The Pizza Coney

            Seeking to honor soon-to-be Royals megastar Andrea Pizziconi in averagegatsby-Taco-Be$11 tradition, I am unleashing the Pizza Coney upon the Royals Review faithful.  Fate, destiny, miracle, or mere personal choice, the Pizza Coney's heritage can be traced to June 1st, 2011.  On that groovy Spring day, Lucas May was traded for Andrea Pizziconi, and the inevitable fan post squabbling began.  In those fleeting moments that followed the news of the trade, it was as if time stood still, if only for a minute, so that the baseball gods could readjust to this new landscape that would now be professional baseball. 

            JKWard thundered, "It’ll be interesting to see what becomes of this pizzaconey, which to say that we got anything of anything for May is kind of absurd." 

            mitchfreakingmaier! followed with, "Are you saying that you just invented new ball park food? The pizzaconey? It sounds badass. A large pizza stuffed with hotdogs, chili and cheese. Where do I sign?"  Nothing was ever the same again.  

Insufferable hours were spent culling the possibilities.  Would it be a "hotdog wrapped with a New York-style slice of pepperoni" as the originator of the idea, JKWard, had thought? Or would it take on many forms, such as the "bacon cheeseburger pizza wrapped in a Sheboygan brat" that I suggested?  The ruminations were endless.  Something had to be done.  

            First, the research, as the gospel that is Wikipedia tells us:

Food

In the United States, Coney (pronounced /ˈkoʊni/, rhymes with bony) may refer to several foods:

§                     Coney Island hot dog, founded in Detroit, Michigan, served at a number of restaurants in the midwestern United States

§                     Coney Sauce, a spicy beef "chili" served on hot dogs

§                     Coney, an alternative name for a "white hot" hot dog in Central New York; see Hot dog variations

Second, with this many options, the decision had to be made.  It was a simple one.  A family had to be fed, so that meant no spices, random sauce concoctions, or gourmet cheeses, for kids have simple fancies when it comes to the culinary world.  Nor could I spend hours doodling in the kitchen while a hungry family awaited their daily rations.  So the standard Pizza Coney ingredients would become:  mozzarella cheese, pepperoni, Contadina pizza sauce, and French bread.  

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Breaking the loaf of French bread up, the cheese was divided, and some Turkey pepperoni was added. 

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Notice the stick of pepperoni in the upper left.  Sticking to more of the coney theme, that one would be mine for standard pizza coney taste-testing. 

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Pulled ‘em out just in time.  Notice the lightly bubbled gooey cheese. 

The idea was that, to be more coney-like, the sauce would go on top, like ketchup on a hot dog coney.  Brilliant! 

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As you may have already made my decision, it was delicious.  If this was a ballpark food, I don’t think I could pass it up.  I felt like Patton Oswalt in Ratatouille, with imaginary fireworks bursting all around me.  The pizza sauce was rather mild and quite tasty for store-bought.  It combined perfectly with my pepperoni stick for the culinary taste bud explosion.  I’ll give it a solid 7 out of 10 with plenty of room for improvements, from homemade sauce to maybe putting the cheese on top of sautéd meat instead of broiling it. 

My wife said that she enjoyed it very much, and she might just be the pickiest adult on earth.  My three year old daughter seemingly won’t touch anything but fruit, cereal, and black olives, so she wouldn’t take a bite and opted for yogurt.  So who else liked it?  The Pizza Coney holds no bounds.  It can predict the future.  The starting shortstop for your 2029 Kansas City Royals: 

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