we can recreate the events that unfolded yesterday afternoon. Most of the roster got involved, as well as a few special guests.
We'll try this again. If the editor eats it again, I'll break it into two parts.
Pregame warmup. The infielders are taking groundballs in the infield, and the relievers are sitting out in the bullpen)
Waechter_DamnNearKilledHer: I'm tapping four islands to play my Air Elemental and am now ending my turn.
tH3_Pr043550R: I'm a level 76 Paladin with a 96 strength Straightball of Justice.
WrightOne: <whine> Kyle!! Leave us alone - we're trying to play Magic: The Gathering!! </whine>
Treyballsan: I still need to decide if Josey should go on a minor league rehab assignment.
JoGuiSandwich: Trey's still got to decide how much he likes having two testicles.
Mexicutioner: I hope I get to pitch today. Although all this time off has allowed my to perfect my Guitar Hero skills.
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(Top of the first inning, Kyle Davies is having a lot of trouble locating his pitches)
HiramTheConquerer: I'm thinking I shouldn't have used the jackhammer on my new patio renovation before the game.
(Rangers perform a double steal of second and third base)
TheStorminMormon: C'mon guys - stop running! It's bad enough that Kyle can't find the plate, you guys don't need to embarrass me!
(Top of the second inning, Mike Jacobs steps to the plate with a runner on first)
IceIceJacobs: Alright, stop. Collaborate and listen. Ice is back with a brand new invention. Something...grabs a hold of me tightly.
(Mike Jacobs hits a HR and is rounding the bases)
IceIceJacobs: Will it ever stop? Yo, I don't know. Turn out the lights and I'll glow...Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle.
TheLawnmowerMan: Wonder how many zero radius lawn tractors I would need starting out?
(Top of the fifth inning)
HoRambo: Just heard I get an extra start! Awesome! Better tell Jamey and Doug to be loose that day.
(At some point during the bottom of the 5th inning)
TheChosen1: My butt hurts.
(Sometime in the bottom of the 6th inning)
TheOtherPena: I can't believe I make 400k a year for this!
TheLawnmowerMan: Brayan, I've got a hankerin' for some Chipotle, want to run out and get us some? Trey won't even know you're gone.
tH3_Pr043550R: I feel a great disturbance.....my time is nearly at hand.
(Top of the 7th inning, Trey informs Kyle Davies that he's done for the day)
Treyballsan: Nice job today Kyle! After that first inning, you rebounded with one heckuva gritty performance.
Treyballsan: You're rapidly becoming the grittiest guy on the team.
WeeWillieGRITMONSTER: NO ONE TAKES MY TITLE!!! NO ONE!!!!
(Bottom of the 7th inning, Juan Cruz enters the game)
CruzMissile: Cruzin' along. You can't touch this.
(Bottom of the 7th inning, two outs, Josh Hamilton is coming to bat)
Treyballsan: Bout to show all those uber nerds that I know how to use a lefty specialist. Cruzie you're out. Ronny you're in.
CruzMissile: wut
NotALeftySpecialistMahay: Praise Jeebus I get to pitch!
(Bottom of the 8th inning, no outs, Andruw Jones hits a deep fly ball to left center)
HiveMan: Didya see that! I almost had it! I would've had a webgem for that one fo sho!
CocoCrispies: FaSho......................................WTF!? That's my only line!!?!
(Bottom of the 8th inning, no outs, Hank Blaylock hits a grounder to Mike Jacobs, which Jacobs botches horribly)
TheElvenKing: Pick it up and throw it, you moron!
IceIceJacobs: Here..........come on, here!!....Take the ball....take it!!
(Somehow, Mike Jacobs winds up kicking the ball)
TheAvilanche: Nice kick, Pele!
IceIceJacobs: oh hahaha.... Pele! good one! hehehe.. ok! come on! suck it up guys!
IceIceJacobs: we’ll get those runs back! this is where we dig down! we just need one more out!
IceIceJacobs: oh look! a rightie! oh lord, thank you. thank you so much. I owe you. This loser can't hit!!
(Chris Davis comes in to pinch hit for Taylor Teagarden)
IceIceJacobs: uh oh, what’s happening? where’s the rightie going? what? who’s this guy? he’s a leftie and he’s pinch hitting. no! no!
IceIceJacobs: WHY'S HE POINTING AT ME!!!
(Ian Kinsler eventually flies out for the 3rd out of the inning)
IceIceJacobs: Hell yeah! we’re up now! it’s our turn to kick a little ass!
(Bottom of the 9th inning, Kyle Farnsworth runs out of the bullpen to start the inning in relief of Jamey Wright)
SirSidneyP: Sh*3. I know where this is going. I'm going to hit the cooler of Shasta and Star Crunches before the guys get there.
(Sidney Ponson exits down the tunnel.)
BaconatorBillyB: Where'd Sidney go? He knows where all of the good food is.
(Billy Butler exits down the tunnel.)
Murda4Life: Loves the way Farnworth plays. He takes it personally, like a good game of dominoes.
tH3_Pr043550R: it is time for the straightball of doom to seal the fates of the weak hearted.
BetterThanArod: Remember when I used to play second base?
tH3_Pr043550R: my straightball shall DESTROY YOU WHERE YOU STAND!! but not yet.
BetterThanArod: Can we get this over with?
(Kyle Farnsworth throws a slider outside for ball one)
MiggyO: How does anyone lay off those pitches that move?
tH3_Pr043550R: you did not like that one? The straightball of justice shall now destroy you!
BetterThanArod: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HiveMan: W...T...F....No way I'm chasing that one.
Mexicutioner: Maybe I'll pick up Rock Band this week. I hear JoGui's pretty good on the drums
(Michael Young hits a walk off HR to left center field)
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(Trey enters the conference room and sits down at the table)
Treyballsan: Tough loss today. I'm here to answer any and all questions.
RichardKaegel: Well gee, Coach, did you ever think about doing you bullpen differently?
Treyballsan: I didn't think these were going to be baseball related questions.
Treyballsan: Does anyone have any non-baseball related questions? Anyone? That's it - I'm done
(Trey gets up and leaves the postgame conference)
********************************************************************************
(Trey leaves the postgame to run into Dayton Moore and a random Royals fan outside the conference room.
DMtheGM: Tough game Trey. Could you explain your Farnsworth plan?
RoyalsFan: What's to explain!? He's an idiot!
Treyballsan: Well, basically, I just copied that plan we have now.
DMtheGM: <impressed> Hmmm...... </impressed>
Treyballsan: Then, I added some fins to Kyle's uniform to lower wind resistance.
Treyballsan: And the new racing stripe I added to his jersey I feel is pretty sharp.
DMtheGM: Agreed. Top Notch. And Trey, remember the plan: We let them pitch.
PECOTA: We let them pitch.
