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Messiah Eric Hosmer Works Extra-Inning Miracle, Royals Down Sox

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Hiram hollering for intervention from above
Hiram hollering for intervention from above


A baseball game was played at Fenway Park tonight. The ballers played in uniforms displaying the words 'Royals' 'Kansas City' and 'Red Sox' on them. While the rain wanted to save the world from seeing Hiram Davies hurl stitched orbs over and around 'the plate,' the wizened Hiram had other plans.

For six daunting 'innings' Old Hiram stymied those pesky Rouge Stockings, allowing just one to put cleat to plate.

As the seventh inning commenced, Hiram wore his jacket and affixed ice to his tired shoulder. He watched as the pen of bulls worked their way through a string of batsmen known to inspire works of poesy. 

As children across the country fell into slumber, the game rolled on into even a tenth and eleventh inning with the tremendous trio of Timothy Collins, Aaron Crow, and Greginald Holland tossing balls past those stockinged gents.

Louis Coleman came in to face the last three batters in the opponents' line-up, and more if required. The young and appropriately surnamed Josh Reddick found himself standing on first to lead the home-half off. Jarrod Saltalamacchia skied one to left for an out. The more Italian Marco Scutaro watched on as the rookie lumbered toward third on an errant Coleman throw, and then missed an integral signal on a squeeze, hanging young Rougedick out to dry in between the penultimate base and home. Then Scutaro, yearning for redemption, attempted to turn a single into a double with one out left in the inning. Apparently, he had not heard the tales of the cannon affixed to the shoulder of the prodigal son, Alex Gordon. He was promptly struck down at second. 

The road warrior Royals failed to add a second run to their total of one, and Louis Coleman came back out to face the top of the order to start the thirteenth. The proud Navajo center fielder Jacoby Ellsbury worked a full-count walk to kick off the inning. After an inconsequential trip to the plate for the diminutive Dustin Pedroia, Adrian Gonzalez scared the bejeezus out of the young Royals with a single misplayed by Jeff Francoeur but disaster was averted, and the game trekked on into the fortieth fourteenth inning. 

This is where the acolytes had their moment of clarity. The Messiah, the Son of God, Eric Hosmer came to the plate and as only Jesus Christ himself could have done, ripped a ball and stretched that single into a double as mere mortals such as Marco Scutaro could only hope to do. The Frenchman hit a single, advancing young Christ to third, and Mike Aviles pop bunted over the hard-charging Adrian Gonzalez, plating Eric Hosmer. Francoeur soon followed him across the plate, making the Royals leaders by two whole runs.

The Mexico-born Joakim Soria entered the game embarrassing the Red Sox in short order, and Eric Hosmer once again proved that he was the Son of Our God In Heaven (hallow'd be Thy Name).