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Royals Replace the Terrible, Awful, Horrible Kila Ka'aihue With a Better Player

KANSAS CITY- The Royals had to make a move. Kila Ka'aihue was the worst player in Major League baseball. His bat was the slowest ever seen and he became the first baseball player to strikeout in two pitches. On April 15, Ka'aihue's line fell to .151/.270/.245. Along with being the worst, most awfulest, most terrible defensive first baseman of all time, it made sense that Kila would go away. He was simply too embarrassing for this proud franchise to deal with.

Since the 15th, the Royals have found a much better first baseman. A sure sign that the Royals made the right decision. The new hitter, named Kila Ka'aihue, is a sign of how deep Dayton Moore's farm system is. In his six games with the Royals, Ka'aihue has proven quickly that he belongs, hitting .333/.417/.571 in his first 24 plate appearances with the team.

"I feel bad that I had to replace Kila," Kila said, "but according to everything I've heard from fans, he was just UNWATCHABLE and MISERABLE at the plate."

"There's nothing better than getting off to a hot start," said the new Ka'aihue, "it will make fitting in much easier."