clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Stop Telling Me That Sabathia's Contract is the Largest Ever for a Pitcher

New, 27 comments

To take one of an endless number of availible examples:

Sources told Olney that, to get the deal completed, the Yankees added a seventh year to their original six-year, $140 million offer, bringing the total package to seven years and $161 million -- at $23 million a season, by far the biggest contract for any pitcher in history.

Really? You mean that Sabathia is going to get paid more in raw dollars than someone in the 1970s? The 1980s? The 1990s? Wow, that is so helpful to know. Relevant and noteworthy too. Don't tell me its the largest free agent contract of this decade or even the last three or four years. No, that wouldn't be the obvious point, not at all. Honestly, I'm most upset that someone hasn't investigated Sabathia's contract relative to Andrew Carnegie, Louis XIV or the Hapsburgs. I mean, its $160 million dollars! Can we possible overstate this enough?


Guess what? I just drove to 7-11 and bought a Big Gulp and a hot dog. You would not believe the prices! The hot dog was over $2 dollars! When I was a kid you could buy a hot dog from 7-11 for .89 cents!

One thing is clear:


Not only that, but hot dog prices are currently higher than any processed mostly-beef snack foods on a bun have ever been. EVER! In 1817 you could buy a salted horse-tongue sandwich for three cents and a ball of hair. Today, we're over $2 dollars!!


Can ANYONE save us from this mysterious trend in which prices seem to "inflate" I guess you could call it?


And don't even mention the insane prices we're paying for drinks, chips, shoes, combs, pencils, pez dispensers, books, socks, posters of Michael Phelps, siding, ice skates, maps, fudge, shaved ice and toothpicks.

Plainly, our national innocence is in peril.

What evil mastermind is behind this!?!?