Hochevar. No Bueno. Royals Split Series With Highlanders.

KANSAS CITY, MO - MAY 6: Luke Hochevar #44 booing himself internally. (Photo by Ed Zurga/Getty Images)

Luke Hochevar, sure to find himself "on the DL" by the end of business tomorrow, threw 51 pitches on this Sunday. One of them might have been good.

Those 51 pitches were what it took to record seven outs. Along the way to recording seven outs, Hochevar yielded seven hits, one walk, and seven runs. Five of those runs were plated when Robinson Cano hit a grand slam followed two batters later by Nick Swisher, who also hung dong. When all was said and done for Hochevar, he had successfully raised his ERA from a pre-game 7.36 to an even 9.00. He is after all, a stickler for round numbers.

Humberto Quintero later hung dong himself, but A-Rod followed with his own hanging of dong, after which he called his stable of centaur art specialists wanting them to pitch him new concepts in the realm of centaurian sculpture.

The game was over early, despite their having been plenty of baseball left to play. As the game got out of hand, Royals fans both inside and outside of Kauffman Stadium rushed away from the game with urgency attempting in vain to find a theater playing The Avengers to wash the crusty film of another Luke Hochevar start from their abused palates.

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