish corporate subsidies on top, and it’s criminal

"Shot by my own men."

by StonewallPDS on Mar 28, 2011 10:00 AM EDT up reply actions

Horseshit is spot on....I think the fact that many uber wealthy corps, including the ones who rec'd generous

subsidies under “too big to fail”, who pay little or no Fed taxes, would be an issue of outrage for both sides of the aisle. Oddly, Gov workers seem to get more ire than GE or Goldman Sachs.

by Nighthawk at the Diner on Mar 28, 2011 11:03 AM EDT up reply actions

So there's no virtue in selfishness?

I saw the top 10 tax bums, too. Disgusting. Plutocracy, anyone?

If women only slept with nice guys...guys would only be nice. And they don't. And we're not.

by setupunchtag on Mar 28, 2011 11:15 AM EDT up reply actions

the plutocracy process has worked like a fucking charm over the past 30 years....

lets hope GMDM has taken notes…..a Supreme Court decision allowing more money from Corporations towards salary, free agency, and draft picks would be helpful

by Nighthawk at the Diner on Mar 28, 2011 2:30 PM EDT up reply actions

FAB!

…(Ef)ffin’ A Bubba

If women only slept with nice guys...guys would only be nice. And they don't. And we're not.

by setupunchtag on Mar 29, 2011 10:12 AM EDT up reply actions

Juancho: I hope you are tongue in cheek

I came across this quote about a year ago, reading a wonderful biography of Deitrich Bonhoffer. Not exactly mainstream stuff, that. Your sojourn in Spain has spoiled you…

"Shot by my own men."

by StonewallPDS on Mar 27, 2011 11:37 AM EDT up reply actions

Oops, wrong German

"America is a nation without a distinct criminal class, with the possible exception of Congress." --Mark Twain

by Juancho on Mar 27, 2011 12:57 PM EDT up reply actions

Wait a minute

I looked it up and it was Niemoller who said the “First they came…and I said nothing” quote.

"America is a nation without a distinct criminal class, with the possible exception of Congress." --Mark Twain

by Juancho on Mar 27, 2011 1:01 PM EDT up reply actions

the quote was from Niemoller

I read about it in the context of Bonhoffer. You were right all along.

"Shot by my own men."

by StonewallPDS on Mar 27, 2011 3:03 PM EDT up reply actions

coincidentally

Friday night I went to a play called The Beams are Creaking which was about Bonhoffer. Very interesting, I’d never heard of him before.

Sign a new CBA NOW, you greedy bastards.

by kabrink on Mar 27, 2011 3:08 PM EDT up reply actions

There's a new biography (well, came out at the end of last year) on Bonhoffer that's supposed to be really good.

I haven’t read it yet, but it is on my list.

by Gross(est) on Mar 27, 2011 11:31 PM EDT up reply actions

I think that's the one I read

It’s longer than train smoke, but worth the effort.

"Shot by my own men."

by StonewallPDS on Mar 28, 2011 10:00 AM EDT up reply actions

I've been working my way through The Power Broker

biography of Robert Moses for a couple of years (off and on). 1344 pages. Ridiculous, this particular author makes sure to be redundant on a lot of stuff trying to make his point over and over because he hates his subject. It is interesting history of NYC and Moses but could have been more efficient as straight history instead of screed.

sorry for the aside. How long is train smoke?

Sign a new CBA NOW, you greedy bastards.

by kabrink on Mar 28, 2011 11:51 PM EDT up reply actions

Would this be a good time to mention one of my fantasy baseball names is "True Grit"

and this is the logo

by focs on Mar 26, 2011 4:48 AM EDT reply actions 2 recs

yes

Now is the perfect time to mention it. Since you shall never speak of Kendall again.

"Shot by my own men."

by StonewallPDS on Mar 26, 2011 2:22 PM EDT up reply actions

Mission Impossible

I know for a fact that you nor anyone else agreeing to this can truly pull off this feat of silence through the end of 2013 season. Yes, the Mayans have agreed to extend their calendar 1 year for this sole purpose of fucking over us Royals fans.

Somebody, please go get the rowboat and firearms.

Sign a new CBA NOW, you greedy bastards.

by kabrink on Mar 26, 2011 1:44 PM EDT reply actions

you have thrown down a gauntlet,

and I shall pick it up and run with it, just like Billy B chugging from first to third on a Frenchie single.

"Shot by my own men."

by StonewallPDS on Mar 26, 2011 2:23 PM EDT up reply actions

Royals Press Release

D. Moore: I’m pleased to announce that we are EXTREMELY fortunate to be able to bring back Jason for the 2012 and 2013 seasons. It was tough because there was some strong competition for him but we were able to sign him for $9.5M per season with some additional incentives based on our special proprietary grit metrics. The real kicker though, and what I am most proud of, was the additional club option for 2014 as player/coach.

Sign a new CBA NOW, you greedy bastards.

by kabrink on Mar 26, 2011 2:43 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs