The messy situation in the African country of Mali has taken a surprising turn with France threatening military action to restore order. France has a reputation for military ineptness, but French officials insist they are up for the task.
"We know our military doesn't enjoy the greatest reputation, but that is unfounded. We have many proud victories in our past, and we believe it is our turn to bring peace to a war-torn part of the world. Don't forget, we are the ones who saved Western Civilization at the Battle of Tours," said France's general manager of military affairs, Dayteun LeMoeur.
The Battle of Tours was 1,280 years ago. Is France's military up to the task today? LeMeour went on to say, "Yes, we have had a few minor setbacks recently, but we feel we are really close to putting it all together. While the German Blitzkrieg caught us a bit off guard, we can learn from our past mistakes and live up to our full potential."
France was completely destroyed by the Germans in the Blitzkrieg and had to quickly surrender, requiring a massive invasion by the Allied forces to kick out the Germans. Many people also forget that France was the first country to initiate military action in Vietnam, being soundly defeated by the Vietnamese leading to a further destabilizing of the region.
"We also were able to learn from Vietnam," continued LeMoeur. "Sometimes setbacks lead to future victories. As French, we are a very proud, noble people. Don't forget, it was the French who drove deep into Russia, and we even held Moscow for a brief period of time."
Napoleon did indeed briefly conquer Moscow, but it was more of a Pyrrhic victory, as within a couple of weeks the French were fleeing Russia. Napoleon barely escaped with his life back to France as a defeated and humiliated man with only about 5% of his army making it back with him. Will this time be different?
"We believe this time will be different," said LeMoeur. "We have a process in place and we have learned to trust the process. It is time for French people everywhere to be able to look with pride to their country. We are completely confident we can restore order in Mali and make Mali a better place to live."
French management is confident in their victory and their plan for peace, but will it work out like they hope, or will this be another chapter in the book of French defeats?
"We will be victorious," concludes LeMeour. "Vive la France!"