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Indians Commit to Destruction of Our National Innocence Through 2010

When fans packed the stadiums to see Betancourt chase immortality in pursuit of the Holds record, no one said anything. When we all followed his FIP and PRC ratings, we all just shrugged our shoulders. When he led the Tribe bullpen in WPA, all we could talk about with Triv the next day was how exciting things were at the Jake. When his WXRL totals climbed ever higher, we all just accepted that it was natural and a testament to his "training regime".

Blood is on OUR hands. The blood of our dead National Innocence. Three weeks late the coroner told us something else, this was a double murder: she was pregnant with Sanctity of The Game and Father-Son Bonding over Clear-Headed Belief in Purity of Baseball.

Still, as the truth comes out, and more and more pitchers ROID HEAD SLUGGERS get busted, it is painfully clear that steroids caused at least 50% of all home runs hit since 1987.

Thank God Congress is addressing this issue. Thank God MLB spent $40 million on the Mitchell Report. Sure, our National Innocence is dead. But as I stand atop her cenotaph, I've never felt stronger in my moral convictions.

CLEVELAND -- Rafael Betancourt, one of the AL's top relievers last season, signed a two-year contract Wednesday with the Cleveland Indians, who avoided going to salary arbitration with the right-hander.

Financial terms were not immediately available on the deal, which includes a third-year club option.

The 32-year-old Betancourt was arguably the majors' best setup man in 2007.

Sources close to Royals Review have obtained records which indicate Betancourt wears an invisible brace which can supply him directly with steroids during the game.

Still, as you would surely note if you lived in the eighteenth century, once your innocence is destroyed, there's no going back because you are already ruined forever. Thanks to the continued presence of National Innocence Destroyer Betancourt and the vile Paul Byrd, Cleveland now becomes the nexus of all evil.

Basically, all Northeast Ohio is now, alternatively, that haunted building in Ghostbusters or the town in the Future in Back to the Future II after Biff becomes all powerful.

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i can't lie
I got the Back to the Future line from this blog a few weeks ago:

http://pelicanstatesports.wordpress.com/2008/01/04/bcs-championship-preview-lsu-vs-ohio-state/

been waiting for a chance to use it

by royalsreview on Jan 24, 2008 1:28 AM EST   0 recs

The Indians
are heartless greedy bastards.

Whatever happens next year, we know in our hearts we have the best non juiced team.

by wildthang on Jan 24, 2008 2:50 AM EST   0 recs

except for a certain left fielder...
Success is counted sweetest by those who ne'er succeed. - Emily Dickinson

by buddyball on Jan 24, 2008 4:39 PM EST to parent up   0 recs

National Innocence is Dead
Long live National Innocence.

by marbotty on Jan 24, 2008 7:05 AM EST   0 recs

Also, $40 million well spent
Cynics will tell you that with $40 million you could provide 22,000 children with health insurance, fund 5,000 university scholarships, provide jobs to 1,000 firefighters, or 18,000 slots to children for Head Start.  

And while you might be able to put a price on that, can you really put a price on knowing who may or may not have purchased performance enhancing drugs?

Had it not been for that $40 million, we may never have known that Glenallen Hill was on the juice, or that Hal Morris was a testosterone junkie.  And had it not been for that $40 million, would we have ever known that Jose Canseco had been abusing steroids, aside from talking to his teammates, reading his book, or by merely looking at him?  This is something you cannot put a price tag on, folks.

If anything, I wish we could spend more on this whole affair.  Perhaps not to uncover more names or different prescription types, but to not know about all those things.  

As great it has been to know all these things, I'd gladly spend another $40 million, or even $400 million, to not know them, if it meant we could restore our national pasttime to its former glory, if it meant we could unbesmirch this once unsmirched game, if we could unsully the sport now sullied by greed and arrogance and a desire to heal quicker.

by marbotty on Jan 24, 2008 7:54 AM EST   0 recs

Oh dear
Won't someone please think of the children?

Relive Royals History at royalsretro.blogspot.com

by RoyalsRetro on Jan 24, 2008 9:42 AM EST   0 recs

Selective protection of children
promotes hypocrisy!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
A mind without purpose will walk in dark places.

by NHZ on Jan 25, 2008 2:59 PM EST to parent up   0 recs

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