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Five Things to Remember When Suggesting a Trade

  1. Players are, in effect, properties. It isn't just about their talent, but their contracts. Would you rather buy a two bedroom house for $100,000 (David DeJesus) or a three bedroom house in the same neighborhood for $250,000 (Lance Berkman)?
  2. Even without considering his contract, Jose Guillen is close to valueless on the trade market, so don't wear yourself out thinking of trade scenarios involving him.
  3. Ditto Scott Podsednik.
  4. Along the lines of #1, prospects and pre-arbitration players are extremely valuable, and teams realize this now more than ever.
  5. It is always possible that one team, even the Royals, could blatantly rip off another, but keep in mind that Dayton Moore already runs the Royals.

My Top Five Suggested Replacements for Trey Hillman

  1. Joe Torre. Is he ready to accept the ultimate challenge and massage the Royals into winners? Because he totally could.
  2. Bobby Valentine. The roller coaster saga of Joe Posnanski's enthusiasm followed by disillusionment makes this a no-brainer.
  3. Mike Sweeney. His faith makes him the near-perfect Dayton hire. His Baird-era connection makes him the perfect 2012 scapegoat. This Grass Creek double agent deserves a reward for his outstanding work.
  4. Tony Pena, Sr. Veteran leader Jason Kendall would give him plenty of clubhouse "slug," so this wouldn't just be about unintentional comedy. Okay, yes it would.
  5. Buddy Bell. He was right about at least one thing -- it can always get worse.

Top Five Reasons to Love the Rick Ankiel Signing

  1. Ankiel combines the outfield defense of Scott Podsednik with the plate approach of Mike Jacobs.
  2. He's the best free agent pitcher Dayton Moore has signed in two years.
  3. Kansas City now holds the record for most free agent outfielders acquired in one offseason without improving on Mitch Maier,.
  4. A 30-something right fielder who has been connected with HGH and is a bit of a headcase? What could possibly go wrong?
  5. Since Rany Jazayerli really wanted the Royals to sign Ankiel, this obviously paves the way for a tearful, on-air reconciliation with Dayton on the first "Rany on the Radio" of the 2010 season.

Dayton Moore's Top 5 One-Track-Mind Acquisitions

  1. Veteran/Mentor Catcher - Jason Kendall
  2. True SS - Yuni Betancourt
  3. RBI-Man - Jose Guillen
  4. Power Bat - Mike Jacobs
  5. Hard-Throwing Reliever - Professor Farnsworth

Top 5 Most Valuable Royals in 2008 According to Fangraphs' Wins Above Replacement

  1. Gil Meche, 4.8
  2. Zack Greinke, 4.7
  3. Mike Aviles, 4.3
  4. David DeJesus, 3.7
  5. Alex Gordon, 2.6

Five Best Things About the (No-Longer-Just-Rumored) Trade for Mike Jacobs, or, How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love Dayton Moore

  1. We now know that when Dayton Moore says he wants "power on the corners," he means that power is the ONLY thing he wants on the corners.
  2. Jacobs' home run power surely will be even more evident once he's out of his brutal home parks in New York and Florida, where he has only hit 42 career home runs as opposed to the 38 career home runs he has hit on the road.
  3. DMGM acquired the one guy who is so bad defensively that Trey Hillman will be forced to play Billy Butler at first base. If Butler is still around next season.
  4. We can now mock Dayton Moore's attitude toward on-base percentage with impunity, since I'm pretty sure Jacobs, Jose Guillen, and Ross Gload outweigh that one wonderful season when Joey Gathright OBPed .371 out of nowhere.
  5. A trade for Jacobs' bat and glove surely anticipates the long-awaited acquisition of Russell Branyan... to replace Alex Gordon at third.
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