KC vs. the Sunshine Band, Part I

A’s: Have you seen the 10-year trajectories of temperatures across the globe?

ROYALS: No, but it snowed a foot here just yesterday!

A’s: That’s a small sample size.

ROYALS: Wouldn’t call it small. When was the last time it snowed a foot in Oakland? Anyway, at least we don’t have to deal with crime like you people have out there…Only basing this on the way those Raiders fans behave.

A’s: Raiders fans really are different. But, yes, the part about the guns is true…

ROYALS: Then why did you sign Emil Brown? He shot that reporter lady in the eye here in KC, and, besides, have you seen his birth certificate?

A’s: What? You aren’t making much sense. Oh well. Let’s change the subject. You guys sure do have good barbecue in that part of the country.

ROYALS: Are you calling us hicks? You guys just traded for a guy named Jed!

A’s: We also have a very fine Cuban player in the outfield.

ROYALS: The only fine Cuban, other than Yuni, is that Rubio guy from Florida. As long as he doesn’t let all the Mexicans in. You can’t drink the water down there, you know.

A’s: The water fountains in Kansas City are spectacular. But, speaking of Mexicans…What would it take for you to part with Luis Mendoza?

ROYALS: He isn’t gay enough for the bay area. But if he turns out to be an illegal queer, you can have him. Besides, you know, we still have Hochevar.

A’s: Aren’t you paying Luke something like $4 million dollars this year?

ROYALS: It’s good for jobs! Don’t you know anything about the free market?

A’s: Actually, we pioneered a new way to think about baseball economics. It’s called Moneyball.

ROYALS: How many times has Moneyball won you the World Series lately?

A’s: Well, we have been to the playoffs a lot. Once you get there, it’s more of a crapshoot.

ROYALS: Hell, we could have told you it’s all a crapshoot. And it took a bunch of nerds to figure that out?

A’s: At least our nerds wouldn’t have allowed our GM to sign Jeff Francoeur.

ROYALS: Hey, Frenchy likes to buy your sunshine-pumping, welfare-loving, pot-smoking fans stuff like pizza and beers. Now that’s what economics do!

To be continued…

This FanPost was written by a member of the Royals Review community. It does not necessarily reflect the views of the editors and writers of this site.

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