The following is a guest post by Clam Simmons, a librarian living in New England. Clam is not my pen name or persona. Clam is clam, a venerable Royals historian of the old school. Clam is on twitter @orangehunchback. He recently contacted me about writing a series of pieces about the 1994 Royals. These are their stories.
After catching over a thousand games, former Royals legend Brent Mayne hung up the mask and picked up the microphone.
BM: Even when I was bashed that grand salami in 1994 against Juan Guzman, I still thought of myself as a serious musician.
Within a few months of his retirement Brent Maybe enlisted the vocal talents of Royals legends Sal Fasano, Chad Kreuter and Benito Santiago and they called themselves the Diamond Kings. The Diamond Kings and their big brassy sound set the tiki lounge circuit on fire with their hardball approach to the songs of Tony, Frank, and Dino. However the fire grew dim when the Diamond Kings pulled into a truck stop outside of San Jose, California.
BM: One minute I'm gassing up the RV and the next minute me and the boys are getting handcuffed.
I pleaded with Mayne in the name of Royals Nation to talk about what happened that day he remained elusive on the subject.
BM: I'm not here to talk about the past... if anyone thinks that we would do steroids just so we could belly up to the mic in Nauvoo, Illinois their head's full of loco beans.
After two months the Diamond Kings were released and the quartet of Royals legends went their separate ways. Brent Mayne's time in San Quentin proved to be very fruitful. He walked out of jail with several new songs, a tour contract with a national hotel chain and a new musical identity, the Mayne Mann. It appeared that the Mayne Mann was poised for success. Unfortunately the Mayne Mann's new material proved too controversial for Holiday Inn Express Lounge audiences.
BM: At first I though it was the second n in Mann that was rubbing people the wrong way but the when I sang, "Hump You In The Bullpen" for the third time and all the families started leaving the lounge it became pretty clear what was going on.
The Mayne Mann was desperate to make his new songs work. He tried to hide his new material by smothering it in between Rat Pack classics but he couldn't fool the Holiday Inn Express crowd.
BM: People loved it when I'd sing "Fly Me To The Moon" or "I Left My Heart In San Francisco" but whenever I'd sing "Don't Need Pinetar To Hold On To My Bat" or "Swinging Without A Donut" people would get pissed and leave.
The Mayne Mann had come to a musical crossroads; he had to choose between horrifying hotel audiences or heading back to the woodshed to work on his craft.
BM: I locked myself in a storage unit in Harrisonville for about two weeks. Just me, an acoustic guitar and a camelback full of Blind Arnold Palmer. I relied on Rico Rossy to update me on the outside world and bring me supplies.
Brent Mayne emerged from the shadows of the storage a changed man. He had found a sound and an identity that matched the grit of his experience behind bars and behind the plate. The Mayne Mann had departed and Dusty Brent came in his stead. I asked Dusty Brent if he could list off his influences.
DB: My storage unit was really close to 291 highway... so that's one influence right there.
I asked Dusty Brent to compare his music to other artists Royals Nation may have heard.
DB: I basically sound exactly like Conway Twitty if he did acid and ate like three bags of cheetos and tried to rob a bank in his underwear with the cheetos dust all over his fingers.
I asked Dusty Brent if he had plans on adding additional members to the band or if it would remain a solo musical journey.
DB: Right now it's just me spilling my soul on acoustic guitar but I really want to record with a full band. I'm trying to get Kevin Kietzman to be my bass player, which is tough because he's in Todd Leabo's Human League cover band.
After talking with Dusty Brent I am convinced that he believes in his new musical venture but given his history of jettisoning musical styles he could be a life-long musical rambler. Dusty Brent will open up for Rany J. &The Also-Rans at the 2012 Royals FanFest this year.
BM: No, hell no, definitely not Garth, more like Conway Twitty if he did acid and ate like three bags of cheetos and tried to rob a bank with cheetos dust all over his fingers. Also I sound a little like Paisley...
I asked the man who had hit a grand-slam off of Juan Guzman in 1994 if Royals Nation should be made aware of any country music events coming up and if there was anything scheduled that Royals Nation should know about.
BM: Please call me Dusty Brents. That's my new name. No, we don't have any concerts scheduled or anything like that but I have a single coming out on myspace in a couple weeks called, "Don't Come-A-Knocking".