Royals Scrubs Throttle Twins Less Good Scrubs In Age-Old Grudge Match

As stories have been passed down through the generations from our great-great-grandparents, the sting of losing the Kansas City Blues can still be felt across this fine nation. When the Western League was an up-and-comer, attempting to throw dirt in the eyes of the National League, the bustling burg of Kansas City had itself a baseball team. Our ancestors loved that team. From 1894 to 1900, fans ranging from Joplin all the way to St. Joseph would wagon train on down to the ballpark to catch the hometown Blues, living, breathing, and dying with their club. 

Then those no-good, East Coast charlatans in The District of Columbia stole the Blues away, where the Blues' name was sullied and changed into the grotesque name, the Senators. Sixty years later, the cities that are twinned stole that team right out from under Washington. The hatred of our forebearers runs deep within all of us, so it is with great pleasure that I tell you, the Royals hath defeated the lowly Twins of Minnesota on this eve, further plunging the knife into their slowing heart. 

Behind six innings of nine strikeout and two walk ball, Felipe Paulino powered the Royals through the first two-thirds of the game, with Tim Collins, Kelvin Herrera, and Aaron Crow tallying an inning apiece. The offense lay dormant for the greater part of the first five innings before pouncing on poor Kevin Slowey, eventually unleashing a seven-run, fourteen hit attack highlighted by a Moustakas double to straightaway center and a dinger to left. Billy Butler notched his second stolen base of the year aided in large part by Jarrod Dyson as the lead runner in a double steal (his second of the night.

In all the Twins were, nay, are no match for these upstart Royals of Kansas City.