The Bullpen Gospels – Major League Dreams of a Minor League Veteran by Dirk Hayhurst - Book Club Part 5

The last entry was Aug 24th. We know about the “kid” and all, but don’t we deserve them a faster then that.

Punishment: Must list to Bob Davis radio broadcast for 2 hours a day if he doesn’t put out a new player every 3 months.

for putting more than $11 worth of Taco Bell in it at one time.

The punishment? I think that’s punishment enough.

My wife’s family is horrible. They hold onto the stupidest grudges for years. Her sister is the worst. I have implemented a 1 year time frame on her rants. Usually she goes off on this one boy friend she had 10 years ago.

Wasn’t even halfway through the round and I couldn’t do anything right. Back then I used to shoot in the mid 70s for 18, so it’s not like I’m some hacker getting pissed about not making pars. It was hit one out of bounds here, a 3 putt over there, etc. I just lost it after a particularly bad shot on hole 7. I apologized to my group after the round, and I have tried hard not to have fits anymore. They only made my play worse anyways, and it just made people not want to play with me, so what was the point?

I have witnessed some other epic meltdowns on the course other than my own. A guy I worked with at the golf course hit a shot out of bounds, put another one down, and promptly made the same shot. He took a running start and threw his driver at the golf cart, and it exploded when it hit. We were passing some walkers on the high school team at the time, and they looked scared. I just started cracking up, and so did the guy that threw it. He had a much better time after that laugh.

Oh, and once in a college tournament, I saw some rich kid break 3 clubs on one hole over his knee, and throw them in the woods. So I mimicked him after a bad shot, while smiling at the other players. Well my shaft was too soft (TWSS!), and I expected it to lightly bounce off my leg, but it bent terribly, and was unusable. The other guys started laughing and so did I, so I just finished the job.

Maybe I should set up a life’s losers champaign bash.

never had anything happen to me worth celebrating

I was at a party in Madison, WI, and was pretty trashed by the end of the night. It was me and a couple friends of mine that were still left, along with a couple of girls I didn’t know after the party was over. We were all dancing to some music and barely standing. The guy that owns the apartment suddenly decides it would be a good idea to shake his beer up and spray it into the ceiling fan. My first reaction was to be pissed because he got beer all over me, my secondary reaction was that he may be dumb, but that was hilarious. So I sprayed mine into the fan too.

This guy had some pretty dumb moments in high school as well. We were on a Lake Michigan beach behind someone’s house in Sheboygan and was throwing rocks into the water from about 20 yards behind the water over some people. One of his throws missed, clocked a guy in the head, and he just laughs like it’s the funniest joke he’s ever heard. You know it’s always funnier when someone gets hurt. And another time he asked me to take him around the block again as it was 11:59 and his parents said he didn’t have to be home til midnight. I still had 4 other people to deliver and my curfew was midnight too. We all kicked him out of the car.

Why would you waste alcohol?

I think I barely got through a third of it. The first alcoholic drink I ever finished was a wine cooler.

Depends on the wedding. I think you can have a good party at a wedding for cheap, but I’ve been to quite a few that were snoozefests. I thought my own wedding party was a lot of fun, but I suppose I’m probably biased. We had a dry wedding because of various alcoholic relatives, but there was a bar in the hotel below us, so we kept going down there for drinks. We had a jazz group which was made up of professors from our college play the party (for a highly discounted rate, my wife was a music major!). They covered a bunch of stuff we asked them to play, and did a lot of old standards. Lots of people dancing and having a good time.

As an example of the bad, we went to a wedding for one of my wife’s co-workers, and they had a huge church for their wedding that could have accomodated probably 1000 people at least, and had less than 100 show up. It looked really bad. Then they had rented a huge space for their reception, spread the tables out, and if they were playing music, it was too quiet. then it came time for food, and we all realized they were only serving appetizer type things, and there really wasn’t enough to go around. They had obviously spent too much on the reception space and not enough on food. Worst. Wedding. Ever.

Have typically been weddings. Free booze, I typically already have a date, which is more fun than cruising for a date, and you know most of the people there already, and the ones you don’t you at least have something or someone in common.

That being said, lots of weddings are duds, the primary culprits being (1) money (usually not that big a deal, but it can be); (2) bride wanted it to be too formal; or (3) the couple sucks.