KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI. Confirming rumors that had been in the works since Sunday after the third Royals-Blue Jays game, sources close to the Kansas City Royals have confirmed that Tony Pena Jr. has stolen your significant other. At least for the time being.
"I can't believe it," [you] were quoted as saying after hearing the news. "It's one thing for that prick to ruin my life by not hitting his own weight, but this is just ridiculous. He looks like the love child of Legolas [from lord of the rings] and LL Cool J."
Pena and [your significant other] were reported to have been dating behind [your] back ever since Pena stopped hitting well in May of 2007. Pena, when asked to comment, reminded your humble reporter that "ho, ho, I am richer than [you], after all."
[Your significant other] could not be reached for comment, but Pena hinted at an engagement that could be consummated with a summer wedding. Pena also said it would be great to get married at home plate before one of the Royals home games.
When asked about your prediction of the happiness of the potential newlyweds, [you] only growled and said: "they'll never make it to first base."