Royals, Red Sox Settle on Compensation for Allard Baird

(AP) BOSTON, MA - The Boston Red Sox and Kansas City Royals finally completed a deal Wednesday to compensate the Royals for the loss of former General Manager Allard Baird, who left the team to join the Red Sox back in 2006. In exchange for Baird, who served as an Assistant to the General Manager, the Royals will receive an entire set of Ginsu knives, a Zune, and a game-worn jersey by former Red Sox shortstop Rico Petrocelli. The deal comes on the heels of the Red Sox receiving minor league pitcher Chris Carpenter as compensation for the loss of General Manager Theo Epstein to the Chicago Cubs.

The Royals were rumored to be asking for a Tom Brady autograph, with the Red Sox countering with several low-ball offers including a DVD copy of the box-office bomb "Gigli", two half-eaten lobster rolls, and infielder Mike Aviles.

"We talked to our baseball men, and they agreed the Ginsu knives have plus tools. They are literally plus tools," smiled Royals General Manager Dayton Moore. "And the Zune was something we had our eye on for awhile, much like Jeff Franceour."

Baird served as the Royals General Manager from 2000-2006, guiding them to just one winning season - one more than his replacement, Dayton Moore.

The Zune is expected to be assigned to Rookie ball in Burlington, North Carolina, where the internet is just being discovered. The Ginsu knives are expected to compete for a spot on the Major League team in a utility infield role.