Ned Yost's Nickname for Alex Gordon is "Gordie" - How Much Longer Will This Horrible Nightmare Go On?

Buried in the weird Hosmer-to-OF story:

"If we get to a situation where we want to do that," Yost said. "I want him to have had some outfield time. Spring training is the best time to do that.

"We’re going to play Gordie (left fielder Alex Gordon) some at first, too, just for those kinds of situations. We’re trying to make sure that we’re covered. We’re trying to look down the road and see all of the scenarios that could happen."

Reactions:

1) Ned Yost is trolling us. No man could possibly be this unspeakably uncreative. This is performance art and we don't get the joke.

2) Ned Yost is this unspeakably uncreative.

3) Ned Yost has some as yet undefined dialect. Or maybe it is defined, we just weren't aware of it. Maybe there's a corner of the eastern side of the Isle of Man or something where every word ends in "ey" and this is normal.

So where do we go from here? Is there any hope? Because plainly, this is unbearable.