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Paulino, Hosmer, and the Great Francoeur Lead Royals past Mariners

On being told he looks like Reichen from the A-List. (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)
On being told he looks like Reichen from the A-List. (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)
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Honestly, friends, I didn't watch this one. I watched my alma mater lose in cartoonishly horrific fashion. And now I get to go through 9/11 living in DC. Fun! Yay! Do I humor my wife and drive outside the city so we won't die in a car bomb or not worry bout it. Fun fun times! What's the radius for a nuke anyway? Screw it, maybe it's better just to be vaporized instantly than suffer through the aftermath, then get cancer, then die knowing everything I care about has been destroyed now I'm dying too. Well, we were given by our benevolent God the power to make choices. Such LOVE. What a gift! What would Francouer do? Oh yea, be rich, get a million chances, and then have everyone fall over themselves loving him. And he ran hard like once, so many valuable lessons.

If I'm alive in 24 hours I guess I can celebrate.  And hey, maybe I'll be good at something by the time I'm 35. I can dream. What an awful life this is. But hey, I'm breathing. So, victory! The Royals won a September game against the Mariners. I've been trying to run again lately because I'm playing indoor soccer and it was so hard just to run for a little while. And it is awful. Just give me cancer now. Literally everything about me is going down hill now and will only get worse and worse and worse unless I'm spared and die randomly. I wish we could open thread my funeral, except no one would because really, it's stupid. He died doing what he loved, wasting time online and complaining.

  • Felipe Paulino apparently pitched well. This is a good thing. 11 Ks, 0 walks. Damn. Has a non-Greinke Royal pitched better in the last 15 years? Insane. But also, Mariners. Mariners. Still, good though. Maybe we only have to find 3 more starters for Mission 2012 Dayton's Gonna Shock YA! Let's combine Hochevar and Duffy into one reliable pitcher. Except really, we KNOW Duffy will be injured by May 31 of next season. This 100% will happen.
  • Jeff Francoeur homered. He is the best player ever. Tear up his current contract and give him $15 million a year.
  • Holland and Soria also got their Ks. 16 Ks, 0 Walks. Wow, apparently I became a Red Sox fan and I didn't even know it.
  • Hosmer homered. I give him 4.33 Polk points for it, but it ws in the first inning, so deduct .27 points. Then add .4777 back because Pineda made the All-Star team. Then deduct .02 because Pineda has that n with a tilde in his name. Soft. Really though, very encouraging to see him mash a little bit.

Oh, an NFL Network interview with Tom Brady. Now this is good. Oh Rich Eisen, what questions you have for Tom! How does he handle that competitiveness when he goes home to his family? How DOES HE? You can take these lessons and apply them to life.

Is Wil Meyers even still playing? Remember when Jason Adam was the talk of the town? But, oh, we won tonight and hahah Mariners suck. The happy thing is that I bought some scotch tonight and here's this lovely book about the Crusades. But old books really make me sad sometimes. There was nothing like walking through the stacks on a quiet evening and just being surrounded by all that knowledge, all that wisdom and just being able to feel it. To pull a random book off the shelves and look at how often it had been checked out and thinking about everything that had happened and then reading it and feeling that kinship. That kinship with the dead and with EVERYTHING. Nothing was better than that for me. But so many mistakes and bad choices and now I'm living in DC failing at new ventures and waiting to die.