Kansas City Players Grilled in Barbecue Sauce Controversy

Elliot Johnson, alleged user of the sauce - Jason Miller

Billy Butler's Hit It a Ton sauce has caused some rifts in the clubhouse, even affecting actions on the field.

Kansas City, Mo--A gaggle of reporters surrounds Ned Yost at his desk and waits for him to reply to Jeff Foxworthy's text message.  Yost puts down his phone, sits down, and says, "Well, let's get this over with." A reporter asks, "Why did your team use the substance?"  Yost begins his reply: "First, barbecue sauce is not on the banned substance list..."

Well, baseball fans, that might just change.

In April of 2013, a product called 'Billy Butler's Hit It a Ton Barbecue Sauce' made its way onto store shelves in the Kansas City area.  The metropolitan area, renowned for a deep love of barbecue cuisine, is also a hotbed for sports fandom.  The inviting, plump face of 2012 All-Star Billy Butler on the front of the packaging proved a smash hit in focus groups, and the general public gobbled it up.  Sauce flew off the shelves into the awaiting gloves of the barbecue faithful, where it was used in everything from country breakfast to urban dinner.

Unfortunately, all was not well with the sauce.

The investigation colloquially referred to as the 'Mitch Report' outlined substance abuse of the barbecue sauce by a half dozen current and former Royals players who were content to consume its delicious spicy sauceness with complete disregard for the mounting side effects.  Simply put, consumption of the barbecue sauce causes secondary effects such as an inhibited power stroke, a decrease in plate discipline, and an increase in uncontrollable flatulence.

From the Major League Baseball substance abuse handbook:

Under the policy, all players are prohibited from using, possessing, selling, facilitating the sale of, distributing, or facilitating the distribution of any Drug of Abuse and/or Steroid.

Butler's barbecue sauce seems to fall under the 'Drug of Abuse' category.  In 2013, the entire Kansas City Royals baseball team participated in a celebration of the sauce, parroting it as a paragon of their resilience and their will to win.  However, the entire team did not fall into sauce abuse; a half a dozen Royals were indicted in the Mitch Report: Elliot Johnson, Chris Getz, Eric Hosmer, Johnny Giavotella, Justin Maxwell, and, unnervingly, Billy Butler himself.

"I had no idea," Butler tells reporters.  "I loved the sauce so much that I put it on everything, you know, and, you know, before I realized it I, you know, began feeling the ill effects."  Butler looks around, embarrassed.  A reporter asks him to clarify.  "I just couldn't hit it a ton anymore," Butler laments. "You know, it was just the little things, not being able to turn on a fastball, you know, and then all of a sudden I'm just not hitting the home runs."

Of the six Royals who gorged themselves on the substance, two of them are not with the organization, two are in AAA Omaha, and two are having significantly worse seasons.  Though it is an unfortunate scandal for the Royals organization, it is a case that will blaze trails for other organizations and warn them of the dangers of sauce and food abuse.  The Boston Red Sox and their struggle with fried chicken comes into greater focus, though the current group of Royals hope to avoid the fate of the Red Sox, who missed the playoffs.

"All I can say is that I'm confident in our team, sauce or no sauce," Yost says.  "And that's all that I'm saying on this matter."  Yost proceeded to explain why Raul Ibanez was hitting 3rd in the upcoming lineup for the entirety of the rest of the interview.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Royals Review

You must be a member of Royals Review to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Royals Review. You should read them.

Join Royals Review

You must be a member of Royals Review to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Royals Review. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9351_tracker