KANSAS CITY- At long last, state officials have located the three metro individuals who predicted the Royals would be even remotely close to first place on May 3rd. Working with local police, federal investigators are pleased that the three fans, now being monitored in an empty section of Kauffman Stadium, have been found.
"Now that we have them identified and under observation we hope to learn more about their methods," said FBI Bureau Chief Ted O'Franklinton."It has been a very tiring, very stressful operation, but we are confident that separating these savants from the population is in the public interest."
The FBI isn't saying so on the record, but a source told Royals Review that there is a belief that the three fans may have the ability to see the future, or to possibly control future events.
"I didn't think we'd be anywhere near this competitive," said Royal first baseman Billy Butler. "I'm interested in talking to one of the kids so I can learn more."
Butler's curiosity matches that of a number of experts, including those from both the world of forensics and less mainstream characters, including those who consider themselves paranormal investigators. According to a local medium who goes only by the name Shadowess, "children are often much closer to the astral realm."
However, not all believe the "Kansas City Three" or the "New Three Wise Men" are a positive force. Rev. Mark Goodbook, team chaplain and spiritual adviser to the Front Office, believes that these soothsayers may have powers not entirely benign.
"Do not turn to mediums or seek out spiritualists," Goodbook shouted to a crowd of on-lookers, "for you will be defiled by them! I am the Lord thy God!"
Royal GM Dayton Moore captured the general ambivalence of the region, telling the assembled press, "on the one hand, they might be the best scouts of all time. On the other, they may have once used a computer. We just can't be sure."