An Ode to our "lost" Players

May you find success in other places.

JP Howell
I had the chance to meet you at a baseball clinic. True it was for women only, and true you had your girlfriend there with you, but for some reason...every one of us thought that you only had eyes for us (even the 73 year old fogey women).

Oh J.P...I pine for you!

Ruben Gotay
I saw you at a few games early last year, and thought you were okay. Never would I have imagined that you would be gone from my life so quickly...

Ruben...we hardly knew ye...

Mike MacDougal
You were stable. You had good stuff. You gave us hope. You occasionally lost your hat...but that was okay. It made the Shaggy-esque appearance even more amusing. Now you are gone, and the great danes of Kansas City have no reason to watch baseball anymore, as all hope of receiving Scooby snacks has vanished.

I hope you do well for those White Stockings...

Elmer Dessens
Mexican. Glue. Fudd. Elmer? What kind of latino has a name like Elmer? Seriously, what's up with that? You brought a lot to the team (read: you were actually decent!), but old. We will miss you, but at least we won't have to play your team every other week, right?

I'm sad that we can no longer make glue jokes...but the show must go on.

Tony Graffanino
This seems to be a trend. We like trading you off a lot, don't we? I turned on FSN last night to see what I might pick up...lo and behold, it was Rockies v. Brewers. Apparently the Rockies are the closest team to Utah. I saw Graffy play. It brought tears to my eyes.

You touched the hand of satan...I'm not sure if I can like you much anymore...

Matt Stairs
You were our cupcakes, our stone cold wanna-be, you gave hope to the other aging men of KC. You were the Sancho Panza to the Royals'...well, we didn't really have a Don Quijote. But you were our Sancho Panza! And we will miss that. Terribly.

Here's hoping there are a few tall and lanky men around Tejas to play Quijote for you...

Jeremy Affeldt
You were the toast of the town; 20,000 people had a shirt with your name on it. And despite your somewhat below average pitching, you will definitely be missed...I think.

He's just angry that he's gone...

Denny Bautista
We never really gave you much of a chance. Chillin, like Ruben. Oh well, we have Shealy now, right?

Best of luck...perhaps I'll see you on FSN rocky mountains sometime...perhaps.

Update [2006-8-2 22:49:42 by loyal2theroyals]:Scott Elarton
You're not gone from our hearts or our team (yet), but we will miss you for sure. Who will look at the team and complain about lack of passion? Who will look at Berroa and think 'who is this guy and why does he not care about our team? why can't we win? do you have any grey poupon? how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?' and other...very...important...needed...questions.

I inspected your "team effort," and I don't think that it was good enough. There, I said it.

This FanPost was written by a member of the Royals Review community. It does not necessarily reflect the views of the editors and writers of this site.