Royals Take Bubba Starling in 2011 MLB Draft First Round: Lessons from Bibliomancy

by Freneau on Jun 7, 2011 7:51 AM EDT in Royals Bibliomancy

What is this? Click here for an explanation of bibliomancy.

Truly, with the arrival of Bubba Starling, the faithful must turn to the divine once again in search of answers. Over the weekend, I was reading E.P. Thompson's The Making of the English Working Class, and as I thumbed through this magisterial tome, bibliomancy itself was mentioned. Obviously this was itself a sign, a call. A reminder to return to the book once again, for special insights into the truth behind the Star Child. Of his glories, there can be no end to our praises.

Bibliomantic Lessons: The Future of Bubba Starling

Source: The Makings of the English Working Class page 488

"This kind of tittle-tattle is of course worthless."

Lesson: Listen not to those who would doubt this star of the west. Listen not to the cynics of the city, the whisperers of the temple, the denizens of the domes. This chiseled cherub from Kansas is truth.

"But here we must look rather more closely at the role of informers."

Lesson: If Hosmer bestows his blessing upon Starling, we will listen. Of course, it is logically impossible that he will not. Truth only has messengers. Doubt is a word for lies. Shine Starling!

"It was the fond belief of the English people that the employment of spies in domestic affairs was un-British, and belonged to 'the continental spy system'. In fact it was an ancient part of British Statecraft as well as of police practice."

Lesson: Royal scouts had been watching Starling for years. However, he had also been watching them. A timeless youth, Starling predates our mortal lives.A local hero Starling was more a part of our own lives than we could have possibly understood.

"It goes back long before the time at which Christopher Marlowe was caught up in its toils; and espionage and counter-espionage against the Catholics, the Commonwealth, and the Jacobites take us well into the 18th century."

Lesson: Starling is of keeping with the deep traditions of Royals history. The more venerable success. Starling is history. He encompasses past, present, and future. Starling is a baseball spy protecting us from terrible failures awaiting in Cole, Hultzen, and Bauer. These blackguards are un-Royal and a threat. Starling will be the keeper of the new Star Chamber.

Starling links:

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E.P. Thompson

perhaps the greatest of the British Marxist historians, which is, I guess, sort of like being the greatest shortstop in the Royals history, but whatever.

Thompson’s Poverty of Theory takes (former) Althusserian stooge Perry Anderson to the woodshed, but Leszek Kolakowski “My Correct Views on Everything” rhetorically draws and quarters Thompson.

Making watching baseball as fun as doing your taxes.
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by Matt Klaassen on Jun 7, 2011 10:45 AM EDT reply actions