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As The Rapture Bears Down On Us, There Is One Reason To Hold Out Hope


With the Rapture approaching and hatches being battened down all across this fine land, there is but one reason to hold out hope.

Eric Hosmer.

As we are all well aware, Eric Hosmer is the Son of God. If ever there were a man who could be determined to be the Jesus H. Christ of baseball that was not young Hosmer, I've not seen him.

As the Messiah, Hosmer likely has the ear of his Father, Our Lord in Heaven. Since it is clear that his work is not done on this planet, one can, nay, must hope that his desire to take the Royals to the Promised Land is so strong that he will implore his Father to refrain from bringing forth the Rapture. In his corporeal form, he simply has too many miracles left to perform on the diamond.

So, I say to thee, huddled masses fearing an untimely end to our lives as we know them, fear not. 

Eric Hosmer will save the day.

And if the Rapture is not brought forth on this, the twenty-first day of the fifth month in the Year of Our Lord, 2011, then there is only one conclusion that can logically be made: Eric Hosmer is, in fact, the Messiah.