OT - Open Thread Friday - Rocky sans Bullwinkle edition

1. If you could have any James Bond tech gadget, what would it be?

…Can I just have Q instead?

2. How many home runs do you think Bubba Starling will end up hitting in the major leagues?

50

3. What’s one of your favorite jokes?

Good question. …Don’t know.

4. What was your favorite coin-op arcade game back in The Day? Multiple answers acceptable here.

Meh. Not a big video game fan.

5. What’s the strangest thing you have seen at a live sporting event?

I was at the Cubs’ “Daryl Kile Game.” Here’s more on Kile if you don’t know what I’m talking about.

6. What is the weirdest or most outrageous or most horrible or the craziest thing that happened at your high school?

High school sucked.

BONUS: Have you ever jumped out of a plane? Would you want to? Would you ever put on one of those flying squirrel suits that let you glide between cliff faces and such? Can you imagine what it would be like if you were a regular squirrel and then one day you saw a flying squirrel?

NO—-to each question.

1. the laser watch? the pen that shoots a bullet? I think I want Pierce Brosnan’s hair.
2. 417
3. My favorite is the pro football head coach/pro qb/who is your uncle’s nephew? joke
4. Donkey Kong!
5. The pick off play where the pitcher fakes to third and turns and throws to first- that actually worked. I was at a game where Mike Sweeney was going for a cycle and missed a sure double/potential triple down right field line by a foot.
6. In chemistry one day a guy took a lighter out of his pocket and lit his experiement on fire. That set off the sprinklers and exvacuated the school.
Bonus: Hell no.

1. If you could have any James Bond tech gadget, what would it be?
Probably one of the cars. The original Aston Martin from Goldfinger would be pretty sweet.

2. How many home runs do you think Bubba Starling will end up hitting in the major leagues?
207

3. What’s one of your favorite jokes?

4. What was your favorite coin-op arcade game back in The Day? Multiple answers acceptable here.
The various iterations of Mortal Kombat, notably one and three, were the only games that I played much in arcades.

5. What’s the strangest thing you have seen at a live sporting event?
I saw a runner score from first on a bunt

6. What is the weirdest or most outrageous or most horrible or the craziest thing that happened at your high school?
I went to Lee’s Summit High School, and our mascot was the tigers. At the exterior front of one of the main buildings, there was this massive tiger head that stuck out o the wall, growling with open mouth and bared teeth. For a senior prank my freshman year, some one climbed up the building and inserted a massive inflated phallus into the tiger’s open mouth.

BONUS: Have you ever jumped out of a plane? Would you want to? Would you ever put on one of those flying squirrel suits that let you glide between cliff faces and such? Can you imagine what it would be like if you were a regular squirrel and then one day you saw a flying squirrel?

I haven’t, but I totally would. I definitely would at this stage in my life, if I had kids or something I’d maybe reconsider it.

1) the tube he stuck in his mouth that allowed him to stay like 10 minutes underwater
2) 325 lifetime HR’s and he breaks Steve Balboni’s pathetic team HR record for a seacon
3) vintage 1985: Did you hear that the Royals are wearing new team underwear? They are called Dick Howsers…..
4) There was a pinball game at Johnny’s Tavern in Lawrence in the early 1980’s that was pretty awesome. I think it had a King Kong theme.
5) I saw the Royals win once
6) Had an English teacher get busted for making and selling fake ID’s
BONUS: no freaking way

1. If you could have any James Bond tech gadget, what would it be?

I’m not really up on his gadgets, so I guess the one that allows him to seduce gorgeous babes.

2. How many home runs do you think Bubba Starling will end up hitting in the major leagues?

197

3. What’s one of your favorite jokes?

Dayton Moore.

4. What was your favorite coin-op arcade game back in The Day? Multiple answers acceptable here.

I wasn’t huge into them as a kid as we had Atari and Nintendo. In college I got really into Galaga as it was available at all my favorite watering holes.

5. What’s the strangest thing you have seen at a live sporting event?

When I was in college Ohio State was undefeated and ranked #1 when Michigan State rolled in an defeated us. I have never seen so many grown men cry in all my life. It was very surreal. I was bummed I guess, but I wasn’t going to cry that a bunch of guys I had never met lost a game.

6. What is the weirdest or most outrageous or most horrible or the craziest thing that happened at your high school?

I seem to remember live animals running around one day as a senior prank. Also our school spent like tens of thousands of dollars on a device that could supposedly detect pot in lockers. Turned out they had been had by a shuckster.

BONUS: Have you ever jumped out of a plane? Would you want to? Would you ever put on one of those flying squirrel suits that let you glide between cliff faces and such? Can you imagine what it would be like if you were a regular squirrel and then one day you saw a flying squirrel?

Not a strong desire to do so.

1. I’ll take one of his cars, a 4-door sedan preferably.
2. 201homers at the age of 23 and then Yost benches him.
3. I don’t have any, but I’ll steal a line from Mitch Hedberg:

I think Pringles original intention was to make tennis balls… but on the day the rubber was supposed to show up a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid-back company, so they just said, “Fuck it, cut em up!”

4. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
5. The 18 inning game between the Royals and Rangers . It started at 1:05 and had Saberhagen and Nolan Ryan pitching, so I was stoked, but I had to leave in the 16th inning to go to a baseball game I had later that night at like 9pm.
6. Someone tried to rappel down the stairs, and ended up falling down 4 flights onto a railing and breaking his back (but wasn’t paralyzed, thankfully).

-I’d absolutely jump out of a plane, but haven’t gotten around to it. It’s probably 50-50 that I get around to it someday.
-I don’t think I’d do the squirrel suit – would require too much work to get good at it to make it worth it.
-I don’t know if squirrels think like seals, but I know that seals would regularly swim up to me when I was surfing in the ocean like they were trying to say hello or something…so I imagine squirrels would do the same..

1. I’d take one of the cars (specifically one of the Aston Martins) . There are times that I would love to have machine guns that pop out from behind my headlights. The ejector passenger seat might also come in handy.

2. 386

3. I don’t know…I wonder what the Bruce Chen Joke of the Day is?

4. For some reason, I usually favored pinball games over video games. I think one of my favorites was called “Black Knight 2000”.

5. I don’t remember anything that I’d consider to be “strange”.

6. No comment…

No. I wouldn’t want to unless the plane was on fire or about to crash into a mountain or something. Definitely NO on the flying squirrel suits. If I was a regular squirrel and saw a flying one, I’d be like “That f’ing showoff! Now I’ll never get any cute squirrel chicks!”

1.

A good agent doesn’t need gadgets. The only gadgets I’ve ever needed are a sharp eye, sensitive hearing and a whole bunch of bigger brains.

2. 318

3. Something about a duck and a bartender. Let me try to remember how this goes…

4. I took a flyer on it, and it turns out that there actually is an Internet Pinball Database. Now I can waste my time by trying to find out what the hell the names were of the ways I used to waste my time, back in The Day. Excellent.

5. The MIT balloon. At first it was very strange, and then it was very awesome.

6. Sworn to secrecy.

You will be asked a series of questions here. There are no wrong answers.

1. If you could have any James Bond tech gadget, what would it be?

I’m not up on what Bond’s gadgets are and nothing immediately comes to mind.

2. How many home runs do you think Bubba Starling will end up hitting in the major leagues?
120

3. What’s one of your favorite jokes?

Three Cardinals fans and three Cubs fans are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Cardinals fans each buy a ticket and watch as the three Cubs fans only buy one ticket.
“How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an Cardinals fan.
“Watch and you’ll see,” answered an Cubs fan.

The Cardinals fans take their seats but all three Cubs fans cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Tickets, please!” The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Cardinals fans see this and agree it is a clever idea. So after the conference, they decide to copy the Cubs fans on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station, they buy one ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Cubs fans don’t buy a ticket at all.

“How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed Cardinals fan.

“Watch and you’ll see,” answered a Cubs fan.

When they board the train all three Cardinals fans cram into a restroom and the three Cubs fans cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the Cubs fans walks over to the restroom where the Cardinals fans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket, please!”

4. What was your favorite coin-op arcade game back in The Day? Multiple answers acceptable here.
NBA Jam, have to admit. Boom shaka laka.

5. What’s the strangest thing you have seen at a live sporting event?
When I was a kid, at a Royals game, they did the dance cam between innings. They put the camera on some fat guy, and he then marched down and started doing the worm on top of the dugout, on the Jumbotron the whole time. He was ejected.

Also, while at KU, near the end of a close home (basketball) game against USC, I was at the game when some kid wearing KU clothes (so clearly a student) yelled “overrated!” in the silence while Brandon Rush was shooting a free throw. The student got stuff thrown at him and was booed for the rest of the game.

6. What is the weirdest or most outrageous or most horrible or the craziest thing that happened at your high school?

There was a rumor that Johnny Dare rode his motorcycle naked through the commons while attending, but it’s not actually true as it turns out.

My last week my senior year, our school went on lockdown because somebody robbed a bank down the street, forced all the customers inside to strip into their underwear, and then drove to a nearby airport and tried to hijack an airplane to go to Wichita. The FBI put a damper on that.

BONUS: Have you ever jumped out of a plane? Would you want to? Would you ever put on one of those flying squirrel suits that let you glide between cliff faces and such? Can you imagine what it would be like if you were a regular squirrel and then one day you saw a flying squirrel?

No, no, and no.

1. Never been much of a James Bond guy, so Im gonna say the Doctor Who electronic screw driver just cause.

2. 357

3. A boy walks in on his parents having sex and asks what they are doing, and they send him away… Later on the Father catches the boy with his grandmother bent over the table fucking her from behind, the father freaks out and asks his son what he is doing, and the boy says… Oh I get it, Its okay for you to fuck my mother but if I fuck yours I get in trouble.

4.Tekken

5. I saw Varitek hit two home runs off Greinke in the same game.

6. Our rival school in the district stole our statue of the Virgin Mary painted it black and returned it.

BONUS: Have you ever jumped out of a plane? No
Would you want to? Yes, and my estranged father out of the blue asked me if I want to go… I haven’t responded
Would you ever put on one of those flying squirrel suits that let you glide between cliff faces and such? Yes
Can you imagine what it would be like if you were a regular squirrel and then one day you saw a flying squirrel? No

1. Have never watched a James Bond movie.

2. 375

3. There is a guy that has this dog that is very aggressive and chases every kid that rides by on their bike. The owner, after many complaints, finally takes the dog to the vet, who suggests castration to take the fire out of the mutt. Following the procedure, the owner takes the dog home, where he lays on the porch for the next several days, without hardly picking his head up when kids pedal by.

After a couple of weeks with no issues, the paperboy pedals his bike by, tossing a paper onto the porch. BOOM! The dog jumps off the porch, runs down the kid, knocks him off his bike, and clamps his teeth on his pantleg. The owner hustles outside and restrains his dog. After helping the kid up and helping him dust himself off, he says: “Sorry about that young man, we used to have these problems all the time. Then we got him castrated and hadn’t had any problems until today. Not sure what got into him.”
The boy says “Castrated, hell!! You should have had his teeth pulled, I could tell when he jumped down off that porch he didn’t want to fuck!!”

4. Pole Position

5. During a JV football game, the kicker had a prosthetic leg from the knee down. All of his teammates and coaches obviously knew this fact. But not all of the opponents or spectators did. He went to kickoff, and the prosthetic went farther than the ball. There were some surprised people.

6. Would have to think for too long on this one.

1. I would take whatever gadget it was that allowed him to remain almost completely unharmed by the thousands of bullets that have been shot at him throughout his career. Then I would turn it into a road show/magic act and make some cash as the “Amazing Bulletproof Sweep_the_Leg”.

2. Difficult to say. Always in motion is the future. I cannot say a specific number, but I can tell you that he will hit so many that they will rename them “Starlings”.

3. I don’t really have any old fashioned jokes, so instead I will offer further support for the great Mitch Hedberg by offering this link: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mitch_Hedberg His delivery adds like an extra 20-30% of funny, so if you’ve never seen his act, I suggest you watch a video or two of him before reading through the list.

4. I can’t remember the names of them, but there was some racing game and some Star Wars fighter combat game that were both awesome. I always loved playing the games that you climb into or onto and had game-specific controls like steering wheels, gear shifters, etc. To me it added something extra besides just being at home and playing the same sort of games on my Atari or NES.

5. I actually got to participate in one my favorite weird sporting event moments. I was in little league (probably 11-12 at the time), and we were playing one of our nemesis/rival teams from another town. My team was coached by our best player’s dad, and their team was coached by their best player’s dad, so I think both dads were really competitive and rubbed each other the wrong way. Anyway, we were losing by a significant margin, and my coach decided he was going to mess with the other coach and his son. I was playing third, and the other coach’s kid had made it to 3rd as a baserunner. My coach decided to change pitchers and put his kid at catcher, so he had to come into the dugout and put the gear on. He got behind the plate, and the pitcher’s first pitch was low and really outside. The other coach’s kid took a pretty big lead off of third, I went over to cover, and after he had gathered the pitch our catcher threw down to me to try to pick him off. Except that the throw went way over my head and into left field. The other coach’s kid just trotted down the line, expecting to plate another run. But when he got there, our catcher pulled the ball out of his glove and tagged him.

What happened was when our coach’s kid went to put on the catcher’s gear, his dad had given him a baseball-sized, skinned potato that he had put in the back (right) pocket of his pants. So when he got the low and outside pitch, he caught the ball in his mitt, but reached back with his throwing hand to pull out the potato. And that’s what he had tossed over my head. It took a minute or two for the ump and the other coach to figure out what happened, but my coach had us show them the evidence of the prank and the ump just had the other coach’s kid go back to 3rd. I’m not sure if the other coach ever got the message that he shouldn’t take little league games, his kid’s baseball career, or himself so seriously.

6. High school is kind of a blur to me at this point. I’m sure there must have been lots of weird, outrageous, horrible, and/or crazy stuff that happened, but I either don’t remember it or I wasn’t personally involved in it. Either way, I guess it kind of sucks.

I have never jumped out of a plane, but I suppose it’s on my unwritten bucket list. The thing is, I don’t see myself ever becoming an avid skydiver, but I wouldn’t want to do one of those weakass “tandem” skydives. So, I’d somehow have to do enough training to know what I was doing, but be on my own for the jump. I guess that could be a recipe for disaster, but I want to pull that ripcord myself, bitches.

And I hate squirrels.

1. Its not a gadget but the fucking moonraker would be pretty cool.

2. I’ve already got a bad taste in my mouth about this kid and i don’t know why.

3. Why are pubic hairs curly? If they were straight it’d poke you’re eyes out.

4. Williams slugfest. Who here knows what I’m talkin about?

5. I use to mess around with this chick in school and we got put up on the kiss cam at the stadium and instead of givin her a kiss i grabbed the top of her head and pushed it towards my crotch, 10,000 people found it pretty funny but she wasnt one of em.

6. I must of been a pretty big asshole and womanizer in high school because some chick wrote my name out in full on the mirror in the girls bathroom followed by SELLS DRUGS, needless to say raytown police pulled my ass out of class later that day and searched everything I owned and any part of the buliding they knew I spent time in. They had a hard on for me until I graduated in 2007.

Theres a priest and a rabbi walkin down the street and they come across a little boy and the priest says “id sure like to fuck that little boy” and the rabbi says, “outta what?”

1. Definitely the laser watch that can cut through stuff. (From Never Say Never Again)

2. 89

3. Duck walks into a bar, got any grapes? etc.

4. Xenophobe, Crater Raider, Punch-Out!, Star Wars (the one with bright line vector graphics), M.A.C.H. 3, Afterburner, Galaga, Time Pilot……..many more.

5. That super weird play in April of 2005 or 2006 where Sweeny ended up getting nailed in the back with the ball at first base and being called out, OR when the White Sox objected to some call by an ump and the Royals announcer was forced by the rules of MLB to announce it over the loud speakers.

6. Grade school—two troubled boys in 4th grade escaped into the woods with shotguns and we were on lockdown for a couple days.

1. Charisma that knows no bounds.

2. 0

3. (This joke works best if you know the Pennsylvania Dutch accent) A young man named Johnny from a Pennsylvania Dutch family comes home to visit from college. His proud mother says, “Johnny, tell our guests something you’ve learned at college”. Johnny proceeds to enlighten the guests on the mathematical constant of Pi and finishes by informing them that “pi are squared”. Dismayed and confused, Johnny’s mother says, “Oh Johnny, but everyone knows pie are round.”

4. Didn’t play any.

5. One I remember is a horrible taunt this drunk guy kept yelling at Kevin Mench at an Orioles game in the early 2000s. This guy would yell, “Hey Mench, you see that bird? That is an Oriole, and he’s swooping down and coming for your ass!”, about five times every half inning. He had another winner, but I’m forgetting it now.

6. The police officer, or security resource officer, at my high school was arrested for robbing seven different banks in the area. He would go on his lunch break, rob a bank while he was out, and then come back to finish his day watching over the school.

1. In response to Sweep’s “unharmed by bullets” answer, I’ll nominate Live And Let Die‘s high-powered electromagnetic watch that deflected bullets, grabbed metal objects from far away, and—most importantly to some—unzipped ladies’ garments.
2. 47
3. For whatever reason, I’ve had this silly kid joke stuck in my head for weeks: Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9. (Oh, now I remember, I saw 789 on a license plate.)
4. Double Dragon
5. On the sophomore basketball team in high school, us white suburbanites were traveling to play Central (IIRC), whose team had, as our coach dubbed, “athletes” (in a pre-post-racially way). I had a fast break with a layup, and I knew that a defender was closing in, but I still had to try to make the layup – the kid, who was tall and lanky but not exactly Dwight Howard or anything – blocked my shot so hard off the backboard that it flew like a chest pass to a teammate standing at the free throw line. He caught it and shot it, almost like I had dished it off to him, but he missed.
6. While this isn’t high school, nor was I there, Yale’s prank getting Harvard fans to hold up “We Suck” at a football game was quite a remarkable feat. Here:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4kai4FL0MQ

Bonus: I haven’t and I don’t plan to, though I would if the situation arises. The gliding/flying suit is pretty amazing.

1. Was never a Bond fan, I’ve tried to watch several with no interest. Mater’s spy truck in Cars 2 is pretty effing cool though.

2. My answer will be based on what limit would I go to and still bet the over on for Bubba’s HR total. I think I would bet the over up to about 150. It really could be 0 or 450.

3. My favorite joke is totally escaping me here. Here is a good short one:
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? put a nipple on it

4. The local Pizza Hut had a wicked double feature RBI Baseball and Mario Bros, but I played Galaga much more at the local skating rink. Btw, I have a friend whom I’ve seen play Pac-Man at the pizza joint for literally 30 minutes without losing a single life. The guy is now a lawyer that cage fights on the side. Superhumanly quick.

5. The story contained in this fanpost won me 2 Royals ‘85 DVD sets. One from KingsofKauffman and one from brokenbatsingle.com. Start at the fifth “paragraph” down for those that haven’t read it.

6. I wrote “My pooh sees wet” on my Senior English teachers chalkboard. She said it 3 times while the class laughed harder each time. I got over a 100% in the class and got a “B” because of “behavior”.

7. Used to dream about doing it. Now I have kids and my body couldn’t handle it anyhow, so no.

1. If you could have any James Bond tech gadget, what would it be?

Jet pack?

2. How many home runs do you think Bubba Starling will end up hitting in the major leagues?

I’m gonna be optimistic on this one and go 209.

3. What’s one of your favorite jokes?

The one from the open of Desperado.

4. What was your favorite coin-op arcade game back in The Day? Multiple answers acceptable here.

Never an arcade guy. TMNT?

5. What’s the strangest thing you have seen at a live sporting event?

I was at a game at the Metrodome in which the fans in the outfield were throwing everything that wasn’t tied down at Chuck Knoblauch when he was a Yankee. Runner-up: I once saw Tyler Houston hit three homers which just beats Aaron Guiel hitting two in one game at the dome.

6. What is the weirdest or most outrageous or most horrible or the craziest thing that happened at your high school?

BONUS: Have you ever jumped out of a plane? Would you want to? Would you ever put on one of those flying squirrel suits that let you glide between cliff faces and such? Can you imagine what it would be like if you were a regular squirrel and then one day you saw a flying squirrel?

I’ve got 3eps left in season 1 of deadwood and have a lot to say, good and bad.