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Eric Hosmer Performs Miracles, Royals Beat Yankees

In what could only be qualified as a boring and sloppy game, neither the Royals nor the Greatest Team In The Greatest City In The History Of Mankind seemed especially concerned with actually winning the game.

The only true highlight of the first nine innings was Jesus H. Christ's Eric Hosmer's first Major League home run, which ripped through three Yankees fans and the three feet of concrete in the second deck in right field.

Other than that the first nine innings were filled with hit batsmen, botched double plays, walks, walks, and more walks. Vin Mazzaro shockingly went only four innings. Nathan Adcock went 1 2/3 in relief. Tim Collins recorded an out. Aaron Crow went three innings throwing 51 pitches in what equates to a half-start.

Then having gotten through nine innings, the Royals and Yankees were knotted up at two and went to extras. Given that it is now a mandate from God that one-half of all Royals games must go into extra innings, this should come as no surprise to anyone.

In the tenth, Melky Cabrera, clearly having been enriched by the on-base prowess that Eric Hosmer has shining from his core, drew his second walk of the game. Yes, you read that correctly. Hosmer promptly grounded to short only to beat out the throw intended to double him up. After an inconsequential Mitch Maier at-bat, Jeff Francoeur doubled in Hosmer, giving the temporary gift of Freedom to children across the Heartland.

Of course, then Joakim Soria came in to walk Russell Martin on four pitches, an occurrence that can only truly be understood when considering the depth of fear that Soria has of Canadians. As the game hadn't yet passed the four-hour mark, Soria opted to let the Yankees tie the game, thus furthering the efforts of Jeff Francoeur in spreading the gifts of Freedom by giving the world more free baseball.

Following the Yankees display of small ball that would make Minnesotans jealous, Chris Getz drew a walk, was bunted over by Alcides Escobar, advanced to third on an infield single by Jarrod Dyson. As one could easily predict, Jarrod Dyson stole second base immediately, leading Joe Girardi to walk Melky Cabrera to load the bases...

For Eric Hosmer.

After getting into an 0 - 2 hole, Hosmer hit a fly ball to shallow right center that plated Chris Getz and moved Wheelz Dyson to third. In doing so, he showed the kids that just because you can sock a dinger doesn't mean you have to. You can put your team ahead with a sacrifice fly and make yourself come across as a mere mortal.

Louis Coleman came in and did what Soria had been unable to do in the previous inning and sent the Yankees down in order, collecting his first Major League save.