The Horror! The Dull, Dull Horror! The Sanchize Torched, Interminable Game Finally Ends.

KANSAS CITY, MO - MAY 7: "Your qi is out of whack, bro." (Photo by Ed Zurga/Getty Images)

Is it September yet? This game crawled along at such a snail's pace that the space-time continuum could have spun wildly off its axis and no one watching would have been the wiser. Mike Moustakas and Alex Gordon combined to make somewhere less than a handful of stellar defensive plays at some point in this four-month long game in which 89 pitchers gave up the least notable runs scored in a game in the history of this storied sport.

Once again, the mediocre Royals starter out-mediocred the similarly mediocre pitcher that the Royals' opponents trotted out. This time it was Jonathan Sanchez managing to work his way out of the game before he had completed the third inning. When comparing his Boston counterpart against The Sanchize, Felix Doubront looked like the Venezuelan second coming of Walter Johnson. This of course is only because Sanchez was so brutally bad that anyone who hasn't started for the Royals in the past two days is going to look like an all-time great in comparison.

On the way back into the locker room, Mike Moustakas patted Jonathan Sanchez on the shoulder warmly and proffered his heavily dog-eared and underlined copy of Ralph Waldo Emerson's Self-Reliance and simply stated, "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."

Upon reaching the clubhouse, Moustakas and Sanchez found themselves in 2017.

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