Parlor Mob Demoted to Omaha

The Parlor Mob, the New Jersey quintet whose song “Take What’s Mine” is frequently played during team advertisements concerning upcoming games, as well as in post-game wrap-ups, has been demoted to Triple-A Omaha.

Mike Swanson, Royals Vice President for Communications & Broadcasting, said, “This was a joint decision between Fox Sports Kansas City and team management. Part of it is just a matter of safety; the Parlor Mob’s live show has been called ‘face-melting.’ We just can’t have faces melting all ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ style - whether at the K or for the television audience.”

However, safety does not seem to be the only reason for the demotion.

In a press release, team Vice President for Marketing & Business Development, Michael Bucek, noted that the Royals team image - promoted by the slogan, “Our Time” - was clearly at odds with the voice of the whiny, entitled individual at the center of the “Take What’s Mine” lyrics. Bucek said, "The song’s lyrics include 'And I’m not going to give up, I’m going to take what’s mine!'”

Bucek, who oversees Royals marketing and branding, tickets sales and service, special event sales, corporate partnerships and game entertainment, further stated, “The Royals team concept of ‘we’ or ‘us’ is diametrically opposed to the ‘me,’ ‘my’ or ‘I’ evinced in the song. We can’t be sending mixed messages. Baseball is a team game. The Royals are all about winning as a team, not as a collection of selfish individuals hungry and starving for personal accolades. The sum is greater than the parts. I’d be okay with ‘We’re going to take what is ours,’ but the band had some issue with creative control and somehow selling out to corporate America. They really should be in tune with what is best for the Royals, not just what is best for the bleating-goatman lead singer.”

Bucek continued, “When you see someone like Moose (Mike Moustakas) smiling after a team win, you see that the team clearly comes first. Whether Moose is 0-4 with 2 strike outs or 3-4 with two doubles, he will smile after a team win. If the team loses, he will not be happy. I call him ‘Morose Moose’ after a team loss because he just seems so clinically depressed.”

Manager Ned Yost was disheartened by the move, but supported the decision: “I really like The Parlor Mob; they are some kinda dirt-lovin’ steal your lunch, punch you in the face, keep at ‘em band. Unfortunately, The Parlor Mob will be asked to focus on team-building exercises at Omaha, to do what is best for everyone, maybe, you know, clean up their approach in playing bass. Not to make excuses or single anyone out, but Anthony Chick needs to revise his approach when dealing with left-eared audiophiles."

It is unknown what group or performer will be taking the spot of the Parlor Mob. Bucek prefers “crowd-friendly ditties like ‘We are the Champions,’ pretty much anything that will reinforce and pound home the universal and unquestioned truth of 'Our Time.'"

This FanPost was written by a member of the Royals Review community. It does not necessarily reflect the views of the editors and writers of this site.

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