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Using Jeff Francoeur to Solve Life's Problems - Lesson One: Cheating Friends, Family Stress, Ethical Quandries

On June 2nd it was written that if you want to know how to approach the game, teammates or life, watch Jeff Francoeur. Believing this to be wonderful advice, I have invited readers to submit their life questions to RR, and I will use Francoeur to answer them as best I can. Here is the first installment. Keep your questions coming! With Jeff's help, we will build a better world.


I am friends with both members of a couple. One confessed to me about cheating on the other.

Should I keep this information in confidence? Or should I arrange a nude batting practice session for them where they can bare their bodies and souls while trying to hit dingers?

Sometimes, you have to work around difficulties in life. Like when Jeff moved some money around with a shady Mets clubbie. He said he knew how to cash big checks, makes perfect sense. Definitely the one guy in the financial capital of the world that you'd go to in that situation. But Jeff was always a team guy through and through, like when he demanded "play me or trade me." In your situation, you have to weigh whether or not you a) like your friends anyway (does this happiness matter more than yours?) b) if your friends work for Delta Airlines and c) if you spill the beans and the crazier of your friends flips out, could they bring you down for anything? One final angle to consider: Francoeur has a career .773 OPS during the day, but just a .719 OPS at night. Live your life like the sun is always shining.


My friend was in a relationship with a girl for almost two years and they broke up a around five months ago. The girl and another one of our guy friends now have a "thing" and are hooking up. How should he handle this situation?

You didn't say anything about what this girl was like six years ago. If you want a valid piece of advice, I need the most relevant bits of data. We can't get caught up in the cult of "now-ism" that always gets pushed by the lamestream media. Unless of course it is April and we're talking about baseball players and teams, then, the last two weeks mean everything. My hunch is that your other friend never hustled and lacked the drive to be a real man in today's world. If he wants to feel awkward because his buddy is now hooking up with his ex, he has only himself to blame. I look to tools first and foremost, ya know what I mean? The women out there do.


I am having problems with keeping my house clean. My wife and 4 kids are constantly making a mess and every time I clean they just go and mess it all up. I’m thinking of leaving them. Seems like the right thing to do. Please give me some sound advice. thanks

Of course! Think about all the times Jeff just needed a change of scenery to get things going again? In his first game as a Met, Jeff had two hits and picked up two stakes (that's baseball slang for RBIs, right?) in a 4-0 Mets win. As a man, you've earned the right to push the reset button three or four times in your life. Move away, try to lose some weight, get back in touch with some old friends, and see what happens. You mean no one no harm. Whatever you do, keep smiling. Those old acquaintances? They'll find ways to keep loving you from afar, years and years later. What sums it up for me is the fact that Francoeur has never walked against Cole Hamels in 51 career plate appearances. The facts are all there, it's just up to us to open our hearts to Jeff's truth. 


We’re intending to sell our house soon. I renovated most of it myself the best I could and while it looks pretty good on the inside I know there’s probably a few things that weren’t done right or were left unfixed underneath. Should I list those on the disclosure or do what everyone else does and say I have no idea about anything. Your thoughts about OBP on the scoreboard say no, but your eyes say yes. What should I do!


Dila P. Dated

Superficial things matter the most in this life. Trust his eyes. Listen to what they are truly saying. I don't want to have to spell it out for you. Run hard to first base three straight times and listen from above.