What is this? Click here for an explanation of bibliomancy

I use bibliomancy primarily to gain insights from the spiritual realm regarding our Royals. However, it would be a grievous error to think that other truths cannot be gleaned by listening to the voices of heaven as they whisper in our ear. Today, I turn to a trusted tome, James Hanford's 1949 John Milton, Englishman, to learn who will win the 2011 World Series.

We turn to page 151:

"With the accession to power, however, of a new Protector and the summoning of a new Parliament, the impulse to exert his influence at the moment of opportunity comes again, and he launches in February, 1659, the brief tract, A Treatise of Civil Power in Ecclesiastical Causes, in support of his old conviction that it is unlawful for the magistrate to use force in matters of religion."

Wow, Hanford doesn't mess around. That's quite a single sentence, and one that opens a paragraph no less. Quite a burden on that pronoun, "he" as well. This is Milton, we're talking about here. John Milton, Englishman. But returning to the World Series. Plainly, the "new Protector" must be Nolan Ryan. He's like totally in charge of everything the Rangers do, right? Owner, General Manager, Manager, Trainer, he does it all. Well, him and President Bush. Ryan cleaned things up after Jon Daniels ran the organization into the ground. And protecting, well of course. Nolan protects us from weak willy-willed softy baseball. That's our first key, Nolan Ryan is the new Protector. But then, who is Milton and what might that mean? Is this already evidence to look towards the Rangers?

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What is this? Click here for an explanation of bibliomancy.

Today's lesson comes from The Realm of Prester John, a 1972 work of medieval history by Robert Silverberg. During the Middle Ages, Prester John was a mythical king of great wealth and power who ruled a Christian kingdom somewhere outside of Europe or the Near East. Letters and communiques occasionally reached Europe, often with great excitement. His legend seems to have heated up around the 12th century. Just as Europe began to open her eyes to the rest of the world and come to realize that the boundaries of Christendom were shrinking and threatened, it gave great solace to imagine another hotbed of Christianity, out there somewhere, in Central Asia or China or India or Africa or wherever.

As Silverberg writes, "Where was his kingdom? How long had his nation existed? For the next five hundred years men would seek answers to these questions. The quest for the realm of Prester John would become one of the great romantic enterprises of the middle ages, a geographical adventure akin to the search for El Dorado, for King Solomon's mines, for the fountain of youth, for the Holy Grail, for the Seven Cities of Cibola..."

But of course you care little for that. All that matters is what Silverberg's book can tell us about the Royals. And so, let us open randomly to page 171.

"Ethiopia, where the quest for Prester John would be centered from the middle of the fourteenth century onward was then and remains one of the most extraordinary nations of Africa: a Christian land whose royal dynasty claims to trace its ancestry to King Solomon, and whose inhabitants are a proud, cultured, and vigorous people, a curious and fascinating mixture of barbarism and sophistication." (171)

No Major Leaguer has ever been born in Ethiopia. The closest location I can see is Craig Stansberry, who was born in Saudi Arabia. Stansberry was a 5th round pick of the Pirates back in 2003, and has seen some random playing time for the Padres. He is currently playing for the Blue Jays' AAA squad. Implications for the Royals? Obviously, remember the 2011 Pirates. Miracles can happen!

"Bounded on one side by a burning desert and on the other by steaming tropical lowland jungles, Ethiopia stands on a lofty plateau, six to seven feet above sea level; its climate is relatively cool and pleasant, and there is ample rainfall to stimulate agriculture." (171)

This evokes Mike Moustakas to me. Or maybe the glories of our young stars. At another point in the Prester John book there's a passage about sleeping with beautiful women four times a year (they were chaste in his kingdom but needed to procreate) on beds of sapphire. Probably looks ok, but sounds painful. Like a Sleep Number bed with a number of 10,000.

So we have Hosmer on one side, Wil Myers there somewhere else, in the steamy jungles, generally being annoying as all get out because he spells his name "Wil" but he's a rich young jock so he can get away with inserting that little screw you at anyone who ever must type his name. No, it is "Wil" with one L because I'm different. And there there are our luminous pitching brights and between them all is Moustakas.

"These natural advantages allowed a fairly advanced civilization to develop there at an early date." (171-2)

Billy Butler has played 639 career games already. He is 25 years old. Will the Royals be able to contend in 2012? Yes, they are Ethiopia, they are close to Saudi Arabia, and that's where that Pirate guy who probably grew up in the strip malls of Texas was kinda sorta from. And the Pirates aren't good, but they're kinda around .500 and their division sucks so yay.

What is this? Click here for an explanation of bibliomancy.

Truly, with the arrival of Bubba Starling, the faithful must turn to the divine once again in search of answers. Over the weekend, I was reading E.P. Thompson's The Making of the English Working Class, and as I thumbed through this magisterial tome, bibliomancy itself was mentioned. Obviously this was itself a sign, a call. A reminder to return to the book once again, for special insights into the truth behind the Star Child. Of his glories, there can be no end to our praises.

Bibliomantic Lessons: The Future of Bubba Starling

Source: The Makings of the English Working Class page 488

"This kind of tittle-tattle is of course worthless."

Lesson: Listen not to those who would doubt this star of the west. Listen not to the cynics of the city, the whisperers of the temple, the denizens of the domes. This chiseled cherub from Kansas is truth.

 

"But here we must look rather more closely at the role of informers."

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What is this? Click here for an explanation of bibliomancy.

The day's big news is that the Royals have promoted left-handed starting pitcher, Danny Duffy, who will start on Wednesday. How can I make sense of this news?  In times of crisis or excitement it is especially important to turn to the forces of power and wisdom throughout the universe. This seems especially true regarding Duffy, who took a sabbatical last season in order to... well... no one has ever said. Of course, because he was a valued prospect, the Royals allowed him to leave and return amicably.

Today's bibliomancy lessons come from The Friendly Club and Other Portraits, an odd little collection of essays by Francis Parsons published in 1922. My original plan was to turn to page 68, because Duffy was ranked the 68th best prospect in baseball by Baseball America. However, page 68 is completely blank in The Friendly Club and Other Portraits. So we shall turn randomly to page 116-117 and see what Fate has placed before us:

"Another literary "cotery" of of which Mrs. Sigourney was the presiding genius, met generally at Daniel Wadsworth's home. Some of the poems and papers read at the first of these clubs were published bu Goodrich in a short-lived periodical called 'The Round Table.'"

Sigourney was a much-loved sentimental poet of mid-nineteenth-century America. There is a town in Iowa named after her. I read quite a bit of her work for my comprehensive exams and... well... nobody was more sentimental in the cheap sense of the word than Sigourney. There's been a considerable effort to reclaim sentimental literature as a legitimate expression of deep human emotions and an attempt by many female writers to find means of expression in a culture that silenced them. (Sigourney's husband hated her writing and it was a long-standing battle between them that she published at all.) I'm sympathetic to that reading, but an hour spent reading poem after poem about dead children, dead fathers, even dead pets has a way of turning one into a modernist quickly. Worse yet, it's the same poem every time: sickly sad and sweet and ending in heaven with the Angels.

This passage was clearly sent to me from above to make me consider Duffy's leave of absence due to a loss of "love for the game" and his subsequent return. Oh heart, how strong are thy passions!

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What is this? What is bibliomancy? For an explanation click here.

Our latest insight into the Royals from the spirit realm comes from John W. Campbell's 1951 novel, The Moon is Hell. Campbell's book is a fast-reading yawn from the glory days of science fiction. The moral? Don't get stranded on the Moon. The novel takes the form of the journal of the ill begotten expedition's captain.

We turn now, to whatever page Fate shall direct us to.

Royals Bibliomancy Lesson Four - The Moon is Hell page 72.

"Miners in particular complain of growing weakness, and pain in limbs."

Lesson: Being a Royals fan can be hard. However, working as a miner on the moon would be much much more difficult. Once again, a call to perspective.

"I am working in the mine for a while now, while Kendall takes a rest. It is very heavy labor, particularly moving the stubborn carts back to the Dome."

Lesson: Alas! I was wrong. The Spirit is speaking to me, not in the voice of Royals fans, but in the voice of all Royals catchers cursed not to be Jason Kendall, the most loved and favored of all Royals base-ballers. Oh Lucas May, oh Brayan Pena, oh Matt Treanor. I see how you labor, while Kendall rests. I know your work is hard, pushing the Royals back home. The needed materials from the mine, various metals that the team scientist will use to create oxygen and artificial food, will be provided. How does it work? It's almost alchemical. Almost like catcher pitch calling skills and leadership.

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What is this? For an explanation read the first installment. 

There is joy abundant around the Royals again, after last night's dramatic come from behind victory over the Indians. At 12-7 the Royals are already five or six wins ahead of where most of us thought they'd be. But what does the spirit world say? Once again, I turn to bibliomancy to find out.

Today's source: British Folk-Tales and Legends by Katharine Briggs, page 162. This selection is from a story called "The Prize Wrestler and the Demon."

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For an explanation of what the heck this is, click here to read the first installment.

I was at a used bookstore in Cleveland back in November. If you spent a certain amount, I believe, they gave you a free book, wrapped up like a gift. The book I was given was Fields of Fire by James Webb, a fairly intense novel about the Vietnam War published in the late 1970s. Today, I was called by the Spirit to return to this text, because it is the vehicle through which we all can learn more about the Kansas City Royals.

Lesson for 4/11/2011 from Fields of Fire by James Webb:

Turning randomly to page 136-7.

He took his bug juice from his helmet band and soaked his face and arms. He felt the tingle of it and was almost nauseated by the airplane-glue aroma. Whew he mused. Bugs are almost better.

Lesson: Sometimes, run prevention doesn't seem worth it. The benefits don't always seem apparent. When Alcides Escobar reminds me of Tony Pena Jr. at the plate I think those thoughts. Bugs are almost better.

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Bibliomancy is the practice of gaining an answer by turning to a random page in a book and seeing what turns up. It's a pretty universal practice across history, especially in a religious context. Sometimes there's a conscious decision to employ the practice: wondering what to do, I pulled open the Bible and began reading, though it is also quite common for the book to already be open, with the answer already there, waiting. One could never do a statistical analysis of a matter like this, but as a former early Americanist scholar, I can attest that the practice was certainly talked about quite a bit in seventeenth-nineteenth century America. It is definitely a standard trope of conversion narratives. However, the practice isn't exclusively Protestant, or even Christian. The book isn't always the Bible, or even a Holy Book of any faith. Fate or God or The Universe or whatever might be speaking to you through anything, because obviously, at the point at which they're speaking to you at all, they've got whatever they want at their disposal.

So anyway, enough of all that. I'm going to do this from time to time with books I have lying around. You'll just have to have faith in me that my choices are truly random. They will be.

The Lesson from Above: 4/8/2011, spoken through the vehicle of The World of Humanism, 1453-1517 by Miron Gilmore. Page 80-81.

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