FanPost

A Fanpost on possible French military action in Mali written in the style of a Bob Dutton article on the Kansas City Royals

The messy situation in the African country of Mali has taken a surprising turn with France threatening military action to restore order. France has a reputation for military ineptness, but French officials insist they are up for the task.

"We know our military doesn't enjoy the greatest reputation, but that is unfounded. We have many proud victories in our past, and we believe it is our turn to bring peace to a war-torn part of the world. Don't forget, we are the ones who saved Western Civilization at the Battle of Tours," said France's general manager of military affairs, Dayteun LeMoeur.

The Battle of Tours was 1,280 years ago. Is France's military up to the task today? LeMeour went on to say, "Yes, we have had a few minor setbacks recently, but we feel we are really close to putting it all together. While the German Blitzkrieg caught us a bit off guard, we can learn from our past mistakes and live up to our full potential."

France was completely destroyed by the Germans in the Blitzkrieg and had to quickly surrender, requiring a massive invasion by the Allied forces to kick out the Germans. Many people also forget that France was the first country to initiate military action in Vietnam, being soundly defeated by the Vietnamese leading to a further destabilizing of the region.

"We also were able to learn from Vietnam," continued LeMoeur. "Sometimes setbacks lead to future victories. As French, we are a very proud, noble people. Don't forget, it was the French who drove deep into Russia, and we even held Moscow for a brief period of time."

Napoleon did indeed briefly conquer Moscow, but it was more of a Pyrrhic victory, as within a couple of weeks the French were fleeing Russia. Napoleon barely escaped with his life back to France as a defeated and humiliated man with only about 5% of his army making it back with him. Will this time be different?

"We believe this time will be different," said LeMoeur. "We have a process in place and we have learned to trust the process. It is time for French people everywhere to be able to look with pride to their country. We are completely confident we can restore order in Mali and make Mali a better place to live."

French management is confident in their victory and their plan for peace, but will it work out like they hope, or will this be another chapter in the book of French defeats?

"We will be victorious," concludes LeMeour. "Vive la France!"

This FanPost was written by a member of the Royals Review community. It does not necessarily reflect the views of the editors and writers of this site.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Royals Review

You must be a member of Royals Review to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Royals Review. You should read them.

Join Royals Review

You must be a member of Royals Review to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Royals Review. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9351_tracker