Is it just me or do Wee Willie and John Buck bear a striking resemblance to each other? I have gotten them confused on more than one occasion. Seriously, they almost look like brothers that were separated early in life when their parents gave them up for adoption. I was thinking that maybe even GMDM had a little trouble differentiating between them as well, how else can we explain the signing of Wee Willie? I imagine it went a little something like this….. (cue fuzzy picture, then fade to flashback)
Location: KC Royals front office
Time: Early January 2009
(Bloomquist enters office, greeted by receptionist)
Bloomquist: Hi, I am here to see the General Manager about getting a contract.
Receptionist: Yes, do you have an appointment?
Bloomquist: No, but I think that he will want to talk to me. Just tell him I’ve got lots of GRIT.
Receptionist: (on phone to GMDM) Sir, there is a player here to see you about a contract, he doesn’t have an appointment, but he says he has lots of GRIT sir.
GMDM: (Putting down the Baseball Prospectus, telling himself he will never understand all those fancy numbers) Yeah, I saw him come in on the security camera. It’s Buck wanting to discuss his arbitration case. I’m glad he decided to settle this, but I don’t have time to see him. Just tell him we can only two years at 1.4 million each. His GRIT is admirable, but his batting average, home run, and RBI numbers are below average.
Receptionist: (to Bloomquist) He says he willing to offer a very generous contract, 2 years at 1.4 million each year.
Bloomquist: Really, that sounds great! I wasn’t even expecting that much, given my lack of power and ability to get on base, but I was hoping that my exuberance of GRIT would pull me through. (Exiting the office) Woo Hoo! I’ve got a job! And my wife thought I was a no-good hack….
(A couple days later, same location)
John Buck enters office, greeted by receptionist
Buck: Hi, I am here to see the General Manager about getting a contract.
Receptionist: (Obviously confused) Uh, ok, weren’t you just here about a week ago?
Buck: No, this is the first time I’ve been in all off-season. I was hoping to avoid arbitration and get this settled today. I thought I could get a little more for all the GRIT I have displayed.
Receptionist: Okay, just a sec. (on phone to GMDM) Sir, there is a player here to see about a contract. It is the same guy from a few days ago.
GMDM: (Pulling himself away from the computer, where, upon browsing posts on RR, he just read the team had signed Willie Bloomquist). Uh, yeah, I see its Buck. Um, you know that player that came in about a week ago, I think I made a mistake. There is a good possibility that it was someone else and not Buck.
Receptionist: So what do you what me to tell him sir?
GMDM: Just send him in and I will talk to him personally.
Buck enters GMDM office. Notices a lot of Atlanta Braves memorabilia and I sign that reads: WWJSD (what would John Schuerholz do)
Buck: So I was hoping to resolve this contract issue and avoid arbitration.
GMDM: (Hoping Buck hasn’t heard about the Bloomquist signing) Sure, sure. Listen Buck we are really glad to have you here, but looking at your numbers, we really can’t go much higher. We already extended Olivio and he will be are starter. Plus, we spent a few bucks to get a top-notch, shut-down reliever. We can’t justify paying that much for a back-up catcher.
Buck: Well, I see that we signed Willie Suckquist for 1.4 million and I am at least as twice as good as he is.
GMDM: (Seeing that he is totally screwed and not wanting anyone to realize that he made a HUGE mistake, agrees to the deal). Ok, so how about 2.9 million? That is just a little more than twice what we gave…um, Bloomfield, er, Bloomquist.
Buck: That sounds great! I’ll get more than Olivio and I’m just the backup!
GMDM: (Just realizing that he offered more to his backup than his starter) Oh, yeah. Well that is because you are a little grittier than he is.
Buck leaves and GMDM starts to concoct a plan to divert attention away from his hideous off-season transactions. Maybe, he thinks, I can talk to Trey about tweaking how we use our bullpen. Yeah, like doing the exact opposite of what a normal manager would do. I’ll convince him that it’s a new strategy, very innovative. Hell, we can call it Treyball…….